Happy Birthday Joe Gorga! It’s time to celebrate the momentous day this prodigious Italian Stallion graced the universe with his On Display-ness. Praise the great god of Sprinkle Cookies and Fabellini!
I don’t know what birthday Joe is celebrating, but being that he has the maturity of your average 7-year-old, we’re counting down his 7 most OMG moments on Real Housewives Of New Jersey.
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I’m sure Joe spent his special day giving Melissa a poisoned serpentine (or earthworm – whatever!), which unfortunately all of us have also gotten up-closeish and personal with as well. Yes, there will be plenty of Tarzan below, so get your eye bleach ready!
Joe Vs. Joe - And The Case Of The Disappearing Hair
My favorite Poison moment ever came when the cast all ventured to Lake George for the most ineffective therapy I've ever seen on reality TV. There Juicy and Poison came to blows... and Poison's hair in a can came off on everyone's clothing exposing the truth beneath the shiny exterior. His Tarzan may still be having a helluva a time, but Joe's hair has gone to heaven!
Oh wait... what were the Joe's fighting about, again?
Photo Credit: Bravo
Tarzan - King Of The Bungle
Joe's poison stems from a vine known as Tarzan. Yes, Tarzan, the most valuable member of the Gorga family and the one who is the most On Display. During the RV trip to Napa in season 4, Joe flashed Tarzan - even to Teresa - repeatedly. "That's what you've been bragging about all this time? It's like a regular penis but smaller," quipped Chris Laurita.
Melissa on the other hand was all too excited to share. I'm sure she was... “He’s very proud of Tarzan," she gushed, "which is completely understandable."
Call Poison Control
What's in a name? Poison - which is what Joe and his nutsacks are filled with (lucky Melis!). Joe seemingly has a never-ending supply, so let's hope Melissa has an equally never-ending supply of anti-venom.
"You know how much stress I've got? I've got all this poison in my body. You know what stress will do to a man? Kill him!"
Papa Don't Preach
The moment we were first exposed to the man we now call Poison, he started a brawl with his brother-in-law at his own son's Christening. Later he sobbed because his father wasn't OK with his behavior. Yes, nothing says bless this child in Jesus' name like Daddy being drop-kicked by your uncle over a reality show!
Private - Keep Out! (SIKE!)
During the cast trip to Punta Cana, Joe and Melissa actually played 'Find The Tarzan' in the public bathroom on the beach.
Thankfully the cameras weren't present for that moment - but they did catch Joe in the shower flashing the family jewels back at the hotel. Again, we beg you, put that away!
TELL US – WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE POISON MOMENT?
[Main Photo Credit: Instagram]