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Well, it’s already time for season three of Little Women: LA, and I’m still left scratching my head over the two-part reunion from last season, which pitted mean girl Terra Jole against Christy McGinty in what looked like a friendship-ending scenario. But, both Terra and Christy are back, along with veteran LWLA castmates Tonya Banks, Briana Manson, and Elena Gant. Joining the cast as newbies are Miley Cyrus dancer Brittney Guzman, aka “Freakabritt,” and Orange County mom, Jasmine Arteaga Sorge. Traci Harrison is not back as an official cast member, but may appear in some scenes with bestie Terra or the group as a whole as the season rolls forward. Reports surface back in June that Traci and hubby Erik are expecting their first child together (yay!), so she stepped back from the show. Traci, about five months pregnant now with an average sized baby, calls her pregnancy “a miracle.”  

Now, on to season three! We catch up with new mom Terra at the gym where she’s dancing with Brittney, who Terra’s been friends with via their connection as Miley Cyrus dancers. Terra’s daughter, Penny, is two months old and doing great. Terra hopes to plan a wedding soon, but before then, she’s working on getting back into her pre-mommy body. Briana is hosting a wine event soon, so Terra wants to integrate Brittney into the group – all of whom will be at the event. Brittney knows Tonya, Elena, and Christy in varying degrees already. Briana is new to her, but she’s willing to give the event a go.   

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Speaking of Briana, we find her at her wine event, which is safari themed, getting ready for the group to arrive. She hasn’t seen the girls in a few months because she’s still smarting from their interference in her relationship with Matt, who her friends thought was shady, shady, shady. And they were right. Christy and Elena (who looks like she’s gotten some major facial work done!) show up first. Christy says she’s still trying to get pregnant with hubby Todd, but having no luck yet. Christy hasn’t seen Terra since before she had her baby, and is just hoping Terra “doesn’t pull any of her crap” today. Tonya appears in full Cheetah print ensemble with updates that she and boyfriend Jaa are still together. But taking it slow like molasses. After her run-in with dirty dog Trevore last season, Tonya’s not running headlong into another doomed relationship just yet.

Briana’s new friend Jasmine, who’s new to the group, shows up next. She’s from an average sized family, has an average sized husband and son, and doesn’t find herself surrounded by many little people in her life. So she’s excited to get to know more women from Briana’s circle. After giving her the stank eye, Tonya refuses to shake Jasmine’s hand, giving off the exact first impression of malice she intends. Apparently, Tonya met Jasmine at a party before and claims she was disrespectful, rude and pushy. She also accuses Jasmine of talking to her ex on social media, then promptly starts an argument with her. “I don’t like the heffa,” snarks Tonya, who never met a newbie she didn’t hate. So, I guess nothing’s changed since last season after all!

Brittney arrives next with Terra. Elena is ecstatic to see Brittney, which surprises her, who thought their friendship was strained after they stopped hanging out a while ago. The safari gets underway, followed by a wine tasting. Tonya goes out of her way to make Jasmine feel as uncomfortable as possible, while Jasmine pulls Briana and Christy away from the group to ask why Tonya is such a rabid dog. Terra, meanwhile, tries to calm Tonya down – to no avail, of course.

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After some grape stomping, it’s time for more cheese and wine and gossip about Briana’s renewed relationship with Matt. Briana has her engagement ring back on, but doesn’t want to talk about Matt with this group of haters. Tonya is getting her haterade on as she gets herself more and more revved up about Jasmine being a “sneaky b*tch” who allegedly spoke with the brokedown Trevore at some point. Tonya makes a point of not toasting with the group because she doesn’t like Jasmine, then launches into the particulars of her disdain. “You can’t just walk in and fit in,” says the Wise and Great Tonya Banks. Jasmine accuses her of being threatened, which is exactly correct. Meanwhile the rest of the ladies dance around the issue of Tonya not playing well with others, claiming that it’s tough for the new girls to come in and be “besties” with them right out of the gate. When Jasmine doesn’t back down though – which is awesome – Tonya threatens her: “Girl, you about to get f*k’d up!” Then she peaces out. Yesss! Jasmine successfully drove Tonya out of the group inside of one afternoon. Jasmine: 1. Tonya: 0.       

Back at Christy’s house, she’s trying to put together a barbecue grill for Todd. They’re exploring IVF treatments to get pregnant, which gives them the choice in embryos between average sized and little people genes. Christy and Todd both want the healthiest child possible which, for them, means choosing an average sized embryo. Interesting. 

At Jasmine’s home we meet her son Mason, who is a cutie! Briana comes over for a visit to debrief about the insanity that is Tonya. She apologizes to Jasmine about Tonya’s ridiculous behavior, and Jasmine expresses shock over the situation in general. She breaks down in tears, feeling threatened by Tonya and scared to ever see her again, frankly. 

Tonya and Elena meet for drinks to discuss Tonya’s hatred of Jasmine, who she doesn’t want pushed on her by Briana. Elena, on the other hand, feels bad for Briana, who she thinks brought Jasmine into the friendship circle to be on her “team.” But Tonya’s too busy trying to build #TeamRabid to care about Briana right now, asking Elena straight up, “Who’s side are you gonna be on?” Elena evades for now while Tonya argues that Jasmine could work her way “up from an F to an A” with her if she just apologizes for her behavior. This moment of grandiose delusion was brought to us by the letter “R” for ratchet. Which is how Tonya behaves At.All.Times.

At the IVF clinic, Christy gets her lady parts checked out. She makes sure to reiterate that she’s on her period, just to gross Todd out a bit more. The doctor gives them the good news that they can choose embryos that don’t have double dominant genes, which can prove fatal in newborns, but advises them against twins. “You can’t fit two cars in a one car garage,” jokes Todd. That’s actually hilarious. Nice, Todd! During the ultrasound, the doctor tells Christy that she has healthy eggs, but one under-productive ovary. The other ovary is working well, though, so they still have a chance to do successful IVF.   

Briana is Skyping with Matt from her house, telling him she made “the biggest mistake ever” letting him go. She asks Matt what the status of their relationship is, which is a strange question considering she’s walking around wearing his engagement ring. He doesn’t feel like they can start fresh again, then in the next breath says they should be “ride or die” to the end. Briana references her lame delusion that they’re “Bonnie and Clyde,” which twist the cap on this steaming jar of cheesiness a little tighter. Ugh. Briana! Why? Just…why.

Brittney is over at Terra’s house learning to garden from new #TerraHomemaker. Tonya joins them to snark some more about Jasmine, but Terra doesn’t feel like Jasmine did anything to warrant Tonya’s insatiable wrath. Terra was more surprised by Christy’s quiet behavior on the safari. Could be because Christy dated Brittney’s dad at one point. What the WHAT!? Apparently, Briana dated Brittney’s dad too, but was described as “psycho” early on. Brittney also mutters something about Elena dating her dad (ok, folks, this is just getting straight up WEIRD now!), and that she used to “come hang out” with him when her husband Preston was away. Huh?

Terra and Tonya side-eye the snot out of each other, then quickly shut the conversation down before they go any further down this dangerous road of accusations. “Of all the bombs Brittney was dropping, this one was nuclear,” says Terra. Yeah, it was. Well, looks like an interesting season ahead – or maybe just more of the same old drama? Let’s hope the new ladies bring something new to the table before this show ends up in the dustbin of scripted mean girl antics and endless frienemy feuding.  

TELL US: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE SEASON 3 PREMIERE OF LWLA? IS TONYA COMING TOO HARD FOR JASMINE? 

Photo Credit: Bravo

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