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Below Deck Mediterranean Season 4

Hannah Ferrier Travis Michalzik Below Deck Mediterranean

Something fishy is going on with Below Deck Mediterranean and with each episode we see the further unraveling of Anastasia Surmava and Travis Michalzik. Anastasia is reminding me of one of those Tudor princesses forced upon a throne she is woefully unprepared to reign; the pawn of warring factions seeking the easiest and most disposable means of domination. Anastasia is a sitting duck … and if she doesn’t watch out she might find herself served (undercooked) for dinner!

I do not understand where these sudden temperature issues have arrived from? Anastasia was doing OK the first couple charters. She assumed the mantle of chef, but now the girl needs to acquaint herself with Mila’s microwave! Or possibly have Captain Sandy Yawn invest in plate domes? Anastasia believes the problem is not with her cooking (No! Never her fault!), but in the 130 feet it takes to migrate food from the sweatshop galley – a literal hovel of doom where chefs go in like lions and out like sobbing mental patients – to the table. Um, how does 130 feet freeze rice?

Below Deck Mediterranean Johnny Damon

Oh Below Deck Mediterranean – sailing through some of the most beautiful scenery in the world with some of the most hideous peopleJohnny Damon‘s wife needs to literally take several seats. Preferably on a yacht she actually owns.

I don’t know what is going on with this boat, but the constantly twisted up anchor seems to be a metaphor for the crew as well. Anastasia Surmava is now officially WAAAAY too big for her britches, but her britches are probably a thong bikini bottoms, so…  Last week Anastasia was panicking over a unicorn cake. Now, she’s marching into the Michelin Star Service Station – without her chef’s coat! – to announce that she’s here to pick up her stars. Everything Anastasia served last night was a disappointment and the guests – bless their grimy, probably sexually unsatisfied hearts – were right to complain to Captain Sandy Yawn.

Chefs of the Below Deck: If we can make it at home using a Pinterest recipe we do not want to eat it on a yacht!! 

Joao Franco - Below Deck Mediterranean

On last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean the cracks started to show with an overworked crew and an under qualified chef!

The episode opened with June Foster literally fleeing the dinner table to puke in a trashcan. I thought Bravo was setting us up for some enormous reveal. June is pregnant! Hannah Ferrier fed her a bad oyster! Jackie Seigel‘s ring had poison in it (and who tried to poison Jackie!?)! June had an allergic reaction to spray tan! The thought of dating Colin Macy-O’Toole made June gag.

But re: June and Colin getting together. Have you ever seen two such American smiles? They both have a full set of gator chompers. Teeth so white and straight and perfectly stylized by precision American orthodonistry that a full set of false teeth would just pop out of June’s uterus. 

June Foster - Below Deck Mediterranean

I can’t figure out who is crazier on Below Deck Mediterranean: new third stew June Foster or billionaire charter guest Jackie Siegel. These two are two urchins in a reef who live in their own worlds – it’s probably better that they stay there instead of permeating ours.

The trek to picnic at Eze continues. Up a mountain, down a mountain, up a mountain, down a mountain, up an inflatable slide, down an inflatable… Oh wait, haha! That’s only for half the crew! The rest of the crew is on a particularly odious Amazing Race challenge featuring deck chairs and how many can be carried at once without a leg being broken (the chair’s or the human’s – doesn’t matter!).

Joao Franco and the rest of the team at Eze finally get everything to the top (with Jackie is whining for food like a petulant child) that there’s no cutlery and no one is answering the radio because Captain Sandy Yawn has them all frolicking in the water under the auspice of crew training. Or producers just wanted another opportunity to showcase Anastasia Surmava in a thong bikini.

Hannah Ferrier & Jackie Siegel on Below Deck Mediterranean

Last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean was a delight, let me tell you! When the Queen of Versailles comes on board everything must be top notch. Let the commoners eat leftover cake. Literally.

Sirocco is a ship of change and fools. The number one fool being Joao Franco who could only keep his dark side hidden for so long. All those tears he cried to Captain Sandy Yawn about being a changed man were swiftly undone by a few errant shots of vodka. Jezabob returns and comes out swinging! YUCK.

First Joao starts with Anastasia Surmava. In Joao’s esteemed opinion beacuse Anastasia is not a 7-star chef she had no business accepting the promotion. OK, exactly what is a 7-star chef and what type of professional of this caliber would be working on a reality TV charter yacht for people like Jackie Siegel? [Crickets] 

June Foster joins Below Deck Mediterranean

Lots of exciting happenings tonight on Below Deck Mediterranean – from the infamous charter guests to a new stewardess joining the crew of the Sirocco!

With Anastasia Surmava promoted to chef Captain Sandy Yawn has scoured the world (or Monster.com) for a new third stew who’s available to start mid-season. Sandy hires June Foster sight unseen – and lets hope the globe-trotter originally from Arizona doesn’t make too many waves because Hannah Ferrier is not happy to have changes to her interior crew!

Joao Franco Below Deck Mediterranean

On last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean the topsy-turvy crew continued to churn out amazing results, but the cracks started showing in the most delightful way when an overworked Joao Franco let his facade slip.

Even Captain Sandy Yawn is starting to crack. And in her exhaustion Sandy starts making ridiculous demands like moving the boat 15 inches to provide better scenery for the background of guest Ashley Brinton‘s music video.

Curled up on the deck of the Sirocco, like the guts of a sea monster, is the anchor chain. Colin Macy-O’Toole was distracted trying to do the work of 2 deckhands, after being woken up in the middle of the night, and somehow the anchor got twisted and knotted up. Just like a third stew became a chef, and the lead deckhand became basically a lunch lady doling out fruit cups and crispy chicken sandwiches to the crew.

Jack Stirrup - Below Deck Mediterranean

The crew continues to be strained on tonight’s Below Deck Mediterranean and that means tempers are flaring as everyone juggles extra duties to make up their shortage of chef!

Luckily Anastasia Surmava, with the help of Travis Michalzik, is killing it in the kitchen! The guests are thrilled, and Captain Sandy Yawn is ready to relax. Now if only the pesky anchors and the deck crews controlling them would cooperate!