Last week on Teen Mom, we saw Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra deal with Butch, Maci Bookout enroll Bentley in preschool, Farrah Abraham and her sister confront Debra about her bad parenting, after Sophia hilariously painted Farrah’s poor dog hot pink, and Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley work through Amber’s continued anger issues.

Tyler Pressures Catelynn About School

Tyler and Catelynn are hanging with two friends, Drew and Starr. Starr is an odd one, offering her “taco” and “hot sauce” to the dog. Tyler lets them know Butch had to leave the trailer park. The park had the audacity to accuse him of drinking beer. Butch was like, “Oh, no! I will not have them saying I drink beer. I told them, my drug of choice is cocaine.” It’s quite shocking, actually, that they didn’t make an exception on the spot. Hell, they should have made him trailer park monitor with those credentials. So, Butch is on the loose in Detroit, and Tyler and Catelynn have been relieved of their babysitting duties. Tyler is just hoping for the best for his Pop at this point. This is the closest Butch has come to not being on parole in twenty years.


Enough about Butch, the kids start talking about how crazy awesome college is compared to high school. Starr asks Catelynn if she is going to school in the fall. Catelynn admits she hasn’t even started the process yet. Tyler pressures her to get started, and the friends high tail it out of there. Tyler asks Catelynn if she has the motivation to go to school. He’s losing hope.

April comes to visit Catelynn. It’s legal now that Butch, April’s husband, doesn’t live there. Once April manages to sit still, she asks Catelynn about school too.  Catelynn hates school. It’s going to take a tremendous amount of perseverance on Catelynn’s part to finish. Hell, she hasn’t even started yet, because she’s “too busy.”

Tyler goes with his mom Kim to the hair salon. Um, okay. That’s weird.

One look at that hair dresser – and I would have walked right out of there saying, “Oh, hell no!” The stylist’s hair is way worse than anything Chelsia Houska ever did to her hair, and that’s a tall challenge, then she adds skin tight animal print, huge hot pink earrings, and hot pink eye shadow to the look. Wow. If there are more people walking around their town looking like her, I take back everything I said about Catelynn’s style a few weeks ago.  Except for the flower. She really does need to ditch the gaudy hair accessories.

While Kim’s hair is coloring, Tyler complains about Catelynn not being ready for school. Kim asks him what would happen if Catelynn didn’t go to school. He says he’d be gone. He doesn’t want to be with someone who is on different rungs of the ladder – or something. I fear Catelynn lacks the drive to get it done. What happens to Tyler and Catelynn then?

Kim and Tyler come back from the salon. Considering the hot mess that was responsible for Kim’s new do, I can honestly say I’m shocked over how nice it looks. Catelynn is sitting on her chair when they return, being “too busy.” She still hasn’t called school. Tyler pushes her to call. Catelynn says she’s just nervous because she doesn’t know what she wants to focus on.


Maci Beats To Her Own Drum

Now that Maci is serious about school, she enrolls Bentley in preschool. On this particular day, Maci and Kyle King are just hanging out at home with Bentley. Maci crashes the party when she tells Bentley it’s time to go to preschool. We later learn it’s like 3:00 in the afternoon. It’s no wonder the kid doesn’t want to go to school at this point in the day. Maci and Kyle manage to get Bentley to the “Child Development” place. Maci takes Bentley into class, then stands outside the room watching him. Then she creeps down on her hands and knees, watching Bentley from the ground. Next, she’ll be buying a pair of binoculars and renting a room across the street.

Maci calls Ryan Edwards to remind him to get Bentley from preschool. Ryan asks what time she dropped him off, she says 3:00. Ryan asks how he’s supposed to be learning at this “preschool” if he’s not there all day. Maci feeds him a bunch of crap about separate curriculum throughout the day – one in the morning and one after lunch. And, apparently, one very special curriculum just for special Maci, starting at 3:00. Really, she doesn’t want to give up her time with Bentley, which is exactly what she’s asking Ryan to do by putting him in school on Ryan’s days. Ryan knows Maci is full of crap, and he agrees to pick up Bentley at 6:00. Ryan ends up running late and Maci picks up Bentley anyway.

Kyle suggests Maci ask Ryan’s parents for their opinion. Maci doesn’t want to ask them. Bentley isn’t their kid and they don’t think about what’s best for him, says Maci. Maci gets on her high horse, bashing Ryan for not having a house, not working, and not going to school.

Maci barely goes to school. And, I’m sorry, what’s Maci’s job again? Maci and Ryan both collect MTV paychecks. She cannot hold that against him. If he chooses to live at home with Mommy and Daddy, so be it. Maci and Ryan are still practically kids themselves. I seriously cannot stand Maci anymore.

Ryan pulls up to Maci’s house and calls her on the phone. Maybe he doesn’t know how doorbells work? Ryan and his spit bottle grill Bentley about preschool on their way back to Ryan’s house. Bentley asks Ryan what Mimi is doing. Ryan says they’re waiting for Bentley to get there so they can play. Bentley asks, “Are they miss me?” Ryan says, “Oh, yes, they miss you.” Bentley is so cute.

Ryan brings Bentley home. Ryan’s mommy gives Ryan his mid-day snack of milk and cookies. Bentley’s off riding his four wheeler and Ryan and his parents are talking about Ryan pursuing 50/50 custody. Meanwhile, the sun sets. That was one VERY long conversation and Bentley is STILL riding that four wheeler.

Farrah Meets Daniel – And She’s Nice?

Last week, Farrah and Ashley attack Debra for being a horrible mother, yet they leave Sophia with Debra every chance they get. This night is no different. Farrah is anxious to date again and some poor schmuck got set up with her. So, Farrah leaves Sophia with the evil Debra so she she can get her date on.

Daniel is the poor schmuck. Daniel and Farrah enjoy the largest ice cream sundae on the planet. The more ice cream she has to eat, the less she talks. Good plan. Daniel seems generally interested in Farrah, even after she speaks. I consider this a smashing success thus far. Farrah talks about her move from Iowa. He says, “and you chose Florida.” She says, “No, that’s just where my broomstick landed.” (kidding)

Farrah tests the waters with the school and baby talk. Is this guy going to appreciate just how adult Farrah is, or will he crash and burn like the last guy? Daniel takes the news well. In fact, he’s “been around kids since he was kid.” That’s a weird thing to say, isn’t it? Daniel’s from Austin, Texas. Farrah wants to ride the cows in Texas with Daniel.

An entire Farrah scene and I don’t want to stab myself in the eyeballs. Could Daniel change Farrah for the better? He doesn’t look like he has superhero powers, so I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Debra, Farrah, and Sophia go out for dinner on Debra’s last night in Florida. “Baby” likes the highchair, Farrah offers her “sips, sips, sips,” and then Sophia passes out on the table. Nice. Farrah and Debra, like, have a normal conversation. I’m so confused. I mean, she’s still flippant in her answers but nothing like the real Farrah.

Debra is going home. On the way to the airport, she tells Farrah that she’s probably going to move to Florida. Even this bombshell doesn’t set off Farrah. Farrah’s only comment is that she can’t live with her.

Farrah finds someone to dump Sophia with now that evil mommy babysitter has gone home so she can go out with Daniel. They go horseback riding. It takes a special kind of dumbass to wear a long dress to go horseback riding. Farrah might be suddenly inexplicably nicer, but she’s still stupid.


Amber Leaves Paradise, Err, Rehab

Amber‘s been in rehab for 60 days now. It was touch and go for awhile, but she managed to stick it out. Amber’s mom is at her house in Indiana, getting it ready for her return.

Amber talks to JJ about her post-paradise goals. She needs to get her license so she can attend an out-patient therapy program. JJ tells her she better make that a priority. Huh? I thought paradise cured her. Amber also plans to finish her GED (we’ve heard that before) and find a new house to share with Gary and Leah (since her neighbors aren’t very nice).

Paradise obviously has a sweet on-site nail salon. Amber’s nails look fabulous.

Amber talks to therapist Laura about going home. Amber is worried about ex-friends and ex-boyfriends back at home. Laura talks to Amber about finding her calm center once she gets back home – and Amber’s eyes are barely open. She looks like she’s asleep. When she wakes up, Amber makes a lot of empty promises. Just like that, they unleash her back into society. Well, her housekeeping skills haven’t improved in paradise. She shoves her big messy pile of clothes into her suitcase and leaves for the airport. Amber’s mom is waiting for her in Indiana.

Amber and Leah are reunited. Leah is so, so precious. My heart breaks for Leah, stuck with the Pillsbury Dough boy for a father and a raging lunatic for a mother.

Next week on Teen Mom, it looks like Amber goes right back to her pre-paradise self, Butch is back in jail, Maci plans on buying a house, and Farrah introduces Daniel to Sophia.


Photo credit: MTV


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