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Oh Southern Charm Savannah….y’all need a lesson in dinner parties and The Glass Menagerie from folks who know. Last night’s episode was a master disaster disguised as a dinner party from hell. Y’all need to step up your game! But let’s get started with the recap, shall we?

In light of the recent fire (no pun intended), Ashley Borders and her friend Zia welcome a Gullah priestess to her home to bless the home and read the energy of the third floor. She prays in the room and releases the spirits to the other side. Before the Gullah priestess leaves, she reads Ashley’s palm and hints that big things are in her future. This news gives Ashley a glimmer of hope, and asks about the future of her marriage with Dennis, her high school sweetheart. Without missing a beat, the woman tells Ashley she hasn’t met her soulmate yet. I’m so glad that “soulmate” wasn’t a drinking game word last night, or the Southern Charm franchise would have killed me.

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Hannah Pearson wants to start a dress label, and Louis takes credit for inspiring her with his sock label. The couple peruse a local fabric store, and Hannah announces that Daniel Eichholz is planning a fun beach party to bridge the gap between Ashley and the group. Louis hopes this will resolve the Ashley gossip…like she faked the fire and, my personal favorite, she’s a baggage handler for Delta. That evening, Ashley and Dennis attempt dinner for their son Izzie. He totally steals the show with his smart ass antics. He hates bats and spicy food. There’s your future Tinder profile, kid! He peaces out, leaving Ashley to broach the subject about their relationship status with Dennis by revealing the Gullah healer’s revelation. He tells her he enjoys living with her and she shouldn’t look to upset the apple cart. They have a good, comfortable thing going, right? Ashley wants passion and romance, and Dennis wants to avoid all future deep conversations with his wife. Ashley reveals they only married so they could live together as a family in Dubai, not because they were in love.

The group heads toe Tybee Island for some beach shenanigans, and Catherine Cooper doesn’t seem to be fazed by Lyle Mackenzie‘s absence. Happy wants the details on Nelson Lewis‘ relationship with Kat, and Daniel‘s friend is shocked to learn that Nelson isn’t gay. He’s not gay, people! A drunk Ashley picks up two random Bravo plants on the beach, and after bidding them farewell, Daniel questions Catherine about her intentions with Lyle. She shares that Lyle is incredibly moody, but Daniel isn’t buying it. In fact, all of Lyle’s bros have their chins on the floor when Catherine gives her number to the two muscly beach goers.

Meeting with a local dressmaker, Hannah is excited to execute her vision. However, she is quickly shot down by the dressmaker’s critiques of her…are those sketches? When it becomes clear that the dressmaker isn’t going to cater to her wrap skirt whimsy, Hannah backs out quickly from the store…but not before she’s knocked on the head with the dressmaker’s magic wand. That afternoon, Happy McCullough joins her mother on the family dock for crabs and champagne, but she’s met with a cold shoulder when she tries to discuss her upcoming wedding to Azam. Her mother adores Azam, but she makes no secret of her disappointment that her daughter isn’t marrying a good Christian boy. Happy blames her mother for not being receptive to the planning before her mother storms off. She’s not Happy’s dart board, and she totally asked about the save-the-dates. She’s involved!

Hurricane Matthew is approaching, but Catherine and party planning pal Brandon are prepping for a fancy dinner party. Catherine is looking forward to using the meal as a reason to put Ashley in her place for complaining about being a mean girl victim all over town. As if she heard her frienemy’s words, Ashley is getting Botox in anticipation of the storm party, and she’s complaining to the spa technician about feeling ostracized from the group. What a small world, guess who’s brother is best friends with Lyle? The Botox girl, of course (!), and she asserts that her brother has always wondered if Catherine is faithful to his friend. Ashley loves learning this gossip almost as much as she likes playing the victim and stripping on the golf course. Oh, and FYI, y’all should evacuate.

Catherine is hosting her friends at her parents’ house. Forget Matthew, there is a storm a’ brewin’ at this dinner party. Ashley arrives, and Louis can’t quite get over Ashley’s fur coat. It’s not that cold. Daniel admonishes his friend for not giving Ashley a fair chance, but it’s Lyle who dives in by asking Ashley what she does for a living. Not getting the answer he desires from Ashley, Lyle moves on to Nelson‘s livelihood when they sit down for dinner. Daniel jokes that Nelson believes in alternative facts, but Happy accuses him of changing the subject when anyone questions him about that one time he impersonated a Congressman and screamed at a cop. Ashley isn’t on board with this pack mentality attacking her friend’s character. He seems to be handling it quite fine on his own, so I think it’s more that Ashley isn’t on board with not being the center of attention.

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Ashley quickly stands and loudly reminds the guests that she has dirt on everyone if this is how they’d like to play. Ashley makes a giant speech about why she left Savannah and this high school BS as Happy rolls her eyes. Lyle smirks…he is dying to ask her if she’s a baggage handler. She turns her anger to Hannah, threatening her that she knows her secrets and complaining that she’s not over strip golf. Hannah is stunned by Ashley’s hypocrisy. She claims that she wants people to bring issues to her and not talk smack behind her back, yet Hannah is the only one who did just that. Daniel stands up for Hannah, calling Ashley overly aggressive, and Catherine speaks up to say she’s been gossiping about Ashley, but only because there are so many rumors swirling. DOES SHE WORK FOR DELTA? Why yes, yes she does. Five hours a day, two days a week. Hardly a job! Plus, she doesn’t live off daddy’s money like this crowd. Plus, she isn’t embarrassed by this not even a part-time job.

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Ashley would tell anyone about Delta if only they’d ask. Lyle interrupts to remind her he did ask…about twenty minutes ago. He admits he even asked just to bait her. No one is concerned about how she makes her money, but she isn’t being honest. Lyle sells salon products, for goodness sake! He doesn’t care! Ashley then announces that the word on the street is Catherine is cheating on Lyle. Catherine quickly tries to diffuse the situation before Ashley can say anything more. Can’t they all just get along? She’s for letting bygones be bygones if Ashley will just stop talking! As Lyle laughs about this revelation, Brandon lays the cards on the table. He’s heard that Ashley has an open marriage. As she stutters through a “um, no, well, no, not really, no” he wonders aloud if the fire was real. Ashley is appalled people would think she’d lie about her son’s well-being. Daniel decides now is the time to air his grievances about Nelson‘s Yiddish slurs. Lyle sputters a “that’s so racist, bro” while Nelson stares like a deer in headlights. Catherine seems slightly relieved to have the attention off of her for a second, and I’m pretty sure she’s praying for Matthew to hurry its ass up!

TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? WHO HAS MORE HELLISH DINNER PARTIES – CHARLESTON OR SAVANNAH? 

Photo Credit: Bravo TV/Southern Charm Savannah

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