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Summer House Recap: Invasion Of The Boyfriend(s)

There’s been a shift in the Summer House. After nine episodes largely centered on the drama between Hannah Berner, Luke Gulbranson and Ciara Miller, everything came to an explosive head in last week’s fight between the guys and the immediate fallout. After crying it out over family dinner, the Good Vibe Tribe has closed the book on that drama. And it definitely feels like we’ve entered the back half of the season with a fresh start and a clean slate. No Instagram psychics allowed.

It’s also the perfect time to add some new personalities to the mix. After weeks in quarantine, we’re livening things up and breaking the “no outsiders” rule with the arrival of the boyfriends. Because if Stephen Traversie can come and go (and still not get a confessional), why not have a more open door policy? So let’s just bring in literally every single male love interest we can find from outside the house, shall we? Well, not every one…poor Paige DeSorbo. But we’ll get to that in a second.

Since the house has been transformed into a veritable Southampton couple’s retreat, I’ve decided to do something a little out of the ordinary with this week’s recap. In the name of love, or something like it, let’s run through each coupling in the house, shall we? Humor me; it’ll be fun. Well, for the couples who are madly in love. Less so for the ones who are circling the drain.

Lindsay and Stravy

Summer House Recap: Invasion Of The Boyfriend(s)

This week’s episode picks up right where last week left off: in the middle of Stravy‘s surprise return to the house. His romantic grand gesture took inspiration directly from Say Anything. And while she’s unable to actually, you know, say anything, it’s clear Lindsay Hubbard is blown away. The rest of the roommates are impressed to varying levels. But honestly, the thing that blew me away the most was that apparently Stravy took an Uber. From New York City. To the Hamptons. Ok, maybe he was staying somewhere nearby in the Hamptons after leaving the house a few episodes back. But if he really did take an Uber all the way from the city, that’s…actually insane. I need clarification at the reunion, please.

While Lindsay‘s thrilled to be getting the attention she craves, she immediately shoots down Stravy‘s request to be his girlfriend again. Instead, she wants to hit the proverbial reset button on the whole relationship. Which means going on a date. But hey, at least he gets to stay in the house, right? The next day, Lindsay hits him with the news of last week’s pregnancy scare. And guess what? The guy doesn’t even blink. Totally unfazed. Instead, he points out having a baby would be a joint decision between the two of them.

Later, while out boating, some of the other roommates wonder what Stravy‘s grand gesture will mean in the long run. Does this mean he’s back in the house for good? Are he and Lindsay back together? I mean, it sure looks like it as they cozy up on the open water. But like Paige tells Ciara, some flowers and battery-operated candles won’t fix the problems in the relationship. And judging by the fact that Lindsay’s revealed she and Stravy aren’t together anymore, this reset clearly has an expiration date…

Hannah and Des (and Luke)

Summer House Recap: Invasion Of The Boyfriend(s)

Meanwhile, the main event of the week is Des Bishop‘s arrival at the house. I say “main event” because Hannah makes sure to turn the whole thing into a spectacle. She’s more than happy to trot the comedian all over the house, showing him off to all the roommates. Mostly to Luke of course, who conveniently happens to be shirtless and in full lumberjack mode as he shakes hands with Hannah’s new boo. Though both men are all smiles, the tension practically jumps off the screen. This is awkward.

But want to know what’s more awkward? Hannah and Des‘ single minute of bathroom sex the moment he arrives. Followed by more sex throughout the entire house while the rest of the roommates are out boating. It’s a gross, jaded and vindictive way for Hannah to mark her territory with her new guy, particularly when they do it in Kyle Cooke and Amanda Batula‘s bathroom. Or, like, when Des evilly suggests he should “jerk off on Kyle’s bed” for fun. Yeah…that’s a behavioral red flag. Except Hannah, of course, thinks it’s hilarious.

Later, the twosome hit the hot tub, where Des asks Hannah to officially be his girlfriend. Obviously, this is exactly what Hannah wanted. It’s all going according to plan. Well, until family dinner that night. That’s when Luke asks how the two met, and Des reveals they had sex on their second date. In July. Before everyone got to the Hamptons and started filming the season. Suddenly, the entire relationship timeline isn’t making any kind of sense. Didn’t Hannah accuse Luke of leading her on and shoving Ciara in her face like just a few days after they got back into the house? That’s the narrative she was pushing, anyway.

Danielle and Robert

Summer House Recap: Invasion Of The Boyfriend(s)

While Hannah‘s making sure the spotlight’s squarely on her new relationship with Des, Danielle Olivera also has her chef boyfriend coming to the house this weekend. But first, she has a sweet FaceTime with her mom, Aida. And all I can say is MORE AIDA, PLEASE! Doling out advice, affirmations and genuine support over the phone, Danielle’s mom is the motivational speaker we all need and the true star of this week’s episode.

Robert Sieber, the chef boyfriend in question, arrives while everyone else is out boating. And it’s adorable to see how excited Danielle is for him to show up. But it immediately becomes clear that she and Robert are pretty much the polar opposite of Hannah and Des. While those two hook up all over the house on the Great Hamptons Sex Tour of 2020, Danielle and Robert are content to sit by the pool chatting about drowned caterpillars. It’s a quiet, low key vibe unlike pretty much anyone else in the house. But Danielle’s serious about this guy and wants to go slow. And considering that according to her Instagram, they’re still happily together, I’d say she made it work. I’m officially rooting for Danielle and her adorable tattooed, long-haired chef.

Paige and Perry

Summer House Recap: Invasion Of The Boyfriend(s)

Who am I not rooting for? Perry Rahbar. It’s not a big secret that Paige‘s relationship with her now-ex-boyfriend has been in a nosedive for most of the summer. But the reality of the situation finally gets to her with all the other boyfriends showing up at the house. This is the second summer that Perry has refused to join her in the house. Which may be more understandable given this year’s quarantine situation, but he didn’t even come to the Hamptons for a single weekend in Season 4. Paige doesn’t feel supported. In fact, she’s made to feel guilty for wanting to be in the house (i.e. film the show, which is her job.)

Opening up to Hannah, Paige breaks down in tears over her stagnant relationship. It hurts her to see Stravy, Des and Robert all coming to the house for her friends while Perry won’t make one bit of effort to share this part of her life after nearly two years together. At this point, the writing’s on the wall for the couple’s doomed romance. Which isn’t even a romance, really. Paige likens it via confessional to having a pen pal. Don’t cry, Paige! From where I’m sitting, it seems that you’re better off without him.

Kyle and Amanda

Summer House Recap: Invasion Of The Boyfriend(s)

The reigning couple of the house doesn’t have much to do this week. Amanda is rather hilariously annoyed at Lindsay getting a grand gesture from Stravy on the day of her two-year anniversary. Talk about stealing someone’s thunder! And something tells me Lindsay would blow a gasket — we’re talking going fully activated — if the shoe was on the other foot. But hey, Kyle was the only one in the house who knew about Stravy’s surprise. And Lindsay’s too busy making out with her not-boyfriend to care.

Once he meets Des, Kyle remarks that Hannah is apparently dating an older version of him. Was her hatred toward him just a secret lust/jealousy thing the whole time? But honestly, am I the only one who doesn’t really see the resemblance? And while Amanda is thrilled to see her friend in a real, reciprocal, evidently healthy relationship, she’ll probably be less enthusiastic about Des once she finds out he had sex in her bathroom…

Carl and…Ciara?

Summer House Recap: Invasion Of The Boyfriend(s)

Ok so they’re totally not a couple. But I can’t be the only one sensing vibes starting to happen between these two. For most of the episode, Carl Radke is focused on two things: getting his sobriety back on track and avoiding situations that will trigger his anxiety. And thereby cause him to drink as a coping mechanism. Which means showering while everyone’s fawning over Stravy‘s grand gesture. And avoid the potential HubbHouse hurricane of drama at all costs. Lindsay may be Carl’s BFF, but if Stravy coming back to the house is going to cause more drama, he wants no part of it.

Instead, he’s leaning on Ciara for support. And it’s nice to see. The nurse pretty much says she’s hardwired to be a support system after working in critical care through the pandemic. So she’s happy to check in with Carlito and provide the advice and listening ear he needs. It may not go anywhere romantic, but I like these two together. Don’t you?

The episode finishes out with everyone back at the house after the boating excursion. Danielle and Robert are adorably kissing. Lindsay‘s jumping into Stravy‘s arms. And Paige is more drunk than we’ve probably ever seen her on this show. Naturally, Hannah decides this is the perfect time to tell her and Ciara about having sex in Kyle and Amanda‘s bathroom. Hannah and Des both think it’s just about the funniest thing they’ve ever done. The girls, on the other hand, rather correctly surmise that Kyle will absolutely lose his mind if he finds out. But they’re sworn to secrecy, so no one will ever tell. Right?

TELL US – WHICH COUPLE ARE YOU SHIPPING? WILL LINDSAY AND STRAVY OFFICIALLY GET BACK TOGETHER? DID DES AND HANNAH CROSS THE LINE IN KYLE AND AMANDA’S BATHROOM? IS PAIGE ASKING TOO MUCH FOR PERRY TO BE MORE SUPPORTIVE OF THE SHOW?

[Photo Credit: Bravo]