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Below Deck Mediterranean Recap

Does anyone else hate it when we don’t get a fresh episode for the week? I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast let alone what happened two weeks ago on Below Deck Mediterranean.

Good thing Bravo is there to catch us up with a quick clip of what’s happened in general: Chef Adam Glick spites guests with onions and also hooked up with Deckhand Malia White before the charter started. Chief Stew Hannah Ferrier did some hooking up of her own with a primary charter guest, which led to Christine “Bugsy” Drake to read her private messages with said guest and tell everyone about it. Bobby Giancola and Max Hagley were happy to help spread the gossip. Lauren Cohen was the only one who stayed on Hannah’s side.

Wesley Wiz Walton largely stayed out of it but only because he was too busy trying to get into Malia’s pants. Hannah was forced to tell Captain Sandy Yawn about her liaison and Sandy was pissed and took her off night duty because she can’t be trusted to keep her tongue in her mouth, I guess. Oh and Hannah and Adam continue to openly hate each other, which is where we pick up this episode. Adam is still refusing to show any kind of decorum in his attitude or attire and he certainly isn’t going to start because Hannah asks him to.

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OK, let’s set aside what Hannah did with a guest and how that has any impact on Adam and his level of professionalism. Can anyone really say at this point that Adam isn’t the King of Douchiness? Seriously, he is the worst. Hannah decides she’s not messing around and it’s time to bring Captain Sandy into the fold in an effort to get Adam to actually do his job. Sandy agrees, goes and tells him to wear something nicer when meeting the guests, and then she comes back to chastise Hannah, saying she is trying to deflect from her misstep of kissing and communicating with a guest. I’m a little disappointed in Sandy with this one. So now Hannah, as Chief Stew, isn’t allowed to question what anyone else does because she kissed a guest? Seems a little unfair.

Two people still talking about it are Bugsy and Malia, who seems to think that Hannah put all their tips at risk by canoodling with a guest. Ummm yeah, she risked you guys getting a better tip. Malia can say all she wants that Hannah is a hypocrite but she also has her tongue down her boss’s mouth so what does that make her? Ugh, I wish we could just move on from this because it’s getting exhausting listening to a bunch of alcoholic, horny, 20 somethings lecture each other about professionalism. Ammirite, Viewers?

Anyway, the charter docks so the guests can go have drinks and while Adam does his job in the kitchen cooking dinner, Wiz has been instructed to go grab Malia and accompany the guests on land. They eat ice cream and flirt some more, while Malia decides she’s not going to tell Wiz that she was dating Adam before the charter started. She reasons it doesn’t matter so what’s the point? It might not matter to her but I’m pretty sure it would matter to both Wiz and Adam. I’m also surprised she doesn’t think that little tidbit of information might pop up at some point like say, when Adam is in a jealous rage? She would have been much better off telling Wiz her version of events now, rather than him finding out later. But hey, this is Malia’s dating world and we are all just living in it.

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Before dinner, Hannah tells Sandy that she thinks Adam’s food hasn’t been up to yachting standards. She does have a point – yes, everyone loves cookies but cookies for dessert on a yacht? Only if Cookie Monster is your primary charter guest. Max hears everything from his bunk and goes on to tell everyone what he heard Hannah saying, including Adam.

Dinner is a tequila pairing, which Adam has never done but assures us that he is familiar with Mexican food. The guests love it and are happy to eat and get sh*t faced off tequila for the night. While the guests do Wiz’s party trick, called the slug (which is just as boring as it sounds), Hannah goes for a smoke with Lauren and tells her it’s time to pick a side and go to battle. A tad dramatic for my taste but OK, Hannah isn’t about to back down.

At 3 AM, there is an anchor shift change and Malia goes to take over Wiz’s duties and watch the anchor. She also manages to find a way to make out with him again.

It’s the final day of charter and as Hannah squeezes juice, Adam confronts her passive aggressively about what she said about his food. They get into it again and she points out how lame his constant rotation of soup and salad is. This is luxury yachting, not the Olive Garden, buddy. Adam likes to think he prides himself on variety and I like to think he should do us all a favor and go jump off the boat.

The Sirocco docks, the guests leave happy and also give a $15K tip. Not too shabby. As Bugsy and Lauren clean up, Lauren starts to realize she is isolating herself by sticking up for Hannah, so she hedges her bets and tells Bugsy she doesn’t want to get stuck in the middle.

Below Deck Mediterranean Recap

Now that they have a break, the crew goes out for drinks and Hannah is in the mood to troll. She receives a message on her phone and asks everyone loudly if they would like to see the message, since they are so accustomed to reading them and all. Bobby tries to back track, claiming it was all just one big, fun joke but Hannah is having none of this. Max piles on and gives her a hard time and Hannah actually goes into details of her kiss with the guest in an effort to defend herself. I’m not really sure why she is bothering – she already admitted she kissed him and has been messaging him, what else do they want? I suppose she could be a little more open about the fact that what she did was wrong but again, we are just listening to a bunch of pots calling the other kettles black here.

Hannah decides to leave for the boat and storms off angrily. Lauren stays because she is desperate for friends.

The next day, we find out that the upcoming charter guests are high caliber and therefore, high maintenance. They even want the Sirocco to come to their hotel and pick them up. Captain Sandy recognizes one of the guests as a well-known yacht broker, so she knows she has to pull out all the stops to impress her.

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Captain Sandy starts tightening the ship by pulling Wiz aside and asking him to rank his crew and then pick a second in command. I think we can all see where this is going. He pretends to weigh the options and make an argument for Malia that although Bobby is more experienced, Malia is “grasping” the concepts better. OK, I get it, Bobby can’t even count his own fingers but Malia has literally no experience. How could he possibly put her second in command over people who do?

Next on the hit list is Adam, who Captain Sandy sits down to say she wants to see his best. He blames Hannah for this request, as usual.

Hannah wants to tighten things up on her end too and sits down with Bugsy to try and clear out some of the tension. She starts by promising that she didn’t communicate with the guest while he was still on board and when Bugsy says the messages were time stamped, Hannah gives the excuse that maybe the time stamp changed. OK, that’s a stretch for an excuse but I really don’t think Hannah needs to continue to explain herself – everyone has already decided what she did is wrong. She should just own it and move on. They hug it out, even though I’m pretty sure this cease fire will last about as long as it takes for Malia to kiss someone (anyone) again.

Below Deck Mediterranean Recap

The crew welcomes the new charter guests and Captain Sandy is a little too excited to see Shannon, the yacht broker. Lunch is served. Shannon immediately jumps at her chance to critique the dessert, asking if the watermelon is handmade or out of a box. Hannah assures her that the watermelon is from actual watermelons. LOL

As the end the episode, time has run out for Wiz and his little decision about who is going to be his second in command. Captain Sandy wants him to choose and despite his protests, she’s not letting him off the hook. Any guesses on who it’s going to be??

TELL US – WHO SHOULD WIZ PICK AS SECOND IN COMMAND?

Photo Credit: Bravo

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