Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County everybody was having a meltdown. I swear Andy Cohen needs to have staff psychiatrists at these Housewives shoots!
We begin at Lizzie Rovsek‘s dinner party on the balcony of bitchery. Shannon Beador is over-whipped into a frenzy and Tamra Judge is making things worse by grabbing at her face and yelling under the guise of calming her down. Shannon became more agitated thinking Tamra’s bad Botox was contagious. “I was trying to restrain her,” huffs Tamra.
Finally David helps Shannon into her coat to escort her out of the party. I’m pretty sure he was planning to drive her to Cedars Mt. Sinai for the Britney Spears suite. Vicki Gunvalson runs outside to confront Shannon and it seemed genuine. She encouraged Shannon to just go home and not deal with this anymore today.
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Tamra and Heather Dubrow really showed their true colors last night – the color of sludge from Dr. Dubrow‘s lipo-needles, that is. Brooks was looking infinitely better than those two! #BotchedPersonalities I mean, yes, Tamra is ultimately to blame for starting the rumors that caused ALLLL the issues, but Heather certainly did her part to contribute to both hurting Shannon and escalating the situation. Plus she’s being so mean!
While Shannon was flipping out and ready to fling herself into the ocean, Heather is standing by like ‘Who me? I’m innocent – after all I got yelled at! I GOT YELLED at! I deserve an apology!’
With Shannon gone, Tamra and Heather confer again to express pseudo concern for the state of Shannon’s mental health. Heather thinks they should call an ambulance! Tamra is worried Shannon is having a psychotic break – and she would know she’s been there before. <fake tears, sniff, sniff> Even when Tamra attempts to look empathetic it’s not believable. Ask your buddy Heather for some acting lessons. Errrr… wait…
Seriously - an ambulance! A psychotic break! Really Bravo needs to call a whambulance to haul away the Real Psychos – Heather and Tamra. Lizzie recognizes that what Shannon needs is a friend – not two bitches using her marital issues for a storyline, so she goes outside to tell Shannon it’s OK. Shannon is mortified, but feels she was pushed to the breaking point.
When Vicki comes back inside Heather sidles over to exonerate herself. Oh no, no, no… she didn’t start those rumors – Tamra did. It’s Tamra Shannon should be mad at. And of course, Heather couldn’t be empathetic to Shannon’s situation because well, Shannon has been difficult to get along with and made Vicki and Tamra hate her. And also, did you know Shannon yelled at her. Vicki basically tells Heather to shut the eff up, act like a decent person, and stop making excuses for her behavior. I love how Vicki is the Housewives whisperer this season – bloop!
At that moment, Shannon comes through the door and a hush falls over them – what’s she gonna do next?! Start spraying them with vodka! Throw chairs?! Knock someone off a balcony? But no, Shannon apologizes and announces she has to leave. Tamra tries to convince her to stay so they can talk, but Shannon wisely did not take the bait. “I don’t understand what Tamra and Heather are up to?” Vicki wonders.
The next day Tamra, Heather and that silent one who appears every once and a while, Danielle, go out for lunch where they talk more ish about Shannon and reveal more of her private information.
Tamra announces that she doesn’t remember what happened the night before because, “After a few drinks, sometimes I forget!” That excuse ain’t gonna fly. A bitch is a bitch is a bitch – drinks or no! Tamra is positive she never said Terry wanted to take down the Beadors… or did she, I mean maybe she was drunk when she said it and doesn’t remember?!
Tamra and Heather, of course, don’t think they did anything wrong and if Shannon wasn’t trying to ruin Heather’s life, she’d have some sympathy. Heather thinks Shannon’s holistic mumbo-jumbo should be traded for a 5150 hold and some anti-psychotics. “I can do crazy, I can’t do mean,” sniffs Heather. Oh – I think she manages to do both quite well! They decide they need to hold an intervention with Shannon while on a girls trip. We’ve seen this before…
And meanwhile Shannon is at Dr. Moon‘s getting her adrenal glands poked to help her stop wanting so much out of life. Shannon is horrified by her behavior and says it was not OK. Although if I had those two bitches in my face accusing me of stuff, refusing to accept my apology, and then telling everyone super personal information I’d probably snap too. “I’m only human,” Shannon says by way of excuse for her meltdown.
You know what Shannon – you are human – and look it too. Which is more than you can say for some castmates. #ForgiveYourself However, I have to say it’s kind of a pattern for Shannon to feel deeply regretful of something that has happened or that she has done, promise never to let it happen again or to stop, and then not alter her behavior. That’s pretty much the entire state of her marriage – so perhaps Dr. Moonshine Meditate on the Rhythm of Rain and Crystals ain’t the answer –
unless he can prescribe medical marijuana.
Switching over, Vicki is still trying to incorporate Brooks into her life, but Briana refuses to accept him. Vicki thinks Brooks has proven himself to everyone else and the two want to move in together – at some point. I still think Brooks is shady as f–k, but Vicki seems much happier and calm this season – I actually like her! – so maybe he’s not so bad.
Vicki and Briana have a counseling session, but it turns into a lot of blaming with the counselor refereeing. He was pretty good though – I nominate him to start working with the housewives and be on hand at reunions. Eventually it comes out that Briana is tired of Vicki always trying to control her life and making everything in Briana’s life about her, like Briana’s upcoming move to OK. Vicki seems utterly shocked to be told she’s self-absorbed. I think these two need more than one session…
Finally, Tamra’s son Ryan comes over to announce that he’s moving to Auburn, CA for a new lady love he met on Instagram named Sarah who is a mother of three. Oh and this is his 2-week notice from CUT Fitness. Tamra says Ryan is impulsive and is just acting out because of his steroid use caused long-term health issues. As it turns out Sarah is basically Tamra 2.0.
Tamra arranges a dinner to meet Sarah, where it emerges that Sarah is an arms dealer who always carries a weapon – probably a good idea if Tamra is your MIL. Speaking of which, SURPRISE! Ryan and Sarah have already started planning their wedding, and set a date but Tamra wasn’t included in anything and didn’t even know they were engaged.
Tamra bursts into hysterical tears about how Ryan is leaving her out of his life – she doesn’t even try to be supportive or happy. Somebody call an ambulance – Tamra is having a psychotic break! #ThoseInGlassHouses “This is the worst week of my life,” she wails.
Eddie escorts Tamra outside where she sobs hysterically. He tells her she’s a mess and needs to go to bed. Eddie is SO DONE with this mess of a marriage. Welcome to the family, Sarah – you really hit the MIL jackpot. Maybe Tamra and Ryan need to go to Vicki’s therapist!
Tamra probably is just pissed she’s not getting a storyline out of Ryan’s fantasy wedding – especially since Sarah has quite the story that would appeal to viewers and make Tamra look compassionate and caring – for once. Ah, we still wouldn’t believe her.
I title this episode #ICantWaitForTheReunion. Uh-oh – somebody’s lyyyyyying (In my Adrienne Maloof voice)!
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
TELL US – WAS SHANNON’S BEHAVIOR JUSTIFIED OR WAS SHE HAVING A PSYCHOTIC BREAK?