The doomed relationships of 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days hit critical mass last night, with some couples calling it quits, others revealing new secrets, and one couple even getting officially hitched. Yup, Karine signed up to be Mrs. Paul FOR REALS, you guys. And she doesn’t have anything to show for it except a blocked Instagram account, a few used up pregnancy tests, and 67 poop emoji pillows.
The moment Family Karine has been dreading is here: their beloved daughter will meet Paul and Siri at the altar to wed in holy matrimony. The day of the wedding, Karine is still nervous but committed her bad decisions. As Mother Karine cries by her side, Paul rides to the ceremony hall recounting his terrible relationships of yesteryear and hoping he doesn’t have a panic attack today. No running into the woods, Paul! BAD PAUL. Sit. Stay.
It’s an all-new 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days tonight, and things are about to get a little bit more stupider. Yes, this show is taking the drama and dysfunction to new levels every week, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
After finding out about Ricky’s backup plan last week, cameras follow him wandering the streets with the new “love of his life,” Ximena. Incidentally. Ximena still doesn’t know that Ricky didn’t initially come to Colombia for her, but there’s another plot twist! She has some secrets of her own.
If someone would’ve told me that Ricky would turn out to be the mastermind player of this season’s 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days crew, I would have laughed straight in their face. Yet somehow, our boy Ricky pulled a straight up Keyser Soze on us last night when he revealed his backup plan for being catfished by Melissa. Because, yo: HE HAS ANOTHER CHICK ON STANDBY! And after witnessing Ricky’s shrewd move to replace Melissa with Ximena (pronounced “Hemena”) as his love interest for the remainder of his time in Colombia, I guess he deserves a slow clap. Or a slap in the face? Maybe both.
We pick up with Ricky contemplating his trip to Colombia thus far, which has amounted to a 12-minute “date” with Melissa
the prostitute, followed by a full day of fanny packing it around the city, solo. It’s finally dawned on Ricky that he’s been dumped by the woman of his dreams, a person who he’s been sending money to, and who he fully expected to propose to on this trip. Remember that ring? Yeah, he still has it. But hey – why not just give that thing to somebody else? Ricky has an idea, guys.
Tonight’s 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days looks like it may be turning the tables on its “Poor Ricky” storyline. Previews suggest that Ricky may have a backup plan in Colombia. In other words, Ricky maybe ain’t so dumb after all? “I haven’t been totally truthful with everyone,” says Ricky in a preview clip, just before we see him meeting up with another woman who he’s apparently been texting on the sly.
It looks like our other five couples continue to wreck the train in new, thrilling ways tonight as well. The dysfunction reaches new heights when Jesse and Darcey attempt to cook a “drama free dinner” for Darcey’s daughters. Spoiler alert: There will be blood.
I am about three seconds away from going door to door, spreading the gospel of 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days to unbelievers. Because this show is giving me so much joy, it must be shared. Do you feel me? Am I alone here? Between Tarik’s six-hour religious experience in Hazel’s
cult church, Angela’s hardcore quest to find a Nigerian smoke while Michael casually calls her “fat,” and sad little Ricky wandering around Colombia with only a fanny pack to comfort him, this is truly the stuff reality TV dreams are made of.
Before we get into the new couples’ downward spirals, let’s check in with last year’s leftovers, starting with Darcey and Jesse. Spoiler alert: They still pretty much want to murder one another. (Also, last night was jam packed with cringe-worthy greatness, so please excuse the novella of a recap to come…)
At a time when many of us can’t seem to agree on a lot, we can all come together to shake our heads and laugh our booties off at the good folk of 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. Last night, six couples continued their journeys – some abroad, and some right here at home, perched awkwardly on the trunk of a tree. As one does.
Before we get to that particular Connecticut/Amsterdam disaster, we catch up with Ricky first, who is still waiting for “Melissa” and for fanny packs to come back in style. He sits at the restaurant, two hours past their appointed meeting time, convincing himself that “Melissa” just needed some extra time to straighten out her hair/outfit/cover story.
Tonight’s the night! It’s time for 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days to show us what really happens when a couple’s “Facebook official” relationship turns legit official.
After two weeks of build-up, late passports, and stockpiling of nicotine patches, Angela finally arrives in Nigeria to meet her prince, Michael. But he’s not sure he can cope with what’s landed on his doorstep. It looks like Michael plans to be a good sport about it though, telling the cameras, “I think I can handle her for two weeks.”
Is it too soon to say that season two of 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days may even surpass the greatness of season one? Perhaps so, but dang! It’s coming out, hairballs blazing. Last night we met one new couple or rather one half of a new couple. Alright, we actually met a dude who is very unlikely to ever be part of ANY couple, but who does own one very impressive mesh shirt (photo evidence forthcoming in future recaps). And are we all wondering the same thing with this cast, i.e.: Is everyone on this show actively trying get murdered now? Because the double-triple-quadruple catfishing going on here is astounding.
Out of the remaining couples, some came face to face for the first time. Some reunited after months apart. And others demanded pregnancy tests from their foreign fiances while still not learning upwards of 10 words of their native language. (Yeah, you know who you are, Paul.) Okay, let’s take a look at the highlights of the fourteen-car pileup known as 90 Day Fiance.