Don’t Be Tardy opens with Kroy Biermann giving precious Kaia a bath in the kitchen yet again this week. Can I just say that these scenes bathing the two cutie pies are just the best?! I can’t handle the cuteness. He’s teaming up with Kim Zolciak and doing the old fashion way of being parents – by just being parents. She’s making bottles and he’s bathing babies. Teamwork at its finest and I love it (And Kroy baby-talking to Kai??? Adorable!). Ok, enough with the collective “Ohhhhs” in the back round….moving on!
Sweetie is talking to Kim about how she would love to have 6 babies but her “hooha” hasn’t been with as many dudes and she wants to make sure her “hooha” can handle that. Kim then reassures Sweetie that she can just get her vag rejuvenated (through what else – surgery!) you know, in case your p***y hangs like sliced prosciutto. Stop. I have to stop. I can handle lots of language and Kim can drop the f-bombs all night long – but for some reason I squirm in my seat whenever I hear p***y from anyone’s mouth. And it’s said a few more times in this episode. Just please keep it to “hooha” or ZIP IT.
I noticed in the opening scene Kim doesn’t appear to be wearing her wig – just her original locks twirled up old school in a claw clip. The natural hair is such a nice look on her and I think it makes her look younger – I hope we see more of this!
Suddenly, Kim‘s not feeling so hot declaring cramps in her uterus (that’s pretty specific for identifying cramps btw). Her period comes like clockwork after every baby and it’s currently MIA, so damn it, she thinks she might be pregnant. They head to the OB/GYN’s office and he’s all “you again??!!!” when he sees her. And the hits keep on comin’! This doctor is cracking jokes like it’s his day job and he says we might just need to “sew her vagina shut” (actually this is not a terrible idea), bada bing – oh! He’s here all week people.
Turns out she’s just ovulating and it’s most likely PMS. PHEW!!!!! In light of this recent scare, Kim decides to have the birth control talk with Kroy. Eerily similar to their prior conversations about big life decisions, Kim’s got this one in the bag and convinces Kroy to have a vasectomy. She utilizes the whole “I pushed out 4 babies for you, C’MON!!!!!” (Side note: I’ve used this argument with my husband several times before and it gets me nowhere. I love Kroy). What else is Kim gonna do? Hmmm, maybe IUD, Tubal ligation, etc. Alas, Kroy takes the vasectomy bait, hook, line and sinker. (Whoa, wait – is that a tanning bed in their home gym???) Kim gets the appointment scheduled ASAP.
Meanwhile, Ariana is parading around the fake pool boy (He skims the water with a net – does that a pool boy make?) in really, really, really short denim shorts. She is 12 and God bless her balls to talk to boys that comfortably at her age. Kim gets wind of this – runs out and drags Ariana back inside. Not before Kim graces us with the quote of the day – hell, quote of the week, when referring to where Ariana gets her boy-crazy ways, “I mean I love boys. I came out of the womb looking for dick and all. We all know that”. I’m plastering this line on a coffee mug and someone’s getting it for my office holiday grab bag.
Later in the week Jen, Kim’s bestie for the past 14 years, swings by to say hello. She is also preggos with her first kid and Kim wants to relay advice to her about what she’s really in for once the baby arrives. As they proceed into the bar area of the house we notice this is where the 8th Christmas tree is located (and has 100 stuff animals stapled to it as ornaments). To be fair, I believe the twins were born around Thanksgiving and give it 2 months or so – we’re only looking at end of January, perhaps early February. IMO, this is only borderline panic mode for taking down the decorations. Once the next official Hallmark holiday arrives (Valentine’s Day), Sayonara snowglobes!
Kim can enjoy some wine now and makes a point to only drink from Solo cups because glasses smell funny. Um, ok. Kroy exits stage left once the talk turns to girls having different turds than boys. In case you were wondering Kim has pebbles as poop.
D-Day has arrived! Kroy and Kim are going to get the vasectomy today. KJ calls and Kim feels the need to be completely transparent (again, over-sharing) and tell a 2 year-old where they are going. The snip takes like 2 seconds and they’re home with Kroy resting from the surgery and Kim resting from her period. Lana waits on them hand and foot and this is endearing seeing her run around the house trying her best to make them feel better. I need a Lana please!!!
Next episode they’re going on vacation to the beach in a gigantic RV and Kroy suspects Brielle might be partying a little too hard. Stay tuned!!!
TELL US – YOUR THOUGHTS ON DON’T BE TARDY? DOES KIM’S VULGAR MOUTH BOTHER YOU?