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RHOC Recap

Braunwyn Windham-Burke Real Housewives Of Orange County

Hello Real Housewives of Orange County fans! We’re two weeks into the seismic change that is this year in the OC and I’m pleased to announce that I’ll be recapping the lives of the First Ladies of Bravo for the remainder of Season 15! I’m an OG RHOC fan — I’ve been watching since Season 1, Episode 1. That was all the way back in 2005 when I’d sneak Bravo on the TV in my parents’ room, daydreaming about life behind the tony gates of Coto de Caza. Well, that and crushing hard on Shane Keough while stressing about whether Lauri Waring Peterson would ever live the OC lifestyle again. Of course, none of the women currently on the show were even a twinkle in Andy Cohen‘s eye at that point. And to be frank, I had my fair share of reservations going into the season because of that.

Could RHOC survive without Vicki Gunvalson? What about Tamra Judge? As a resident Housewives expert, I’ve always been an ardent believer that each city in the franchise needs an OG to act as anchor to the show’s history. So no matter how many ‘Wives came and went through Bravo’s revolving door, there would always be someone who’d been there from the very beginning. And whether I loved or hated them in any given season, I truly expected to watch Vicki and Tamra whooping it up in a retirement community thirty years from now for Season 45.

Braunwyn Windham-Burke Real Housewives Of Orange County

Finally we have reached the end of the line with Real Housewives Of Orange County. It has been a long and confusing season of many Housewives I do not particularly like. Tamra Judge, I am looking at you. Furthermore I am so thankful I will no longer have to type Brauwnyn Windham-Burke‘s exhausting name, as exhausting as the woman herself, every week. Ugh.

Among the many revelations from part 3 of the reunion, we learned that skanky behavior has always been a cornerstone of the show’s foundation and Andy Cohen will not have you argue it any other way. Boobs out, girls!

We open with Vicki Gunvalson accusing Braunwyn of violating the show’s moral compass, causing Vicki to lose 2 clients. I’m sorry, so dating cancer scamming Brooks Ayers meets Vici’s clients “moral compass”? Andy reminds Vicki that she has flashed her tits at the dinner table, given fake blow jobs (in addition to plenty of low blows) and participated in the Naked Wasted episode with Gretchen Rossi, so why the revisionist history??

Kelly Dodd Real Housewives Of Orange County

OK, so once again rolling in super tardy with a recap. This time for part 2 of the Real Housewives Of Orange County reunion. Sorry Vicki Gunvalson – I respect Christmas more than I respect you!

Legit question, though: Vicki wasn’t even a ‘Housewife’ this season, yet she is the star of this reunion? There she is, sitting in the supremo spot next to Andy Cohen, and at this point 3/4 of the reunion has been dedicated to dissecting Vicki’s antics and her fights on the show.

Part 2 was all about Vicki’s failed friendship with Kelly Dodd, and once again they promised to bury the hatchet in each other’s backs. First, though, they rehash the train rumor, the cocaine allegation, the throw mama down the stairs off a train tale, the broken hand in a bar con-woman catfight… You know, all the classics!

Kelly Dodd Real Housewives Of Orange County Season 14 Reunion Part 1

Wow – last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County reunion was vicious on a level I haven’t seen since the heyday of Real Housewives Of New Jersey!

Vicki Gunvalson had a full-fledged meltdown, was stripped bare, and we were left with the skeletal remains of her original face. It continues in Part 2! Vicki’s entire identity is wrapped up in RHOC so when threatened with that loss, her true self came skulking out with a vengeance. Think Golom chasing the golden ring. I gotta say – I sort of love it. Part 1 of this trilogy, it was the Tres Amigas vs Kelly Dodd, with a little bit of Emily and Gina by their side. And it looks like Part 2 goes even darker.

First of all for the outfits, everyone looked awful. I actually thought Vicki and Emily Simpson, in their velvet dresses looked the best, but Emily’s makeup looked like she let Shane apply it as part of some trust therapy session. Emily and Shane are the new David and Shannon Beador. ‘Studying for the bar’ is Shane’s version of an affair, being that he’s Mormon and all. He’s so checked out of that marriage he might as well be in Italy frolicking naked in the forrest with his new girlfriend. Don’t forget the sock!

Tamra Judge Real Housewives Of Orange County

Last night was the season finale of Real Housewives Of Orange County and with all the chaos, the only thing I could think about was that Gina Kirschenheiter is actually MOVING her word art collection. Like it’s priceless art. Frankly I’m surprised she wasn’t selling it to Sothebys. But seriously you guys, just like her marriage and her ex-man, that stuff is garbage!

Gina decided to reconcile with Matt, and she is glowing like a teenager with a crush as she tells Emily Simpson that he’s truly changed. Gina believes this is a second chance at their marriage. They’ve sold their Coto home and are moving some place new and fresh, and Gina doesn’t even worry about what Matt’s doing in LA.

Well, just like Gina cut the dead ends off her hair, she needs to cut off Matt! Emily knows this, but she tries to be supportive. We can see in others what we can’t see in ourselves, right!

Real Housewives Of Orange County RHOC Emily Kelly Dodd

If you crammed any more drama, hijinks, meltdowns, and hysterias (and medical issues!) into this episode of Real Housewives Of Orange County I think it would explode a la Kelly Dodd after 2 cocktails and exposure to a snarky meme. Things would just come flying out, every which way, and the only thing that would be left standing amid the rubble would be Tamra Judge and the two giant inflatable jugs she has strapped to her chest as a bullet-proof vest/getaway life raft.

I literally can’t even begin to dissect all the switching animosities and loyalties, but all I have to say is Tamra is masterful at manipulating these women in a tizzy of stupidity. And Kyle Richards thinks Lisa Vanderpump plays chess…  

Kelly Dodd Braunwyn Windham-Burke Tamra Judge Miami Real Housewives Of Orange County

You guys I’m sorry – I am having Thanksgiving fever and 15 houseguests, and I just cannot get it together with the Real Housewives Of Orange County nonsense today.

Tamra Judge and Kelly Dodd are like your mother and your mother-in-law at the same holiday dinner. They’re not gonna speak or look at each other. But, they are going to viciously jab from all corners until it all comes bubbling to the surface over the way to make gravy or something.

Braunwyn Windham-Burke invited all the women to Miami so they can understand her better. Apparently, we’re now defining our personalities by cities, so Braunwyn is a Miami person. In Miami, she liked having sex with her husband, clubbed constantly, and wore skanky clothes to the grocery store. Whereas in Orange County, Braunwyn has to hide her wild side? I don’t get it… How was Braunwyn doing all this partying in between 52 pregnancies, nursing 19 babies, and also well, ostensibly, parenting? We don’t ever get a clear answer about why they left Miami, just like we don’t get a clear answer about why this is the sad-sack trip RHOC got this season. I blame Tamra because I blame her for everything.

Tamra Judge Real Housewives Of Orange County

Well, if there’s one thing a Housewives show doesn’t need more celebration of it’s boobs, although I think Real Housewives Of Orange County gave us the first itineration of celebrating boobs that weren’t just used for sex appeal… that is until Braunwyn Windham-Burke whipped hers out at her No More Nursing fiesta.

The theme of this party made absolutely no sense. It was a boobs bacchanalia with strippers, a nipple cake, and dildos on the wall, but Brauwnyn called it a “weaning party” meant to celebrate the end of nursing after 18 years.

Braunwyn’s entire life is reliving the youth she never got to experience, which is ironic only in that Dr. Debs desperation to capture a thwarted youth is the sole reason why Braunwyn resents and hates her mother. So maybe Braunwyn will go on to have an illustrious career as a plastic surgeon specializing in mommy makeover boob jobs? I just can’t with this exhausting woman and her constant need to show off as the hot, fun mom. Enough already!