It’s with great sadness that I announce that tonight is Sheree Whitfiled‘s last appearance on Real Housewives of Atlanta. I know, I cried too. Not because I am Sheree’s only fan (which I very well may be), but because Sheree’s arrival on the reality television scene was golden, precious, and insane. I mean, she only has my favorite intro in Housewives history: “I like things that are elegint and soffisicated, just like me!” Priceless, amirite?
As an homage to the most delusional Housewife of the whole franchise, it is without further ado that I unleash She by SheBroke: A Retrospective. Let’s recap some of Sheree’s greatest moments, shall we?
Season one we met Sheree; then full of hubris and conviction. “Budget – what’s that?;” she quipped. Insisting that soon she would be getting a whopping seven figures in a divorce settlement from ex-husband Bob Whitfield. Remember when Sheree had a personal shopper come to her mansion, which was drifting into foreclosure as she spoke, to bring her shoes? Oh, how the mighty fall.
“A big problem men have is they’re intimidated by successful women,” She by SheDelusional explained while spending her paltry divorce settlement on dresses she couldn’t afford. “I’m fashion; I’m style!;” she exclaimed. It’s so very in vogue to be broke, you know! So, of course first comes ridiculous, then comes a fashion line!
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Sheree then, of course, launched She by SheDoesn’tExist, as she hosted a fashion show to showcase her future fashion line. But where were the clothes? Oh those silly things? Here look at this ice sculpture instead!
Poor Sheree tried to plan the biggest blowout of the year. And it was a blowout all right, when NeNe Leakes found herself the recipient of a guest list snub of epic proportions. That’s right, after getting her hair and make-up done, throwing on some Dolce & Gabbana, and arriving at She by SheIsSoNotAtlanta’sSocialElite’s party, she was not on the list! And what a coincidence—Sheree was no where to be found at this crucial moment. She was getting her drink on and probably instructing her assistant Tierra to keep NeNe out! Did I mention—Sheree also told everyone her eldest daughter was also her assistant? #epicfail
Season two, Sheree had ramped up the delusion and the crazy and the desperate. As it became apparent that She by SheDidn’tGetSevenFigures wasn’t going to be living the highlife much longer! Sheree started scrambling for a storyline, and low and behold—here born She by Sheree. The clothes, I mean. Yeah, they finally arrived.
I would classify this season as the crowning achievement of Sheree’s Housewifehood. There were so many wonderful moments. But most important of all, besides the debut of She by Sheree, of course, was the infamous “Who gonna check me, Boo?” argument with the party planner to end all party planners. Oh, and arriving in a horse drawn carriage to the Atlanta debut of She by Sheree. She also had doves! And manscorts (male escorts).
I mean, I guess since that helicopter didn’t pan out… Someone really needs to check that
trashy bitch boo. Oh—I think I know just the person. Behold:
Did I mention—”Whatever happened to customer service?” is my all-time favorite She by SheOneLiners?
And who can forget the infamous wig tugs by She by SheLies? Which ironically started over who rents what house. Oh, the irony of Kim Zolciak screaming that Sheree has no class. She by SheWigPulls? She has class in spades! Just remember—Sheree is elegint and soffisicated.
Moving on to Season three, She By SheBroke decided that whole fashion thing just wasn’t where she wanted to devote her energy. She’s an acktresss. That’s right. Uh huh. After allegedly borrowing $30,000 from Dwight Eubanks she started taking acting lessons (which were grossly ineffective and another waste of Bravo and Bob’s money) and doing Dancing With The Stars Atlanta. She’s apparently returning to fashion again as She by Sheree will be experiencing a revival—but something tells me Dwight will be keeping his check book closed this time around. Don’t look at him to provide any photocopies!
Sheree bought an Aston Martin that, sadly, was quickly repossessed
by Apollo. Well, that was a brief and torrid love affair.
Speaking of love affairs, Sheree also started dating again. And she met a doctor. Well, sort of… Dr Tiy-E said he was a doctor, but that was just like Sheree telling people she is rich…
Season four, things had all changed for Sheree who had been She by SheEvicted and was now living in a condo with an air mattress. That’s a downgrade. Not to worry—because she had plans to build Chateau Sheree, a mythical neverland of sticks and dirt and no trespassing signs! Oh, and a liberry/roller rink. Chate-no…
Of, course there was the fabulous toof wars with Ms. NeNe Leakes.
And there was the infamous South African show-down with Marlo Hampton. I’m still not sure what the hell happened there, but apparently Sheree shops and swaps, ala buys and returns things to Neimans and she speaks in tongues! Dah-raama
“I doubt very seriously that Emily Post has a chapter in her book on aggravated assault,” Sheree opined. “Get some damn culture.” And for once I couldn’t agree more! And of course, all of that led to #BlackBabyGate, which I’m just not even going to acknowledge.
So what will Sheree be up to post-Housewives? This past year Sheree released a single! Aptly titled Who Gon’ Check Me Boo? I think the answer is Andy Cohen who fired her She by Sheree clad butt.
And she is also starting her own foundation. According to her website S.H.E. Foundation. In case you’re wondering, S.H.E. stands for: Self-Esteem, Health, and Education. Yes, she is now She by SheEducator. Which is scary.
Sheree will also be expanding She by Sheree. And just in case you want a reminder of how bad it was the first time around, please just glance down. Just to refresh your memories—here SHE is… She by SHE-ree. Oh lawdy!
And Finally… Shot and directed by Sheree, herself!
Well, Sheree. I will miss you. You’ve had some exemplary one-liners over the year, but we wish you well. And if She by Sheree ever takes off—I’m a size small. xoxo
WILL YOU MISS SHEREE?