A dear, dear lifelong friend (transplanted to Boston but addicted to seeing her state featured on Southern Charm) texted me a “Which Southern Charm Gentleman is Your Soul Mate” (or something to that effect) quiz, stating, “I’ll tell you mine, but ONLY after you tell me yours.” I got Shepard “Shep” Rose (natch), and she hesitantly admitted that her match was Whitney Sudler-Smith’s divinely devilish mother. She lamented, “I think it’s slightly embarrassing that an opinionated lady who loves her medicine is my soul mate. What does that say about me?!?” Um, I’d say it just confirms how amazing my friend is…had I known Ms. Pat was an option, I may have swayed my responses! That said, last night’s episode proves that Whitney and Patricia are just fine playing the villainous upper echelon who take pleasure in looking down (way down!) on their co-stars. She’s like the love child of Julia Sugarbaker and Regina George with her flawless style, biting observations, and ultimate Mean Girl exclusion.
The show begins with Patricia summoning her butler (the newbie Mr. Belvedere has been busy polishing the silver…I’m glad to see he got the job!) to request glue sticks on his next run to the Publix. She’s compiling scrapbooks for her son as practice for a wedding photo album, but you won’t find these leather, gold-embossed babies on Pinterest, that’s for sure. Patricia opines about Whitney’s young, European reality star girlfriend and their foray into foreign tabloids as she dreams of a couture Valentino for their ceremony. Whitney arrives to complain about the Sandy Duncan from hell who Thomas Ravenel has enlisted to run his campaign. She doesn’t like the Raise the Roof ad, and Patricia is confused by this serf’s taste in low-budget political propaganda. Pat found her son’s vision of a dancing T-Rav to be “brilliant.” The duo laughs at the thought that any ad or manager could get Thomas a seat in the US Senate, as Whitney recaps his fundraiser at Bowen’s Island (Patricia briefly turns into Cher Horowitz…”as if” she’d attend any event off the peninsula!). He relays Kathryn Dennis’ bunny boiler meltdown when she felt condescended to by Whitney. Patricia poo poos the grammar and turns the attention to her diamond studded flats.
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Across town, Cameran Eubanks get a call from Thomas relieving her from her duties as their realtor. He and Kathryn have found a place downtown. Cameran is understandably frustrated about losing the commission, but she realizes this is T-Rav’s weak attempt to placate Katheryn in place of an engagement ring. Thomas is fully aware of Kathryn’s altercation with Whitney, but if she’s not going to bring it up, he certainly won’t say a word. Kathryn doesn’t want to add any extra stress to his campaign, and T-Rav worries that she’s a loose cannon around potential contributors at future events.
At Republic (which seems to be one of the only bars that allows Bravo to film…they certainly don’t hang out there on a regular basis, do they?), Shep is living the good life–taking shots with the bartenders and flirting with birthday celebrants thirteen years his junior. Speaking of (and I’m sorry to keep inserting my own stories into the recap, but it’s part of what I find so fascinating about this show!), I was in Atlanta this weekend for a wedding, and my friends and I struck up a conversation with the couple next to us over lunch. Upon hearing where I lived, the gentleman pointed at his girlfriend and shrieked, “Her sister hooked up with Shep! I was very over protective about it, and he referred to himself as The Shep when we met him.” Minutes later, said sister arrived, and he introduced her as the girl who “dated Shep a few times back in the day” (your secret’s safe with me, buddy…oh, wait). Anyhoo, The Shep is having a ball at Republic until he spies Craig Conover and remembers his role as responsible mentor. Does Craig realize he doesn’t have a trust fund to fall back on when all of this goes away? Shep wonders when his friend is going to actually start using his law degree…he’s not a Rockefeller, he’s a Flintstone. Shep is flanked by young ladies and booze, but he recognizes that Craig is in a downward spiral. Trying to lead by example, Shep peaces out, citing an early morning. Craig doesn’t get the hint.
Out at Thomas’ Edisto plantation, his staff is prepping for a casual barbeque to prove he’s a man of the people. Sandy Duncan plows through his Oxford collection trying to find an button-down shirt that isn’t too pink, too fall, or too hoity. Kathryn opts for a white YSL t-shirt with an orange bra. Cameran recognizes that it’s a struggle for the twenty-three-year-old to know what’s appropriate to wear to her fifty-one-year-old Senate candidate boyfriend’s events. And did she mention that this cook-out was open to the public? And that by “public” she means any random T-Rav super fan off the street can attend–and know exactly where he lives (how did I not know about it?)?? Kathryn shares that they are moving downtown next week, and Danni is excited to
not have to drive 45 minutes to fulfill her filming commitment have her friend closer. She reminds Kathryn that she’ll be moving three houses down from Craig. Kathryn is thrilled to have a fellow bar star nearby who is also pretty and loves to party. She equates Craig and herself to being the gray sheep of the crew. As the girls coo over the adorable baby Kensington, Cameran praises Kathryn’s maternal skills and her determination to make things work with T-Rav. Coveting Danni’s dress, by the way… On the veranda, Thomas welcomes his guests and espouses about taxation and economic affairs. He proceeds to thank everyone in attendance (did he miss anyone?) except for a certain red-headed Courtney Love. Kathryn is ready for these strangers to get the heck out of dodge, and Sandy Duncan tries to calm her (condescend to her?) about the importance of T-Rav schmoozing with the attendees. Sandy pretends to understand Kathryn’s (legitimate!) frustrations, but she quickly runs to Thomas to alert him of the childish drama. Damn it. Sandy Duncan is making me sympathize with Kathryn even more…something I vowed in season one never to do! 😉
Transitioning from one epic event to the next, Cooper is preparing for his fashion show which is taking place at the Palmer House. I clearly need to go on a walking tour, as I jog by that place
every day twice a week after work, and I just thought it was some really ridiculously rich person’s residence. Cooper is excited about the show and the city which has inspired it, and he knows it will be a wonderful precursor to his anticipated King Street store front. Landon Clements arrives as he’s debriefing the college (high school?) interns. She is ready to dive in to planning “his little show.” It’s nice to see a more assertive Landon as she champions for more Oriental rug/runway space and scolds Cooper for planning to film the rehearsal with his iPhone. On the morning of the show (well, let’s be honest…late afternoon), Shep arrives at Craig’s apartment to ferry him to the fete. He’s overwhelmed by the mess (perhaps Craig can continue his reality career on Hoarders?). After all, even The Shep knows how to do laundry! Shep seems genuinely concerned about his cohort’s future career while noting Craig’s vodka breakfast and questioning whether he wants to practice law. Craig assures him he does his best legal work at night–he’s a vampire (preach, Craig. Maybe we’re kindred…except my midnight oil work starts before 9AM). Craig has little tolerance for a lecture from the consummate man child. He’s taking the bar, people! Take a chill pill already! Going out is Craig’s hobby which is a step up from his hobby of “girls” cited in last week’s episode. He doesn’t need Shep to baby-sit him. Shep recognizes that one can live a sloppy life if they have Scrooge McDuck amounts of family money, but the Conovers haven’t won the lottery yet.
Kathryn is thrilled to be moving downtown, but Thomas is wistful for life on the plantation. However, he’s willing to move her designer bags and shoes if it will buy him time with a diamond. Downtown, Shep and Craig arrive to the Palmer House so Craig can prep for Cooper’s show. Shep has opted out, and Craig, sporting a tank clearly designed by the youngest Jenners, thinks it’s a wise idea given Shep’s lack of facial symmetry and ape arms. Whitney is on-hand to escort his mother to the fashion show, and Patricia finds a great deal of humor in the fact that her last runway experience was front row at a haute couture show in Paris and now she’s hoofing it to a local bed-and-breakfast. Whitney suggests they opt out of the after-party. He’d rather enlist his mother’s pooch’s acupuncturist to play darts with his scrotum then put himself in the path of a drunken hillbilly femme fatale. At the Palmer House, Craig is mainlining whiskey while Shep touts his sobriety. The Shep realizes his advice to Craig may be a tad hypocritical, and Craig can’t stand responsible Shep. As Whitney and Patricia make their way to the Battery, Pat asserts that Craig is handsome enough to model, but what about that whole law school thing? Whitney retorts that his mess of a friend isn’t cut out for the legal profession. He hasn’t even taken the bar yet!
Landon is organizing the models as Patricia notes the T-Rav campaign sign outside the Palmer House. Kathryn is determined to bite her tongue as far as Whitney is concerned, and Craig is sneaking hooch wherever he can find it. Thomas is hoping that Whitney and Kathryn can act civilly, and Cameran is bummed she forgot to stop by the Piggly Wiggly to score some tomatoes to toss at Craig. Kathryn can’t deny Craig’s hotness, and I’m impressed with his ability to walk a straight-ish line. Landon is proud of her contribution to Cooper’s fashion show…if life gives you lemons, you make limoncello! Once the models take their final walk, Whitney tells Shep he plans to bow out before the after-party. Shep applauds his friend’s discretion in wanting to avoid another confrontation with Kathryn. Not surprisingly, the after-party is being hosted by Republic. Landon is DJ-ing, T-Rav is playing make-up artist to his baby mama, and Shep fills in Cameran on his chat with Craig. She is grateful that someone else is expressing their concern so she doesn’t look like the lone over-reactor. Shep plans to take the lead in #OperationSaveCraig, and T-Rav is willing to jump on board as well after watching Craig chug a bottle of champs. A glassy-eyed Thomas stumbles into Craig to make sure all is well. He is trying to become a lawyer, after all. Craig isn’t keen on a wasted T-Rav bestowing advice upon him about the importance of balancing work and play…especially when he’s having a hard time balancing at the moment.
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? DOES CRAIG DESERVE SHEP’S LECTURES?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]