One thing we’ve learned about Lindsay Hubbard over the past five seasons of Summer House? She loves her birthday. More than anything, really. So Stephen Traversie leaving at the end of last week’s episode was pretty much the worst way her birthday could possibly end. And this weekpicks up immediately in the wake of Stravy’s unceremonious exit. Except…Lindsay doesn’t know he’s gone yet. So somehow, it falls on Kyle Cooke to tell her that he just helped her boyfriend pack up an Uber. That is, once she’s done complaining to Danielle Olivera about her terrible, no good, very bad birthday.
A crying Kyle feels terrible as he breaks the news, but Lindsay has quite the opposite reaction. In fact, her exact words are, “OK, well that’s his prerogative. Am I supposed to cry about it?” Stone cold unaffected. She forces most of the roommates into celebrating the closing moments of her birthday with a shot of Fireball and that’s that. That night, Hannah Berner sleeps with her so she isn’t alone, and the next morning we’re hilariously treated to a montage of Lindsay fielding phone calls from Stravy for the several days. They vacillate between groveling apologies, flower deliveries and mini-arguments. Did nothing else important happen in the house over the rest of the week?
As the weekend arrives, we get an update on the love lives of Danielle and Hannah. Turns out the former is in a flirtation with a hunky chef named Robert, whom she met two weeks before entering the house. So they’re stuck talking on the phone while she’s filming in quarantine. But spoiler alert: they’re officially dating as of this writing. And really, really adorable together if her Instagram is any indication. Hannah’s now-fiancé Des Bishop also gets introduced over the phone. She claims via confessional that they met in July. But she didn’t do anything because she wanted to see what would happen with Luke Gulbranson first. Now that that flame has spectacularly fizzled, she’s ready to rebound with Des. Don’t worry, according to the midseason trailer, he shows up later this season.
We also get more insight into Ciara Miller, thanks to a vulnerable poolside chat with Paige DeSorbo and Amanda Batula. I have to say, I wasn’t sure what to think of the new girl in the premiere, but with each episode I’m loving her more and more. She remains unmoved by Luke‘s charms and is keeping him firmly in the friend zone with zero mixed signals. In fact, it’s officially awkward and tense between the two of them. Ciara also opens up about her rocky relationship with her dad, which crumbled when he married his new wife. Her story is so sad, but I’m also distracted because she’s literally the prettiest crier I think I’ve ever seen on reality TV.
That night, the work week is finally over. Which means Kyle and co. are ready to…you guessed it. SEND IT. However, as they hold an impromptu dance party, a classic roommate conundrum occurs. Because Hannah and Paige are down in their room watching reality TV like any good millennial in quarantine. Paige sends a rather innocuous text asking the roommates to turn their music down. Which Kyle does not take well. No, they will not turn the music down, thank you very much. This isn’t an old folks’ home, he says as the elder statesman of the house. I get where Kyle’s coming from, but I’m firmly with Paige and Hannah on this one. It’s common courtesy when living with eight other people, and not everyone wants to rage every weekend. But it simply adds fuel to Kyle’s growing resentment towards the younger roommates…
The next morning, Lindsay‘s still on the hamster wheel about her broken relationship. And it turns out she gave Stravy a homework assignment to think about her needs and whether he can really truly meet them. Are we surprised? Naturally, he responded by making her a Powerpoint about their relationship. And while Danielle is visibly baffled by this, I think Powerpoint might secretly be one of Lindsay’s love languages? Like, an eight-slide presentation with graphs, charts and bullet points is actually exactly what she wanted. But she still doesn’t know if she wants to stay together. And HubbHouse may want to read up on Stephen’s nine keys to a healthy relationship one more time for them to sink in.
To celebrate the fact that it’s, well, Saturday, the girls all decide to transform the backyard into their own private day club. There’s a cabana. Flower crowns suddenly appear. It’s like a Hamptons Coachella without any headliners. Luke even rigs a pulley system from the balcony to deliver beer down below. Kyle makes a sarcastic quip about the music being too loud, and Paige and Hannah pointedly clap back at his passive-aggressive behavior. Amanda tries to pull him aside, but can’t get through to him about why the way he communicates doesn’t help the situation.
The girls finally let the boys into their private club, and for five seconds everyone’s getting along. Lindsay‘s talking about her Powerpoint. Ciara‘s having a deep conversation with Kyle about how she was cheated on in her last serious relationship. (Which apparently led her to quasi-rebound with Luke.) But the nice moment of roomie bonding comes to an abrupt end when another round breaks out in the war between Kyle and Hannah. This time, Hannah picks the fight, with Kyle demanding to know what her issue. She’s still angry at being uninvited to his wedding two episodes ago. But Kyle calls Hannah a bad friend who’s done nothing but try to sabotage his relationship with Amanda.
Paige‘s attempts to mediate between the two go absolutely nowhere. But she makes a good point that Hannah and Kyle clash because they both want the same things. One, to be the center of attention. Two, for everyone to side with them over the other. And three, being right isn’t good enough. They both want the other to be very, very wrong. Storming away, Hannah throws out that Kyle thinks he’s the boss of the house, but he’s the only one she has problems with. Where’s Carl Radke when you need him. Like Paige, I, too, feel safer when Carlito’s in the Summer House.
Speaking of Carl, he arrives back at the house from Pittsburgh just in time for the close of the episode. He’s greeted with an outpouring of love from his roommates as he stands on the balcony. (Since he left the house to visit his family for his brother’s funeral, he has to self-isolate in his room for I don’t even know how long.) But the roommates are genuinely thrilled to see him back and with a smile on his face. When Carl’s gone, the vibe of the entire house is just different. There’s a key player missing that leaves a void. Because while Kyle and his mustache are the house dad, is it possible Carl’s the true heart of Summer House?
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF STRAVY’S POWERPOINT TO LINDSAY? ARE YOU EXHAUSTED BY KYLE AND HANNAH’S CONSTANT FIGHTING? ARE YOU HAPPY CARL’S BACK IN THE HOUSE?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]