When The Notorious B.I.G. coined the above phrase I'm sure he never envisioned it being so oft quoted. As if Kandi Burruss doesn't have enough drama surrounding her wedding and relationship, she and Todd Tucker are now having last-minute prenup problems.
Last night on Kandi's Wedding the soon-to-be-spouses (we hope!) celebrated their bachelor and bachelorette parties (both sleazy in their own ways) and unfortunately were not able to come to an agreement regarding the prenup which Kandi handed to
Bravo's stunt queen Todd's attorney literally 2 days before the nuptials.
Todd's first mistake seems to be hiring NeNe Leakes and Porsha Stewart's former attorney. At this point he's a Bravo employee now, right? Whatever the case he loves messiness as much as his former clients do! He tells Todd he would not sign the prenup as is because there are certain clauses that are down-right unfair and do not protect Todd's long-term interest. For instance there is nothing to protect Todd's assets if he ends up being the main breadwinner in the future, if Kandi dies Todd loses everything, and there's nothing protecting future businesses they may build together.
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Todd's attorney is planning to contact Kandi's attorney but in the interim nothing is getting signed. This is apparently standard procedure for how a prenup is negotiated – which is why most people don't dole it out TWO DAYS before their wedding. However, most married couples don't have to worry about establishing drama for their reality TV wedding show!
Todd has no qualms about signing a prenup he just wants to sign one that's fair to both parties – and any future earnings and children they may have. And let's be frank, he does not want Mama Joyce ending up with all their money. Kandi, on the other hand, feels she and Todd discussed the prenup stipulations many times, before the attorneys got involved, and both were in total agreement: what they brought into the marriage they keep and anything they earn together they split. She seems to feel handing it off to the lawyers was a mere formality to legalize it and Todd shouldn't be arguing, however it seems there were some extra clauses added that trend towards the ridiculous.
Such as, if Todd gets sick and Kandi decides to leave him, he gets nothing. Someone (Kandi!) didn't read her wedding vows – the ones that say 'in sickness and in health.' The real sadness lies in the fact that the couple has this argument right after their rehearsal and Kandi really let her Mama Joyce side show when instead of discussing the situation rationally she shut Todd down and insisted he was just trying to fight about her money. They tried to get the attorneys to communicate, but they were playing phone tag and that's where it was left.
Before all that happened, Kandi and Mama Joyce visited her brother's grave. Kandi's brother, Patrick, passed when he was 22 and she was a teenager. They had a close relationship and his death obviously devastated Kandi and Joyce. Joyce admits she is overly-clingy when it comes to Kandi – clearly. After the emotional moments Mama Joyce agrees to walk Kandi down the aisle and give her away – literally give her away to the greedy, gold-digging, hustlers who see her as lottery winnings. And Mama Joyce will never see her again – Kandi will completely disappear. Joyce seems to be thinking that because she couldn't get anymore sour if she tried!
Then it's Bachelor/Bachelorette parties. Todd has friends in from NY and Kandi's party is being thrown by joint maids of honor, Carmon and Tan. Miraculously the two women realized they're adults and decided to put differences aside for Kandi. I'm happy to see them act like true friends and be there for Kandi. And they actually seemed to be having fun. Bonding over penis shots – so sweet! Even Aunt Nora got into the good time – she and Sharon were good sports, but Joyce declined her invitation and no one missed her.
The party would have been a success if it weren't for Phaedra Parks (and her Marge Simpson bun) being in charge of the 'entertainment'. She hired a little person stripper, who ended up falling down when the platform stage collapsed. And then the second 'adult entertainer' was large and in charge of um… traumatizing the guests. I'm thinking Phaedra really didn't want Kandi to have fun at this party. Interesting that Porsha attended the party but was not featured on the show!
Over at Todd's party hosted by the lovely and charming Apollo Nida and Peter Thomas (yuck) it was a stripper's paradise as they got Todd wasted and threw hoochies all over him. Look Joyce didn't even have to take photos of Todd in compromising situations with other women – Bravo did it for her! I personally think Phaedra should have been in charge of the entertainment at Todd's party – they should have switched strippers. HA! After all of this I am going to need Bravo to start providing explicit warnings so I can purchase my eyebleach ahead of time. Thank you Phaedra. Thank you Apollo.
Is your marrige is bound by sleaze?
The next day, still hungover, Todd hasn't signed the prenup as he's waiting for his attorney to talk to Kandi's attorney about certain clauses. Unfortunately it's also time for the wedding rehearsal – the venue looks amazing, but there are no dresses to be seen or heard of, and the bride and groom are barely speaking.
At the rehearsal dinner Joyce's face is frozen in hatred and she announces she will be completely ignoring aging prostitute Sharon after she called her "The B Word". Yes Joyce, now is the time for propriety after all the f-bombs and despicable rumors you have spread. She sits there stone-faced not making eye contact with Sharon or Kandi's father Titus, and reveals the real reason she agreed to walk Kandi down the aisle was because she refused to give Titus the satisfaction of being part of the wedding while she was not. Lovely. Poor Kandi. Also, Joyce says Sharon is happy because she and Todd just "won the lottery".
Meanwhile Phaedra is eagle-eyeing the African dance troupe (and their microscopic shorts), so she can represent them as future 'adult entertainment' clients. That was a great show to put on in front of Kandi's preacher father – dancers in hot pants with their wangs flashing. Oh Bravo, the level of class. The level of class.
Of course after the mock-ceremony Carmon realizes no one has even seen a dress, let alone been fitted – bride included – and the ceremony is the next day. And then Kandi and Todd get into an argument about money, or fairness about money, or rights. I think they both have fair points but this should have been worked out weeks before the big day. And Kandi's attitude about his concerns is dismissive and immature. Doesn't Todd get an additional bonus for putting up with Mama Joyce. Every month that he and Kandi are married, he gets some money for dealing with the MIL from hell!
After bickering and attempting to communicate with the attorneys to no avail, Todd gets hurt and pissed and storms out. "I don't want your f–king money!" he snaps. "That's all y'all ever thinking about; you and your mom." Todd and Kandi need to head back to that marriage counselor!
Meanwhile, Kandi tells Carmon and Tiny if there's no prenup, there's no wedding. "You can't do that… in front of all those people…" a wide-eyed Carmon says. But Kandi is adamant if they can't come to terms on the prenup she'll be throwing a very fancy party. Does anyone else think Joyce is going to do anything and everything in her power to make that a reality?
[Photo Credits: BravoTV]
TELL US – SHOULD TODD SIGN THE PRENUP AS IS OR IS IT FAIR TO RENEGOTIATE SOME CLAUSES?