The second episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne kicks off with Lydia Schiavello shopping with her Stepson, Sam at a high-end designer boutique, Christines. Man, does she know how to shop. She buys whatever she wants and that includes a trench coat made out of pantyhose (I sound like my grandmother). Then, she weirdly tries it on and walks out of the dressing room in a black lace bra wearing said pantyhose-material trench and asks Sam what he thinks. Gross. He’s your stepson.
Speaking of shopping, Gina Liano is at Versace for some new dresses, bags and shoes to bring abroad to spend time with her long-distance boyfriend. He’s flying her out to to be with after she shared with him what Jackie Gillies, the psychic, revealed at the ladies’ dinner a few nights prior. He completely denied any cheating (hence the plane ticket. Um, OK. Can you say someone is busted and feeling guilty??) and of course Gina believes him without a doubt (mind you, he has been abroad for SIX months, so why would he cheat…)
Lydia gives Gina a quick call to check-in with her and make sure she’s okay after what Jackie said and Gina is all “I’m good – no really!!! Heading to Miami for week and looking forward to a tan! This has nothing to do with what Jackie said. Really!! Byeeeeee!!!” and Lydia doesn’t seem to buy it.
Jackie and her husband Ben are driving (and club-dancing at the same time) and are heading to the bar to meet with a mixologist friend, Nathan, where they will discuss their new business venture which is a line of tequila drinks. Nathan’s feedback is that Vodka is really what sells and psychic Jackie completely disregards his professional opinion and decides that in her psychic opinion tequila is really speaking to her – it’s very “Sex and the City” (which is a great barometer for coolness if it were 10 years ago).
Lydia thinks something stinks with Jackie so she invites her over to a local gallery in Melbourne to give her a second shot. Lydia immediately asks Jackie if she could read her. Jackie obliges and says you’ll have another kid, it’s a boy with curly hair. Lydia already has a gazillion kids/stepkids so she doesn’t really believe Jackie is “reading her” right. Jackie shifts gears and mentions that her husband is thinking of buying a plane (reaching for common ground with Lydia) and Lydia goes into her monologue about how she only flies private and can’t be bothered to travel commercial anymore. Oh, no. Lydia cannot go thru TSA and deal with tossing out her bottles of Chanel perfume. She doesn’t even want to waste the perfume on the smelly people that fly first class with her – so private is the only to go. Yep! Lydia brings up the dinner and tells Jackie that Gina doesn’t believe her psychic reading of her and Jackie doesn’t really care. Lydia gave her the heads up that Gina will chat with her about it when she gets back from Miami. Dun-Dun-Duuunnnn.
On a brighter note – we meet Andrea Moss’s kids (Bud, Kiff and Buster, yeah, I’m serious) and get a glimpse of her routine and holy crap. It’s legit. She is reviewing a 54-point bullet list with her new nanny (one of four) about the kid’s schedule and her expectations. I love this. Just as I’m thinking to myself that Andrea should write a book about being a mom and juggling it all – she reveals just that. I will be buying this book ASAP. She even has a nanny phone exclusively for making phones call about the kids and no internet. The nanny has to leave her phone in her bag and not text her boyfriend while she works for Andrea. This lady is a Badass. “You can have it all if you hire a nanny…or a few nannies”. Truer words haven’t been spoken!
Chyka Keebaugh decides to throw a dinner party for the ladies to try some delish food from her uber successful event planning company. Meanwhile, Jackie vents to Ben about her convo with Lydia about Gina. Jackie knows Gina believes her reading otherwise why is she hopping on a jet to be with her boyfriend?? I agree Jackie! Chyka accompanies Janet Roach to her jeweler to finally depart with her wedding rings from her previously failed marriages to rid her of the bad karma and make a new ring out of the old ones. I kinda love Janet and it’s nice to see her get excited about moving on.
Jackie and Lydia are in a limo on their way to Chyka’s tasting dinner and Lydia bitches about the plastic cups in the limo. She doesn’t do plastic. Jackie is great and basically tells Lydia to shove it and just drink out the damn thing and which Lydia begrudgingly does. They scoop up Janet and Andrea and off they go to the dinner.
Once they sit down they get right down to business and discuss why Gina is off in Miami. The women stand by Jackie and believe that she truly read Gina correctly the other night. Jackie proceeds to call out Lydia in front the ladies that she told her that Gina thinks her readings are BS and everyone just agrees that Gina is going through some $hit and needs to figure things out. Chyka’s husband, Bruce, joins the ladies for dinner and he’s intrigued by Jackie. Jackie introduces herself for the 80th time in 2 episodes as wife of the drummer from Silver Chair, you know, Australian rock royalty and good God, she LOVES to play this card. It’s too much. We get it, he’s a drummer in a band that had a hit song a decade ago. She is laying this whole rocker wife role on way too thick. Nevertheless, Jackie invites the gang to her house for a rock n’ roll housewarming party so we’ll see where this goes.
Jackie’s wedding dress designer, Henry, comes over to her house to visit and they have champagne (like the 97th glass this episode) and catch up with all things Melbourne. Jackie brings him up to speed and their charisma together is hilarious. Henry might need a spin-off. She notes that she renews her vows every year (but after 3 years of marriage hasn’t gotten around to it yet) and decides to try on her dress. Ben, her husband, walks in the middle of the craziness and establishes that Jackie might be enjoying her new life in too much. I can’t help but think that although Jackie preaches so much about being “rock n’ roll” and down to earth, that I think she might also be a little obsessed with the fame and money as well.
Gina returns from Miami and reflects upon her dating situation. Despite the fact that she’s been dating her boyfriend for 8 years, she doesn’t see herself moving her family, her job and her dog to be with him, so she’s not sure if she’ll continue this relationship. I think Jackie’s reading must have hit too close to home for Gina. Eight years of dating under these circumstances and all of sudden Gina is questioning it? I think he’s cheating. Sorry Gina, but I do. Jackie decides to meet with Gina for coffee and discuss her issues with her. Gina shows up to the coffee meeting with more hot pink on than I thought humanly possible. Jackie asks her about what she told Lydia and Gina flat out lies, and then recants and calls Jackie a demon. Jackie is completely offended and hurt because she is not demonic and just answered Gina’s request to “be read”. Gina uses the excuse that because she is a lawyer – she is about truth (huh?) and could and never would lie. Jackie holds her own against Gina (her eye make-up alone is intimidating) and I have a feeling Gina’s lies will be exposed soon.
The next episode is Jackie’s housewarming party and it looks like a showdown occurs.
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Recap Author: Bonnie K.
Photo Credit: Bravo TV