Well, Good Vibe Tribe. We’ve finally arrived at the end of summer. It’s here, and after 12 weeks, Season 5 of Summer House is drawing to a close. And to be honest, I’m feeling a little shortchanged. The cast was quarantined together for six weeks straight, and all we got was a dozen episodes out of it? That’s two less than last season. And the season before it, actually. Could production not squeeze just a little more drama out of 42 days of filming? I’m not actually mad about it, I’m just sad because I’m not ready for the season to be over yet.
The finale kicks off with Hannah Berner continue to rage about the fight she picked with the other girls about Des Bishop. Hannah wasn’t being defensive, she was simply defending herself, mmmk? She claims Amanda Batula came at her about her boyfriend (she didn’t) and that Paige DeSorbo didn’t defend her (her behavior was indefensible). Add in the fact that everyone likes Danielle Olivera‘s boyfriend more than hers and Hannah is seething. But the only person giving her tantrum the time of day is Ciara Miller. So how about we just let her spiral in her room and stop giving her the attention she so badly craves. Deal?
The rest of the house is certainly paying her no mind, either. They’re all out in the backyard enjoying the last moments of summer around one of Luke Gulbranson‘s signature campfires. And Lindsay Hubbard is more interested in solidifying her reset relationship with Stephen Traversie. She even lets slip to Danielle that if Stravy proposed tomorrow, she’d say yes. So, uh, that was fast. (Though it might have something to do with Hubb House wanting to create a finale moment and tie a bow around her storyline for the season…) In reality, Hannah‘s the one on the fast track to an engagement. Out on the front steps, she and Des say their first “I love yous” over FaceTime. You know, the same way they’ve done basically everything in their brief, in-your-face relationship.
What was that about Lindsay and Stravy‘s relationship being solid? I spoke too soon. A few hours later, all it takes is a simple game of dirty Jenga to rock their foundation. First, Lindsay pulls a block out of the tower and has to show her areola to the group. Stravy is visibly displeased at this. But the real fight breaks out when he suggests a very drunk Lindsay maybe try drinking some water. Hurricane Hubbard is visibly — and vocally — annoyed at this. Then starts rage-texting him when he won’t come to bed when she wants. This leads her to storm back upstairs, slam on the table and tell him he’s welcome to leave if he doesn’t want to spend time with his girlfriend in a screaming expletive-filled rant. Because that’s really mature.
After being yelled at to “shut the f–k up,” Stravy‘s ready to make his exit. And can you blame him? Of course, this activates Lindsay even more, and their newly solid attempt at a relationship is once again on the brink of self-destruction. The only thing that saves it is Danielle stepping in, and literally hijacking Stravy’s packed bags and hiding them in her room so he can’t leave. The drama of it all! In her confessional, Danielle points out that this fight was simply Lindsay testing Stravy, and he failed miserably. But Danielle herself most certainly passed the BFF test that came after.
The next morning, it’s Labor Day. And while Lindsay and Stravy are giving each other the silent treatment, Amanda decides to address the deeply-rooted issues in her friendship with Hannah over breakfast. But the conversation goes south when Hannah once again tries to blame everything on Kyle Cooke. Her burning animosity toward Amanda’s fiancé has created an undeniable wedge between the two erstwhile best friends. And unfortunately, it seems there’s no going back from it. Because if Amanda has to choose between Hannah and Kyle, she’ll obviously pick Kyle every time. Ultimately, she points out the one thing that can be hardest to say to a close friend — that sometimes friendships change and you have to be OK with that.
At the same time, Danielle pulls Lindsay out to the backyard for a much-needed dose of tough love. Lindsay claims she just cannot possibly understand what Stravy has to be so upset about. And Danielle lays down the gauntlet by finally telling Lindsay that she’s the problem in the relationship. It’s about time someone said it, and only Danielle delivering the message could possibly get it through Lindsay’s head. See, you can’t cry “abandonment issues” every time you berate, attack or verbally abuse your boyfriend and then be surprised when he wants to bolt. However valid Lindsay’s childhood traumas are — and they are — the way she’s treated Stravy this summer is just not OK.
Meanwhile, down in the basement, Paige is having yet another awkward FaceTime with Perry Rahbar. The conversation is painfully stilted. Perry is passive-aggressive; Paige isn’t saying what’s really on her mind. Which is this: the time in the house has made Paige really take a step back and consider what she actually wants. And it’s her independence. Her freedom. It’s not be Perry’s girlfriend anymore. He’s all set to pick her up from the Hamptons in just a day, and Paige thinks he’ll be blindsided. We don’t see the break-up happen on camera, but I think it’s great that Paige is finally putting herself first. And I hope she gives us the whole story at the reunion.
Now let’s shift gears and talk about relationships that are actually working! For their last night in the house, Carl Radke‘s organized a rather fabulous practice wedding for Kyle and Amanda. The dress code is all white. The menu is graciously being provided by Danielle‘s boyfriend, Robert Sieber. And all the roommates excitedly pitch in to decorate for the big night, except Hannah, who doesn’t lift so much as a finger to help. But before they can walk down the fake aisle, the golden couple have two important questions to ask.
As they’re putting the finishing touches on their outfits, Amanda asks Paige to be a bridesmaid at her real wedding. And Kyle asks Carl to be his co-best man alongside his brother. Both moments are so sweet and tender, and filled with tears and hugs and love. This is true friendship right here. Obviously, I’ve loved watching the pure bromance develop between Kyle and Carl over the last five seasons. And Paige and Amanda have without a doubt my favorite friendship in the house. Sorry, not sorry, Hannah. But important side note: am I the only one shocked that Paige has never been a bridesmaid before? My favorite fashionista is going to slay that bridesmaid’s dress next season.
Moments before the bride and groom’s arrival, Lindsay finally breaks the ice with Stravy. And she admits she was putting him through the ringer to see how far she could push him and he would still stay. Well would you look at that, it seems Danielle did manage to get through to her. But amid the apologies, it’s clear the couple’s relationship is still fragile. They jointly decide it would be better not to move in together when they get back to the city. And Lindsay threatens that if Stravy leaves again, they’re done. For real this time. And seeing that the couple is no longer together, I think it’s safe to assume what may have happened…
It’s finally time for the fake wedding! And I have to say, for a practice run it feels awfully real. There’s a walk down the aisle. There’s a gorgeous altar, constructed, obviously, by Luke with some help from Robert. Carl‘s even officiating, leading the happy couple through vows that they’ll actually get married when the time comes. Hilariously, he also leads the rest of the roommates through their own set of vows to love and support Kyle and Amanda and their relationship. Hannah stays noticeably silent as everyone else lets out an exuberant “I do.” And then it’s time to party!
First, Amanda throws her bouquet. It’s caught in a rapid-fire move by none other than Ciara, the only girl in the house not in any kind of relationship. Then everyone sits down for one last family dinner, with a truly delicious-looking spread prepared by Robert, who’s quickly winning everyone over as the resident chef-boyfriend of the group. During the meal, Paige gives a teary, heartfelt speech that ends with how excited she is to be one of Amanda’s bridesmaids. This is the first Hannah‘s heard of this development and she is…less than thrilled about it. From her perspective, she, Amanda and Paige were always a trio. But now she’s taken the brunt for telling Amanda what she really thinks of Kyle. And being a bridesmaid is Paige’s “reward” for staying silent and refusing to speak up.
Carl also gives a lovely speech to the golden couple and there are toasts all around. Amid the dancing and drinking, Danielle and Robert make their relationship official. And Carl reminds his roommates there’s only one way to end the summer: by jumping naked — or mostly clothed, in some cases — into the pool. And with that, the Summer House crew sends it on another successful season in the Hamptons. Next week, it’s part one of the reunion! And how about that little Winter House teaser we got after the trailer??
TELL US – ARE YOU SURPRISED DANIELLE TOOK STRAVY’S SIDE OVER LINDSAY’S? DID YOU LOVE KYLE AND AMANDA’S PRACTICE WEDDING? IS HANNAH JEALOUS THAT AMANDA ASKED PAIGE TO BE A BRIDESMAID? WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE REUNION TRAILER?