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Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Reunion, Part One

The theme for this year’s Real Housewives Of New York Reunion is neutral palettes and open hatred – a perfect fit for an occasion featuring this powerhouse cast of women. And last night, the ladies of NYC all lined up one by one to call each other on the carpet. But let’s be real, the TRUE theme of season 10 is pretty much “who-said-what-in-a-blog-about-whom,” and it’s not going to be long before Carole Radziwill will finally have to back her written words up with verbal sparring. Bethenny Frankel, everyone’s prime target, is ready. And last night’s Reunion, Part One, was just a warm-up.

Despite the bad behavior to come, let’s pay homage to how fantastic (with some slight misses) this cast’s entire reunion look is. In particular, I’m obsessed with Sonja By Sonja Morgan $149 frock, which kind of boggles my mind. After Andy Cohen addresses the absence of Luann de Lesseps, he tosses out some softball questions. Bethenny is still happy in her apartment, Ramona Singer just put her NYC pad on the market, Carole gives us an update on Adam – which still makes zero sense – and Tinsley Mortimer’s big news is…a haircut. Yes, this is the equivalent of a storyline for Tinsley.

A montage of this season’s fashion faux pas rolls, followed everyone (but Carole) defending Luann’s overly-bronzed Diana Ross look at Dorinda Medley‘s party. Since Lu isn’t here to defend herself, the ladies go easy on her. But they’re not beneath fighting over who had the best and worst costumes otherwise. Since this is going nowhere, let’s talk about Carole’s smoking! Carole claims she was just “stressed” this year, so her smoking props came out a bit more. Because that’s super helpful when training for a marathon.

Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Reunion, Part One

Alright, enough with the pleasantries! Let’s get into Bethenny and Jill Zarin reconnecting at Bobby’s funeral. Bethenny says she decided immediately to attend once she heard the news, and knew she would regret it if she didn’t. She saw Jill inside, and outside cameras filmed them talking again, which Bethenny says was a nice moment. Ramona jumps in to declare how “opportunistic” it was of Bethenny to film at Bobby’s funeral, but Andy immediately defends that JILL invited the Bravo cameras there – not Bethenny. When Dorinda says she thinks it was bad manners to film, Ramona piles on again that Bethenny “jumped in front of the cameras” to grab her moment.

“Good!” rebuts Andy. “I’m glad she did because I wanted to see it.” Ramona can’t get on board with the sentiment though, standing by her statement that Bethenny took advantage of the situation for personal gain. Dorinda snarks that Bethenny hasn’t even had lunch with Jill since then, even though she has, “probably because there weren’t cameras there.” OUCH. Thus it begins: Andy and Bethenny versus everyone else (okay, minus Sonja, who doesn’t even know what team she’s on from day to day, nor whether her diaper needs changing).

Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Reunion, Part One

Moving on to Bethenny’s efforts in Puerto Rico, she says it was a natural outgrowth of her work in Houston and Mexico. Bethenny then explicitly thanks the entire cast for supporting her, but they use this opportunity to jump down her throat after she says, “it doesn’t matter if you hate me, thank you for donating.” Carole defends that no one hates her, then Ramona bizarrely becomes the mouthpiece for the group as she reads Bethenny their list of complaints.

According to Ramona, everyone is sick of Bethenny not engaging with them off camera, never mentioning them in interviews or thanking them publicly (um, like now?), and being a general “mean girl.” Also, Dorinda is still bitter about that nutcracker, yo! “She could have been more gracious,” says the woman who drunkenly screamed “JOVANI!!” at the Countess during her public performance.

Um, is this RHONY version of Festivus? Because the airing of grievances, specifically against Bethenny, when the entire cast has behaved badly in their own ways at some point or another is ABSURD. Luann’s absence is definitely felt in this scenario.

Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Reunion, Part One

Andy obviously feels this imbalance when Dorinda starts complaining about Nutcrackergate, but doesn’t allow Bethenny to respond. In fact, Carole (who has no dog in this particular fight) starts shouting Dorinda’s points out for her. (Uh, wtf?!) Finally, Andy is all, STFU! I want to hear her f**king answer!!!! 

Bethenny says that Dorinda hooked her up via text with the man who found and delivered the nutcracker, which she then thanked Dorinda repeatedly for doing. “I’m sure you did – off camera,” snarks Dorinda, who is apparently all about getting credit in public, not private. Bethenny just wonders why the nutcracker became all about Dorinda, not about her daughter? Dorinda has no answers.

Bethenny then defends her choice to not support Ramona’s skincare line, which she saw as just another fake business in a long list of fake businesses. And since Ramona loves to criticize Sonja for her crack pipe dreams, Bethenny decided that turnabout was fair play. She also says it’s a bad example to female viewers who think that these Housewives can just snap their fingers and start legit businesses at the drop of a Birkin.

Incensed, Ramona screams about the LIES! The LIES! Sonja tries to make a point, but it’s no use (because, c’mon, she can’t even begin to suggest she’s a “maven” of anything at this point, including keeping herself clothed in public). And Carole and Dorinda seethe about Bethenny’s self-righteousness. Like Ramona, they simply think she doesn’t support women.

Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Reunion, Part One

“REALLY, Bethenny?!?” shouts Ramona as she stands up, flailing her arms. “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SUPPORT ME?” Bethenny just shrugs and says Ramona’s been terrible to her, so whatevs. This only causes the Ramonacoaster to go ALL the way off the rails, finally inspiring the most confusing insult of the night. “Don’t say I’m fake!” she yells. “Look at you and your fake tits!”

Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Reunion, Part One

Even Sonja is like uhhhhhh, que? Ramona doesn’t care if she’s making a whit of sense though; she just wants credit for being a legit businesswoman (which she definitely is). But Bethenny isn’t going to give her this credit, so she needs to stop demanding it. She wasn’t willing to address it at Luann’s cabaret show, and she’s not willing to go ten rounds about it now – especially when Carole jumps in, uninvited. “Can you let me just talk to her, woman to woman?” Bethenny barks at Carole. “We’ll call you when we need you.” LOL! At this, Carole outright calls Bethenny a “b*tch.’

So…this is going splendidly! Right? Everyone comfy? Okay, then! Let’s move right along to Dorinda’s murderous rage at Luann’s cabaret show. <CRINGE>

Since Lu isn’t here to argue with, Dorinda basically has to argue with herself. She still doesn’t think she has a drinking problem, even after watching her behavior with constant subtitles all season. And she stands by the fact that Luann was projecting her own problems on her. Bethenny also stands by calling Dorinda “a drunk” on the plane to Puerto Rico, but doesn’t know whether Dorinda has a real problem or not. Only she can figure that out for herself.

Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Reunion, Part One

Dorinda was hurt by Bethenny’s words then, but now that hurt has turned into hatred. She reminds Bethenny that she has “no friends,” and claims she wishes she would have never accompanied Bethenny to Puerto Rico. “It’s not constructive to call someone a drunk on television, Bethenny,” says Carole, to which Bethenny volleys back, “It’s not constructive to call someone a narcissist multiple times on tv either, but that didn’t stop you from calling me one.”

Carole just shrugs it off, claiming she calls it as she sees it. Andy still wants Dorinda to address the drinking situation though. He reminds her what a slurry mess she often is (which is sometimes funny, sometimes cringe-worthy), and wonders if Dorinda thinks her “relationship with alcohol is unhealthy?” Dorinda admits that yes, absolutely it is. She confesses how depressed she’s been, in particular last Fall, and how her drinking ramped up because of it. Okay, fair enough.

But next, when Bethenny accuses Dorinda of drinking in the morning, Dorinda draws the line. “WHAT?!?” she shouts, explicitly denying that morning drinking has ever been her thing. Ultimately, it comes down to this: Dorinda has been a hot f**king mess this season (and I think, deep down, she knows it), but her anger at Bethenny is overshadowing any real introspection she can do right now. If someone she cared about were giving her advice, she might take it. And as we all know, that person is NOT Bethenny.

TELL US: ARE YOU AS EXHAUSTED AS I AM AFTER WATCHING THIS REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK REUNION? DOES DORINDA HAVE AN ALCOHOL ISSUE? IS BETHENNY UNSUPPORTIVE OF WOMEN? 

Photo Credit: Charles Sykes/Bravo

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