A strange thing happened at the start of this week’s Summer House. Rather than the Hamptons, we began the week in dear and darling New York City! And the Housemates all have busy lives in the city. Lindsay Hubbard walks down the hall to deliver half a sandwich to her neighbor Carl Radke, who’s blessedly back from his trip to L.A. Andrea Denver and Alex Wach are bro’ing out at the gym. Because, obviously. And the stye in Kyle Cooke‘s eye has only gotten worse. Which is just great because he and Amanda Batula have a midweek meeting with their wedding planner!
The wedding is now officially less than two months away. And it’s safe to say that things are…not going well. It takes the poor wedding planner roughly five seconds to sense the tension between the happy couple. And it’s not just thanks to the giant red growth on Kyle‘s eye. After the letdown that was her gift-free 30th birthday, Amanda is in no mood to send out 250 wedding invitations with her adoring husband-to-be. But still, the wedding planner says the deed has to be done. And soon, considering proper wedding etiquette in order to collect RSVPs. Looks like Kymanda have plenty to look forward to this weekend in the Hamptons!
On the way out to the house, Mya Allen fills Carl in on the serious breakthrough he missed last week. And Carl, in turn, tells his new pal about the girl he’s talking to from California. Or is it Scottsdale, Arizona? Either way, he’s tentatively starting to test out the waters of sober dating. Which, newsflash, will eventually somehow lead him back into Lindsay‘s arms. Though maybe not on camera this season? Speaking of Hubb House, she’ll be nowhere to be seen for the rest of the episode, because she’s at a friend’s wedding in Washington D.C. The rest of the housemates, however, are about to be put to work assembling wedding invitations by Amanda. They just don’t know it yet.
While Amanda‘s cracking the whip over the proper stuffing of envelopes, Kyle pulls Luke Gulbranson aside to vent about his wedding woes. Apparently this 250-person wedding is now costing the Loverboy founder a whopping $200,000! Just imagine all of the hockey sticks and igloos Luke could buy for 200 grand. Meanwhile, Andrea‘s determined to move his budding romance with Paige DeSorbo a step further this weekend. Which is also a step away from Paige giving her final rose to Craig Conover. When Mya asks what his three wishes would be from a genie, he manages to slip the idea of Paige being his wife into the universe…right after world peace, of course.
For dinner that night, the roommates head to a restaurant that I thought was called Soto, but can’t find any evidence of on Google. So who knows what it’s actually called. Over appetizers, Andrea puts an idea out on the table. He wants to have a bondage party at the house. That’s right, whips and chains, harnesses and leather. All set to the thrum of Rihanna’s “S&M,” probably. Naturally, this proposal leads to the Good Vibe Tribe discussing some of their weirdest sexual experiences. Luke‘s involves hot wax, ice and a blindfold. Which he was very into, just for the record. And Alex once dated a girl who was really into vampires. Like…bit his neck and licked his blood levels of “into vampires.”
The rest of the night is all sake bombs, clubbing and good times. Until, that is, the gang heads home. Spurring the perfect opportunity for Amanda and Kyle to start squabbling again. Amanda wants Kyle to come to bed with her when she says. Kyle wants to stay up and eat Triscuits in the kitchen. Guess who wins? I would say Kyle, but the real answer is no one. No one wins here, because even though Kyle gets his late-night crackers, he has a very irritated and resentful Amanda to go to sleep with once he’s back in bed.
Amanda‘s resentment carries over to the following morning, of course, which is a Saturday. This morning we learn even more about Andrea. Turns out he’s a major mama’s boy, though I could’ve guessed that. He also admits to being obsessed with American culture and sports from a young age. To the point that a Denver Nuggets hat gifted to him by a classmate in the third grade eventually led to him adopting the last name “Denver” for his modeling career. Now he’s trying to get a green card. That is, when he’s not busy racing Paige across the pool at their gorgeous summer share house in the Hamptons.
It’s time for Andrea‘s bondage party! And the whole house has to pitch in to turn the house into one giant BDSM sex dungeon. I mean, decorate. (Luke‘s bedroom is definitely the dungeon room though.) During the decorating, Amanda and Kyle get into yet another argument about how much she’s been nagging him all weekend. At this point, are we really surprised? Storming off, Kyle vents his frustrations to Danielle Olivera, calling Amanda several choice names you probably wouldn’t want to call your fiancée two months before walking down the aisle. Danielle asks point blank if Kyle and Amanda are happy. Do they even want to get married still? Because no one is forcing this idea but the two of them. And Kyle’s lack of a definitive answer seems to be all the answer needed, don’t you think?
The entire crew changes into their best approximation of bondage gear, the house starts getting flooded with partygoers. There are ball gags, whips and flogging devices galore. Though I have to say, Luke seems to have missed the memo in his shirtless Indiana Jones costume, even if it did include its own whip. At least he understands the value of a nipple clamp. And I’m not entirely sold on Kyle‘s idea of bondage being a policeman costume. But OK.
Inexplicably, Alex — who’s dressed much more on theme by showing off his gigantic muscles in a leather harness — decides the party is the perfect time to pull Amanda aside and ask about Ciara Miller. She gives him the same advice Paige did the night before at dinner. Ciara likes an assertive man, so maybe try stepping out of your shell a bit more, buddy. Everyone’s rooting for you. But your attempts at making “subtle moves” aren’t going to get you anywhere. Either with Ciara or in the house in general. Case in point: she’s too busy making out with a blindfolded Carl to notice you pining away for her in the corner, bro.
As the party descends into further debauchery, Danielle has her own heart-to-heart with Paige and Ciara. Her earlier conversation with Kyle is clearly weighing on her. And with Lindsay gone, she has no one to pass the gossip on to. So clearly the best plan B is to tell two of Amanda‘s best friends. Danielle’s rightfully concerned for her friends’ relationship, and can barely hold it in as she drops the bomb: Kyle told her that the only thing he and Amanda even have in common anymore is their business. Without Loverboy would they even be together? Judging by the shocked looks on Ciara and Paige’s faces, this revelation isn’t going to make the embattled couple’s relationship any better…
TELL US – ARE YOU AS GLAD AS MYA THAT CARL IS BACK? WHO WAS WORSE THIS WEEK: KYLE OR AMANDA? WHO HAD THE BEST BONDAGE LOOK AT THE PARTY? SHOULD DANIELLE HAVE TOLD PAIGE AND CIARA WHAT KYLE SAID?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]