I know I sound like a broken record with every recap of Teen Mom 2, but these girls are a broken record, so it's technically not my fault. Jenelle Evans keeps going back to Keiffer (and weed), and Chelsea Houska just can't get Adam's name from escaping her mouth every two seconds. Leah Messer Simms Calvert can't make up her mind between Corey and Jeremy, and Kailyn Lowry can't contain her growing jealously for Jo's girlfriend Vee. It's the exact same thing every week…except they are wearing different PINK sweat pants! Let's get started dishing on last night's episode, shall we?
Not surprisingly, Jenelle hasn't seen Jace or Barbara since she got off probation. She and Keiffer are happy to be back together and smoking up a storm…even though she's trying to keep things under control. Yeah, right. She asks him what will be different this time around, and he assures her that it won't. Um, what? Kidding! He's been in jail, and she's gone to rehab. They have grown up so much. Jenelle still wants to take things *slow.*
Kailyn and Jo are heading back to court to discuss custody. She doesn't want Vee around Isaac. Ever. I hope the judge kicks Javi to the curb if he agrees to that. Could she want a bigger double standard? Jo calls to reveal that he is moving to New Jersey to be closer to work, but it won't affect any of the drop offs or custody arrangements. He plans to stay with his parents whenever he has Isaac. Kailyn sullenly reminds him that she will NOT drive an extra hour to accommodate his new living arrangement. Jo politely reminds her that she won't have to…wasn't she listening thirty seconds ago? He is also unsure whether Vee will be moving in with him. Oh gracious! Again, I love how Kailyn threatened to move to Texas so Jo wouldn't get to see Isaac often, yet Jo moving an hour away and changing nothing is so horrible. Plus, hasn't she been complaining that he needs to move out of his parents' house? At his new apartment, Jo shares his frustrations about Kailyn with Vee. Jo isn't ready for Vee to move in yet. Is he the most mature one on the show?
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Now that Chelsea has been visited by Aunt Flo, she decides to share her hook-up with Adam and subsequent pregnancy scare with her mother. Chelsea laughs her way through the story with her mom who thinks her daughter is a giant dumbazz for sleeping with Adam and not using protection. Gah, her voice grates on my nerves. I love how she continues to talk about her pregnancy scare around her poor toddler.
Jeremy has moved out so that Leah can focus on her relationship with Corey. Without Leah's knowledge, Jeremy calls Corey and asks if he can come over for a man-to-man. It's going to be the meeting of the ball caps. Jeremy is cussing up a storm with all of the unknowns, and Corey reveals that he wants to go to counseling with Leah. He knows that Jeremy is a great guy and good with his daughters. They bond over their hatred for Robby and Leah's prior cheating, as well as their concern that Leah can be in love with two people. I think Corey is going to start crying again. I wish these two would leave Leah in the dust and go off and be best friends together. I'd watch that spin-off!
Chelsea goes to see her doctor to get back on birth control. They share small talk about Aubree and beauty school. Did Aubree do Chelsea's make-up this morning? Chelsea has some very specific requirements for birth control. She doesn't want something she has to take every day, and she doesn't want anything that will cause her to gain weight. She opts for the IUD once again.
Kailyn is preparing for her custody mediation. Jo has missed one of his scheduled visitations since moving to New Jersey. She's nursing a sick Isaac and complaining about Jo to her friend. Kailyn stalked Jo on Twitter and found out he was hanging out with Vee and his friends when he should have been spending time with his son.
Jenelle is contemplating a life changing decision…boobs, y'all! She's so insecure with her flat chest, and she wants to upgrade to a larger model. Apparently, in addition to the fights she has with boyfriends over drugs, cheating, and trust, she also gets into arguments about her low self esteem. Her exes have all wanted her to love her body for what it is, but Jenelle can't help being all, "shut up, I hate you." Sound familiar?
After their guy talk, Jeremy calls to Leah to tell her that he thinks Corey is still confused about their relationship. She calls Corey to see if he's ready to move forward with a reconciliation. Leah wants to schedule counseling, and she's not happy with Corey's blase attitude. He's willing to go to counseling, but he doesn't want his love triangle with Leah and Corey to turn into the love triangle he was in with Leah and Robby. Leah feels like Jeremy is fighting for Corey's family more than Corey. I think they are both trying to sabotage getting back together.
Talking to her friend about her IUD, Chelsea is sort of sad that her pregnancy scare was just a scare. That said, she isn't going to call up Adam and let him know that she's on birth control. Please stop talking about this in front of your kid. She's smarter than you think!
Javi is being supportive of Kailyn before her mediation. Don't they both see the hypocrisy of Javi being allowed around Isaac but not Vee? The mediation was unsuccessful according to Kailyn, and the pair's custody agreement remains unchanged. Jo gives Vee a rundown of the accusations Kailyn made in court. She claims that Vee is a drunken pot smoker. Perhaps she should be friends with Jenelle…
Meanwhile, Jenelle still hasn't seen her son because she's been too busy hanging out with Keiffer and thinking about breast augmentation. Keiffer is busy planning his pipe carving business. He just needs tools and exotic wood. I. Can't. Make. This. Up. She shares her desire for bigger boobs, and Keiffer thinks he'll miss her tiny chest. He's saying nice things, but he ultimately thinks its her decision. Poor Jace. That kid doesn't have a chance, does he?
A tearful Leah is starting to question Corey's desire to move forward as a family. What if she made a mistake breaking up with Jeremy? Poor Kayla looks about as interested in hearing this conversation for the umpteenth time as I am. Kayla admits that she was Team Corey, but she switching to Team Jeremy. Leah is questioning the maturity of her relationship with Corey. Finally! Meanwhile, in the commercial clip, a real live person actually lets Chelsea cut and highlight her hair. God only knows how much MTV had to pay to make that happen!
Kailyn shares the outcome and her frustrations with Javi. She and Jo are going to have to resolve their issues at trial. In the meantime, they need to start on their co-parenting classes. Vee tweets about drinking and smoking…yeah, she does it. So what? Keep it classy, Vee! Kailyn is bothered that Jo doesn't want to help better their situation. Javi thinks that Kailyn needs to realize that fact that Jo is doing exactly what he wants.
A shocked Chelsea gets a text that she has to move out of her house because the owner wants to move back in by the end of the month. She calls her dad, yelling and whining, and he's prepared to help her find a new place. She needs to grow up…and fast. Chelsea goes into full fledged "woe is me" mode. She's got an MTV paycheck for goodness sake. Poor Aubree keeps asking her mom if she's happy and begs her to stop crying. Chelsea just can't help it. I wish my television had a "slap" option.
Jenelle has decided to go full speed ahead with new boobs, but she wants to talk to her mom before scheduling the procedure. She's finally seeing her son, but she barely pays him any attention. Does Jenelle have a script she's following regarding her insecurities and feeling like a twelve-year-old on the beach? She's got this speech down pat. Barbara thinks it's a horrible idea. It's the first time she's ever agreed with Keiffer. The surgery will keep Jenelle away from Jase even longer.
Leah worries she's made a mistake breaking off her engagement to Jeremy, and she tells Corey that she doesn't think he's serious enough. They pair bickers and has the same argument they have every episode, but they both decide they aren't meant to be.
Next week, Chelsea wants to leave South Dakota, and Kailyn wants Javi to move in with her. Jenelle can't decide between Keiffer and Gary, and Leah apologizes to Jeremy and asks him to take her back.
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE? ARE WE ON A MERRY-GO-ROUND WE JUST CAN'T SEEM TO STOP?
[Photo Credit: MTV]