*sigh* So many thoughts about last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of New York. SO. MANY. THOUGHTS. And even more questions!
Does Luann de Lesseps deserve the wrath of hungover Housewives? Does air conditioner make Sonja Morgan poof or poop? Does Bethenny Frankel see Luann as her human sounding board – the one person resilient enough to take all the tantrums Bethenny’s mother ignored as she headed out to the clubs or on a date; giving Bethenny free-reign to project all of her childhood emotions.
Also, it occurs to me, that Bethenny probably married her mother and her father in Jason Hoppy, who seems diabolical, but also really disinterested in her melodrama, and Bethenny needs someone to give validity to her hysteria or else she thinks they don’t ‘hear’ her.
The Real Housewives Of New York don’t even have to leave their luxury beach house to have insane, intense, authentic drama. The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills can travel halfway around the world, be in insanely luxe settings, and still can’t make anything interesting occur.
Tonight the Real Housewives Of New York are still terrorizing Miami and if you can believe it they’ve only been there two days real time! After Sonja Morgan got so drunk she needed paramedics, Bethenny Frankel, Ramona Singer, and Luann de Lesseps sit her down to warn her about the perils of alcoholism. Not all alkies wind up being a cabaret star, you know!
This show I tell you. The Real Housewives Of New York ladies know how to do it right. Every episode is like going to an all you can eat buffet.
Only on Real Housewives Of New York can you have a drunken collapse over an argument about cabaret turn into political commentary on the last time Sonja Morgan probably felt relevant. Which flows into competing artists giving out free art and Ramona Singer inviting her ex-husband and new boyfriend to a party, then being forced to admit to making out with her former friend’s ex-husband in front of another friend who also hooked up with this same guy.
You can really take the Real Housewives Of New York anywhere, turn them loose, and let them do their thing. They’re sort of like cats in that yeah, their best operating mode requires an overseer to sprinkle some kibbles in a dish, but mostly they’ll be their same whacky selves anywhere and everywhere. No prodding needed!
Last week’s episode ended with a wasted Sonja Morgan collapsing on the ground to Bethenny Frankel‘s commend to go to sleep. This week’s episode features Sonja getting a visit from the paramedics. Sonja probably believes this is a front to bring male strippers into the house, but au contraire – she’s actually getting some medial attention in case she is concussed.
Oh, they’ve descended upon the sunshine state again… Shouldn’t Florida have an ordinance keeping the Real Housewives Of New York out?!
In cold New York city Ramona Singer has convinced everyone that vacationing in a fabulous Miami mansion will be just the thing to unify the group after Upstate. Round houses have a way of backing everyone into their own corners. Also Luann de Lesseps is spinning on an axis around her own sun, orbiting her own ego, and declaring that she’s not a diva at. all, so maybe a return to Florida will put things in humbling perspective for her!
The Real Housewives Of New York certainly got a dud of a cast trip this year because they’re heading to Miami again! Not only is that a lame destination – as compared to getting capsized in Columbia – but they’re forced to stay stateside courtesy of Luann de Lesseps‘ probation.
I guess last time the Real Housewives Of New York traveled to Miami Bethenny Frankel unleashed evidence that Luann’s then-fiance Tom D’Agostino was cheating, so that was exciting, I guess. And then there was all the drama with Aviva Drescher‘s dad which went down in Miami a few seasons back. This time there is no Aviva, but there’s certainly Harry! Always Harry Dubin. Always Tom. Always dick, but never with a capital D.
Oh Real Housewives Of New York don’t ever change. Do I open ever recap with this sentence? But seriously Real Housewives Of New York spirals through cycles of emotions faster than a Cathy cartoon about dating and PMS, and I don’t want it any other way.
Anytime you take these ladies anywhere – even to the doctor; even to the nail salon; even to Luann de Lesseps‘ yardsale in the Hamptons, they exist in their own self-contained orbit of revolving arguments, makeups, friendships, feuds, hurt feelings, men… Like a drunken comet hurtling towards church here they come, slathered in statement necklaces and macrame, and shedding skin from laser facials, and shedding tears from all the people who have wronged them first leading them hear to a sky-high tolerance for emotional instability and pain. And hell hath no fury like a group of middle-aged women scorned, with nothing else to lose. Amen, sistas. A-MEN, but you don’t need ’em cause you have each other. (And cheesecake on the lanai, of course).
Tonight the Real Housewives Of New York continue to spin in circles at Luann de Lesseps round house in a dry county. Dry, my ass because they’re all playing a cabaret drinking game and these ladies are three sheets to the wind under the wings of the endangered wildlife flowing past Luann’s rounded windows!
Luann and Bethenny Frankel are still arguing, with Luann doubling down on her reasons for expelling Bethenny to ignore Bryn and stay out all night watching her perform cabaret in a nurses costume from Target.