Tinsley Mortimer

Not even a cheesy cabaret show can mend the broken friendships of this season’s Real Housewives Of New York, but damn if Luann de Lesseps didn’t try! Or, maybe not. Because she didn’t invite Dorinda Medley’s main squeeze to her big show, which created rift #426 between them. Instead of battling with Carole Radziwill again, Bethenny Frankel finds herself at odds with Ramona Singer, who calls Beth out for not supporting women. Or woman, in Ramona’s case.

Before we get to Luann’s show, we pop into rehearsal where the Countess is hashtagging-and-friending her bootie off at the microphone. Ben Rimalower cheers her on, even when Sonja Morgan and her oft-stripping self is discussed. As long as Luann doesn’t have to play snatch guard tonight, she’s fine with Sonja pulling whatever antics she has in mind. And I think we all know what those antics are. (Please see footage of Sonja showing her ass on upwards of 12 episodes, seasons 3-10.)

Now sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful ship – that started out as Housewives fun and ended up as sh*t. The Bethenny! The Countess too! The Dorinda – and her kniiiiiife. The Ramonacoaster, The Carole/Sonja/Tinsley train…here on CLUSTERF**K ISLE!

Last night’s episode was iconic before it even aired. The Real Housewives Of New York nightmare on the high seas will forever live on in Bravo history and virtually needs no introduction. So, let’s just dive right in (ha). It’s the morning after the multi-argument dinner from hell, and everyone convenes for breakfast for a nice relaxing boat ride, and Dorinda Medley is still loaded for bear. Although everyone else is worn out from the drama, Dorinda snaps at Luann de Lesseps when she snaps at everyone about her Countess title being a valid “stage name.”

Guys, this Cartegena trip is not going well. The Real Housewives Of New York continue their journey to the center of Bethenny Frankel’s emotional meltdown this week as she continues to unravel. Dorinda Medley offers support in the best way she knows how: by letting Bethenny cry, then getting drunk and picking a fight with Luann de Lesseps at dinner. While their argument picks up steam on one end of the table, Carole Radziwill faces off with Bethenny on the other. Basically, it’s a boom operator’s nightmare, what with microphones only able to pick up on one Housewife clusterf**k at a time!

Before we get to the big fight, we pick up right where we left off: Bethenny in the kitchen with Dorinda, crying and shoving her head into the freezer. WTF?!? After rejecting Luann’s comfort, Bethenny unloads her worries on Dorinda. She’s in a custody battle with her ex, she’s moving to a new apartment, her life is too scheduled, and she’s at war with her (former) best friend. Basically, Bethenny’s life can be summed up as #ThisIsACrisis.