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In Brandi Glanville’s latest blog, she breaks down this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.  She gives her theory on the three personalities of Lisa Rinna, bashes Eileen Davidson for her dramatics, apologizes for slapping Lisa Vanderpump and says we’re all hypocrites and filled with double standards.  And she announces her new wine. 

Brandi starts by explaining that who you travel with can set the tone for the entire trip and she wasn’t having a good time with these ladies.  “I think you can see that at this point of the trip I was just over it and wanted to be home with my family. I was really just phoning it in at this point and tired of the constant bickering, fakeness, hypocrisy, and overdone soap-opera dramatics.”

Brandi thinks that Lisa is suffering from multiple personality disorder.  “The thing that I see the most is that there are three different Lisa R. personalities. The first is the bubbly, cool chick I had on my podcast and really liked. The second is the one who uses a soft, convincing actress voice to label people she barely knows as addicts, insane, and white trash every week for our entire time together. These labels were because she “CARES.” The third Lisa R. is the one that said, “Why is everyone afraid of Kim Richards?” and now says, “Kim Richards scares me!” This is the same personality all the other women seem to excuse the most and have to literally physically restrain from violence…This last one is the same Lisa R. taking angry potshots at people online and on Twitter since November. I guess some people that wear that little red string on their wrist just pretend to study Kaballah? I have friends that actually do study it, and they are pacifists. Don’t worry she deleted her many crazy Tweets pretty quickly, but they’re out there.  I seriously need a chart to figure out who Lisa R. really is and which personality we have to deal with on the daily. Her multiple-personality disorder is so confusing.”

Brandi next diagnoses Lisa Vanderpump as only having two personalities and says the second one has a “hit list.”  She shares, “Lisa V. is only two different people. One is the lewd, bawdy English chick with the wicked sense of humor that I love, who made a speech alluding to all the BJs she gave to win her virtual Daytime Emmy. The one that cracks sex jokes ’round the clock, exaggerates fake sexual exploits, and uses self-deprecating sexual humor all the while making fun of everyone else as well. I have a few Brit friends that I have known for many years, and I relate to them. I lived in Europe for over six years, afterall. Brits make fun of themselves with a dry, monotone voice and expect you to return the joke right back. It’s called banter. The more wicked, the better. If you can twist what they say right back to them, they love it. It’s never serious and never taken as an insult. So, we have the Lisa V. who does this ’round the clock since I met her, but now, depending on the moment, we have a second Lisa V. who pretends a colorful joke is a serious insult. She is now shocked when people, or just me (and maybe Stassi), repeat exactly what she has said previously. It’s a convenient shock, reserved for people on her hit list, which she turns off and on like a light switch. Like I said, her two personalities are exhausting. Now she’s on Twitter pretending to clutch her pearls (or, in her case, diamonds), acting like the Queen of England saying I accused her of cheating on King Ken. Officially, here you go Lisa V.: I have never ever said that, never thought it, and you know it’s complete and total BS. I was just continuing a long-running joke that you started with me years ago. Ridiculous.”

Brandi would like to go back to Amsterdam with Yolanda for a do-over, just the two of them. 

Brandi swears she tried several times to diffuse the tension at dinner, but failed.  “Yo’s private boat dinner should have been perfect, and I tried to save it three times. I didn’t succeed, but I tried. The tension was so thick, it was impossible. Before dinner, I tried to do a round-table example of how all of us have been unfairly labeled in one way or another. I went around the table exaggerating our labels and was about to say, “Other people’s negative labels are all BS. We should just let them go and try to move on.” Eileen SEEMS smart enough to know where I was going. I was trying to defuse the whole thing, making us seem equally mislabeled and level the situation. This Emmy winner clearly needed her moment and had to pull out the soap opera acting card by interrupting me dramatically. She cut me off and stole the scene to try and make it all about her, instead of all us having a moment to agree we’ve all been stuck with unfair labels at one time or another. Eileen’s constant LAME soap opera dramatics and “How dare yous!” can be filed under fake bad acting and completely exhausting.” 

Brandi admits that she really screwed up with that slap.  “Lisa V. and I were actually laughing and starting to have fun on the “Love Boat.” I fell into the old pattern of being super silly with Lisa V. I felt connected to her again and randomly was playing out a scene with her asking for a Julie-style kiss. She was playing back with me like old days, not giving the kiss when she said she was going to smack me. This thought had never crossed my mind, because I am a kisser…The moment got the best of me, and I took her suggestion and ran with it… MISTAKE! I apologized immediately and immensely and continued to for an hour and weeks after. Maybe we were all possibly in a soap opera time warp. I was asking Lisa V. for a kiss and to make up Love Boat style. I NEVER would have thought of smacking Lisa had she not said it herself. You can obviously see us happy, giggling, being affectionate, and playing like we use to. You can also see how Lisa V. changed personalities and was cool with me as soon as the others had walked ahead. I was JOKING and told her we should kiss and finally make up! I NEVER EVER planned to smack her… However, regardless of the circumstances, I did and apologized immediately and profusely when I saw both of our reactions. I f—ed up. I own that.” 

Brandi owns it, but she’s a little miffed that nobody was incredulous last week over Lisa Rinna breaking a glass and assaulting Kim.  “Lisa V. took what happened straight to the other women. They are all now trying to get as much mileage out of this as they can. Why so much drama about this wrong, but playful, moment? Notice that none of the other women in last week’s blogs or even on Twitter mention Lisa R. physically attacking/assaulting Kim or myself across the table? Not one word. Had we been blinded by the glass, maybe the tone would be different. But alas, we weren’t, so everything you saw last week never happened. #doublestandard #hypocrisy.” 

Brandi blasts that Eileen and Lisa need to check their own closets for skeletons.  “We see Eileen get bent out of shape when people accept apologies, make peace, and agree to go shopping for a day. I guess it doesn’t fit her dramatic agenda. Next Dr. Eileen and Dr. Lisa R. have a strong talk with Kyle about her and Kim’s relationship issues (TALK ABOUT COMING BETWEEN TWO SISTERS), telling Kyle she should basically drop her own sister. They both admittedly barely knowing Kim and Kyle, but have now labeled Kim as “abusive,” because she finally spoke up and told Kyle she has not been supportive lately. That is not even close to abuse. More BS agendas and labeling. I say if you spot it, you got it, and these two actresses need to check their own closets for skeletons and stop worrying about everyone else.”

And then Brandi begins her set up for launching cookbooks, cooking shows and/or new products, “Today is a good day, one of my favorite days: grocery shopping day! Yep, now you know my secret: grocery shopping is one of my favorites things to do. I would never let anyone do my shopping for me. I think of my boys the whole time, imagining dinners and what we will cook together. It’s family happy thinking for me. I’ve got my coupons ready, and it’s the day to get the best deals (knowledge that is a benefit of having a father who worked in a grocery store for over 30 years). After this, I get to pick up my two hungry boys and make memories (cook dinner).”

And she IS launching another product: a chardonnay.  “I will soon be experimenting on pairing entrees with MY new Chardonnay! Get ready to see my wannabe chef/foodie side come out.  Super excited about my new Chardonnay, Unfiltered Blonde, which is about to launch and can’t wait to share it with you. After the reunion, you’ll definitely need a glass or three.” 

TELL US – IS BRANDI SPOT ON ABOUT LISA RINNA and LISA VANDERPUMP OR IS SHE FULL OF IT? IS SHE RIGHT THAT WE’RE ALL HYPOCRITES FOR NOT BEING OUTRAGED WITH LISA R.’S WINE GLASS THROW/SMASH?

Photo Credit: Bravo TV

 

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