Last week on Teen MomTyler Baltierra tried to movtivate (pressure?) Catelynn Lowell to get ready for college, Maci Bookout, umm, did nothing, Farrah Abraham met Daniel, and Amber Portwood went home to Indiana after being in paradise (rehab?) for 60 days.

Catelynn and Tyler Take Care of April

Well, Butch is back in jail. April breaks the news to Tyler. April calls, she barely says one word, and Tyler does one of his overreactions. Sometimes, I feel like Tyler is merely playing a character that he thinks we think is cute and edearing. Anyway, according to April, Butch came by her place, looking like he was on something (you don’t say?!), and he freaked out on her. April tells Tyler she’s all brused up. Tyler texts Catelynn while she’s at work to let her know.

Catelynn visits April. April says she and Butch were just hanging out and drinking beers. Then, April’s friend called her, Butch assumed April was talking to Nick’s dad, and “one thing led to another” – April shows Catelynn the bruises on her arm and the hole from Butch smashing April’s head into the bathroom wall. The toilet is also broken. April claims Butch held a rolled up towel against her neck. April knows they shouldn’t have been together but… you know, you know. She says “you know” repeatedly. Catelynn tells April their relationship is toxic because they enable each other. April says, “But… I love him.” Then she says she hates him and starts crying.


April goes on and on about how horrible Catelynn‘s childhood was because of April’s drinking, how she wants to change, how she wants Catelynn to be proud of her. April also blames Butch for all the negativity surrounding Carly‘s adoption. April wants Catelynn to forgive her. Catelynn says she has forgiven her, she just cannot forget. April tells Catelynn she’s going to go to meetings.

Tyler goes to see April. Catelynn, Tyler, April, and Nick are sitting on the couch, eating chicken nuggets. Tyler asks April what happened. April has enough sense to say she doesn’t want to talk about it in front of Nick. Catelynn takes Nick and her chicken nuggets outside. April tells Tyler the story, including the head bashed into the bathroom wall part. Tyler says that’s not “just” being slapped around. Oh, Tyler. I’m hoping Tyler was just trying to emphasize the severity of the bruises and not implying he thinks “just” being slapped around would be any better. Tyler worries me sometimes.

April doesn’t think Butch will ever stop drinking and doing drugs. Tyler says of course not. He definitely didn’t do it for his kids, he says. Tyler tells April she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. Tyler knows his dad is troubled and that his choices will most likely kill him. Tyler fears Butch is going to die as an unhappy person. Tyler breaks down. In an attempt to open April’s eyes, Tyler shares a text Butch sent to Tyler. Butch tells Tyler that he loves cocaine more than anything else in the world – including the people he claims to love. April says this really opens her eyes. Now she’s crying because she loves Butch so much. Once again, Tyler and Catelynn must parent their parents.

Tyler tells Catelynn about his talk with April. Tyler feels bad for April. Catelynn hopes April goes to meetings and gets clean. They think about Carly, saying, “Our innocence and childhood were stolen. Carly is at home in her bed. She’s going to have such good memories of her childhood.” Indeed.

Lately, Butch certainly delivers the funny with his one liners and mullet, so we’re quick to forget just how nasty he was in 16 and Pregnant. I do believe Butch is capable of attacking April, especially if he’s high. I don’t think April’s lying about this incident. However, given their drug use and April’s history of lying, no matter who gets hurts in the process, it’s hard for me to believe most of what she says. It wouldn’t blow my mind to later find out April lied. If she can sell out her own daughter, she can sell out her husband. Again, I’m not saying I think she did lie about this, but I think she’s capable. There’s a reason Butch and April are not supposed to be together. I feel so sorry for Catelynn and Tyler.

16 and Pregnant Star Flees State to Get Away From Her Twins’ Father

Maci and Kyle Buy a House

As soon as Maci figures out that she can go to her classes if she takes Bentley to preschool, her landlord tells her she needs to move. Stay tuned next week… Maci drops half of her part-time classes because she has to pack and move.

Kyle King calls a realtor. She never asks Maci and Kyle any questions about what they’re looking for but she’s ready to show them a house that very afternoon. Realtor Kim must think MTV is forking over some impressive cash. She shows Maci and Kyle a 3,500-square-foot home that’s $379,800. Maci tells Kim the price is too high. She wants less house and more land. While Bentley plays in the front seat of Kyle’s car, which is parked atop a huge hill, Maci and Kyle stand on the sidewalk to talk about their price range. At least they’re being smart about their financials. Thankfully, Bentley doesn’t hit the gear shift and take Kyle’s expensive and very red car for a joy ride down the hill. (True story – that totally happened to me when I was little.)

Maci is hanging with a friend, Erica, who is the daugther of realtor Kim. Maci tells Erica about the huge house she and Kyle looked at. Erica asks if the house is in their price range. Maci says, “Hell no!” Bentley says, “Hell no!” Maci corrects him, they laugh, and then Erica asks Maci about her future with Kyle. Maci is hopeful about their future. She’s ready for more babies, but she wants to be married first. Erica doesn’t see Maci and Kyle breaking up, so she thinks their buying a house together is a great idea. Maci and Kyle talk to Maci’s mom about buying a house. Maci’s mom asks who is buying the house. Kyle is. Maci’s mom asks what happens if they break up – Maci will be homeless. Maci is confident –  they will not break up.

Ryan Edwards and his parents talk about Maci and Kyle’s plans to buy a house together. Like most things pertaining to Maci, Ryan couldn’t care less. Also, Ryan is going for joint custody.

Maci and Kyle look at another house. This house is listed for $79,000. As a foreclosure, the house needs some fixing. It’s a small house but more than enough room for Maci, Kyle, and Bentley. Kyle writes an offer.

Farrah Introduces Daniel to Sophia

Farrah takes Sophia for a pony ride. You know, because Farrah is dating a Texan, and they must suddenly learn how to ride horses. Sophia is adorable when she smiles for a picture. After two successful dates, Farrah is ready to introduce Daniel to Sophia. Farrah tells Sophia that Daniel is “cool, chill, and awesome.” Farrah thinks Daniel is up to par with her adulthood.

It’s a big day for Farrah. First, it’s her first day of school. Later, Sophia is going to meet Daniel. Farrah is preparing Sophia for the day’s events. Sophia is being two. Sophia makes it very clear she’d rather have a cookie than spend the day with her babysitter. Is Farrah seriously wearing that humongous green hat? When she was in her closet and curling her hair with it on, I thought she was just trying to be funny.

Debra calls Farrah to wish her a great first day of school. Farrah does not freak out, roll her eyes, or cop an attitude. Instead, she thanks Debra, makes a joke, smiles, and ends the call with a “love you, mom.” Having a boyfriend (having sex?) definitely agrees with Farrah. Yee-haw!

Farrah is getting ready for her date with Daniel. Sophia is being two again. Sophia is throwing clothes, taking Farrah’s stuff, and slamming doors. Farrah carries a crying Sophia to her room, gates her in, and says, “Trying slamming doors now.” Farrah goes back to curling her hair. Sophia’s pleading… “Mommy!” Farrah goes back to Sophia’s room and tells her to quit. Sophia cries, “I’m stuck.” Farrah tells her she’s not stuck, she’s in time out, and they make these gates so little babies aren’t slamming doors and running around while their mommies ignore their babies in favor of getting pretty for boys. Farrah lets Sophia out, then goes back to doing her hair. Sophia is still getting into everything. Farrah says, “I’m trying to be nice and let you, like, be, like, a toddler. But you’re,like, acting, like, you can’t even handle that.” Farrah hopes Sophia doesn’t scare away Daniel. If he gets scared away, it’s not going to be Sophia’s fault. Sophia is desperately craving mommy’s attention – so sad.

Farrah introduces Sophia and Stitchy-poo to Daniel. Farrah’s driving, Daniel gets stuck holding Stitchy-Poo, and Sophia is just barely buckled into her car seat. Farrah asks Daniel how he feels about her having a daugther. He thinks it’s cool. He says, “I think you’ve handled your business.” Farrah asks Daniel, “Do you think you can handle this?” Daniel says yes. He’s used to having a lot of kids around, he likes kids a lot. Farrah asks, “You don’t get annoyed? You don’t get bothered?” Daniel says, “No. Kids are kids. You can’t really blame them for anything. They’re just being kids.” Farrah says, “Exactly. I’ve learned that too.” HAHAHA. When exactly did Farrah learn this? When she was walking to the lobby to meet up with Daniel? Because I’m pretty sure we just saw Farrah lose her marbles – definitely “frustrated” and definitely “bothered” – because Sophia couldn’t be a nice toddler.

Daniel, Farrah, Sophia, and Stitchy-poo go out for dinner. On the way home from dinner, Daniel gets to drive, Farrah gets Stitchy-poo, and Sophia, who is now worse off in her car seat than she was on the way, is asking for Grandma. Farrah skypes Debra when they get back to Farrah’s apartment. Daniel says hello (he even impresses me with a “likewise”). While they’re talking, Farrah asks her mom to come to Florida to watch Sophia while she goes to Austin (Austin, Texas, in case you were confused) with Daniel. How many dates have they been on now? Three? I sure hope there were a few we didn’t get to see. Yeah, probably not.

Will Amber Portwood Get to See Daughter Leah While In Jail?

Amber Fails to Find Her Calm Center

Amber found her GED books. After she probably spent an entire day dusting them and ridding them of moths, she studies for the camera. Gary Shirley calls Amber as he’s putting Leah to bed. Amber wants to come see her for five minutes. Gary says no because Leah is going to bed. Amber says she’ll just lie down with Leah until she’s asleep. Gary says no. Amber asks Gary if Leah can spend the next day with her. Gary says, “I don’t know.” Is Gary purposely being passive aggressive here or is he just clueless? Part of me thinks he called Amber when it was obviously a bad time for Leah just to get Amber riled up. The other part of me thinks Gary just isn’t that smart.

Amber goes out to dinner with her cousin Krystal and Krystal’s son. Amber’s stressing. No worries – everything should be fine – Amber should find that calm center she learned in paradise any second. Amber‘s upset because Gary is blowing her off and it’s been a week since she’s seen Leah. Amber thinks Gary is keeping Leah from her because Amber’s not spending enough time with HIM. Krystal suggests Amber go to Gary’s house and get Leah. Is Krystal hoping for a fight? That’s the last thing Amber should do.

Amber wishes she could go back to rehab because she doesn’t know how to live anymore. Krystal calls Gary. Amber mutters, “I don’t want to hear his voice.” Didn’t she just ask him to go steady? Krystal asks Gary if he’s going to let Amber have Leah the next day. Gary says, “Whoa, she really wants Leah?” Again – passive aggressive or just stupid? Amber is smacking her fist into her palm. No, really, that calm center is just around the corner, here it comes…

Gary says he’ll bring Leah over to Amber‘s house at 1 and pick her up between 8 and 9. He asks if Amber can hear him. Amber says, “Yeah, I can hear you, fat ass. I hear your nasty ass.” Amber took a detour on the way to her calm center, I guess. Krystal, the voice of reason, tells Amber she needs to stop saying stuff like that and learn to be civil to Gary. Amber says he’s a piece of crap. Krystal tells Amber she needs to get away from Gary if she ever wants to be happy again.

It’s the next day, and Amber is waiting for Gary to bring Leah. He promised to bring her at 1:00. Amber calls Gary, asking when he’ll be there. Gary says he’s getting Leah’s stuff ready and he’ll be there in a little bit. Amber freaks. She says, “I have to go to the doctor. I can’t wait. I’m trying to be nice, (now she’s yelling) so stop f***ing being mean, dude.” Gary asks, “I’m not being mean, don’t yell at me.” Amber yells, “You are being mean to me.” Amber says, “I want her at 1:00.” Gary says, “I’m bring her right now. Just give me a damn minute.” Amber yells, “Why are you f***ing cussing at me, you piece of s**t.” Gary stars to talk… Amber screams, “Oh, shut the f*** up and bring my daughther, you fat ass.” Amber’s still swearing at him after she hangs up the phone. She tosses her phone aside and says Gary isn’t important to her. Amber’s so messed up. She is blind to her own actions and words. All she can process is how things affect her and, as a result, she’s always a victim.

Gary brings Leah to Amber. Gary would have walked away without any confontation, but Amber starts in on him – in front of Leah. Amber says, “Watch your mouth when you’re talking to me on the phone because I’m talking to you nice.” (NICE?!) Gary ignores Amber, tells Leah he loves her. Amber says, “Whatever, dude, you’re an immature piece of crap.” Gary drives away. Well, at this point, it’s obvious Amber forgot to pack her calm center when she left paradise.

Amber and Krystal take the kids to the park for fast food picnic. Amber complains to Krystal about Gary being late when he dropped off Leah. She says he didn’t get there until 1:30, but she doesn’t mention he probably could have been there by 1:20 if he didn’t have to deal with Amber’s phone call. Krystal asks if Gary was nice when he dropped off Leah. Amber says, “Nooooo! He was rude.” She must mean, he rudely didn’t react to her insanity, giving her the fight she wants.

Amber reveals that she doesn’t want to do outpatient therapy because it’s 52 minutes away from her house. Meanwhile, MTV is weeping over the money they spent for Amber to go to that fancy rehab.

Next week, Sophia throws something at Farrah’s head and then Farrah wants to ask her mom to take her for a month. A MONTH? I can’t wait to hear the reason. Is it because Farrah isn’t digging the terrible twos? Are Farrah and Daniel going to Texas for an entire month? Most adults would bring their kids with them. Maci and Kyle move into their new house. Bentley is not impressed. Butch is arraigned.  Amber cries.


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