southern charm landon shep

Southern? Without a doubt. Charming? Eh, sometimes more than others with these guys! On last night’s Southern Charmthe drama continued to focus on Thomas Ravenel and Kathryn Dennis with a little bit of Maury Povich mixed in for good measure.  After we witnessed the birth of the couple’s son St. Julien Rembert Ravenel last week, T-Rav’s friends, including JD Madison and Whitney Sudler-Smith, encouraged the playboy to make sure he was, in fact, the father, and Craig Conover, Kathryn’s biggest cheerleader, jumped on the bandwagon. Of course, we had to wait until the witching hour to see it, but wowsers…and next week? Don’t get me started! 

The episode begins with Cameran Eubanks calling Shepard “Shep” Rose about their partnerShep listing, but he’s busy taste-testing gin drinks at his bar, the Palace Hotel. Also getting an early start on the day is Craig who drops in on his former boss, Extreme Akim Anastapoulo. Akim finds it laughable to learn that Craig is in the hotel business. Not only did he spend three years in law school, but Craig graduated three years ago and still hasn’t taken the bar. The lawyer/Eye for an Eye star wants to hit Craig over the head with his Bat of Justice. He wonders how Craig will explain such a gap in his legal resume to future employers. Craig swears he doesn’t want to waste his education, and Akim begrudgingly agrees to help him get on the right path after he passes the bar. Something tells me this will Akim’s final cameo. Next time Craig seeks advice, Akim will send Kato Kaelin…or Big Sugar Ray.

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Downtown, Shep is meeting his quasi-girlfriend Bailey for a cocktail. Perhaps it’s time for the DTR conversation? Shep commends Bailey as different from the other girls in Charleston because she seems to sincerely like him. However, over a bottle of wine, their exchange is clearly awkward. When Shep questions the absence of their usual flirtation, Bailey lays down the law. She adores him as a friend, but if he can’t give her a commitment, she’s cutting off the milk. Shep recognizes that it’s unfair to want to have his cake and eat it too, but it sucks being dumped (plus, he really loves cake…and milk). At least they can maintain a friendship, which seems to be the norm with this Lothario. If Shep was a superhero, his secret power would be the ability to charm girls he won’t date exclusively into remaining his pal. 

southern charm shep talking head

Across town, Cameran visits with her lovely mother Bonnie who is sipping on brandy in a cordial glass. This is not paper cup grade alcohol. This woman is the grand dame of southern class and down-to-earth humility. She is the epitome of grace, and I’m not just saying that because once upon a time she taught me which fork to use and how to cross my ankles (if you’re reading this with sarcasm, stop now). Love. Cameran reveals to her mom that she’s been seeing a therapist to deal with her fear of starting a family. When she admits to how terrified she’d be to learn she was pregnant, Bonnie is nothing but supportive. Bonnie urges her daughter to do what is best for her and not succumb to the pressure of what society thinks she should do. Cameran concedes that she wouldn’t be struggling with the decision if Jason didn’t want children, but he does, and they both agree he’d be an amazing father. In the meantime, Bonnie assures Cameran that she’d be content to be the grandmother of a spoiled puppy. 

At their listing, Cameran and Shep are meeting with a potential buyer, and Shep quickly hijacks the showing with his twenty dollar words like “parquet” and “acoustic.” Cameran tries her best to steer the meeting in the right direction, but after Shep brings up the war of Northern aggression and those Union soldier “scoundrels,” Cameran has to pull Shep’s foot out of his mouth in front of their Northern client. Not taking the hint, Shep still tries to take the lead by educating the Yankee (my dad is one, so I can say that, plus, you know, sarcasm) on everything the master bath is not. The client is not amused, and upon his departure, Cameran expresses her disappointment in Shep’s “preparation” for this showing. She quickly severs their partnerShep, but hey, they can at least be friends. Ouch. Friend-zoned not once, but twice in the span of 10 television minutes, and ill-prepared for his job? Could Shep be Hashtag New Craig Two Point Oh? 

southern charm trav kathryn family

Thomas and Kathryn are bringing home Saint (they’re calling him Julien), and T-Rav is hoping his son’s moniker will ward off potential wild ways. Kensie is so cute meeting her baby brother, but Thomas rushes out as quickly as he dashed in, with Dawn the nanny joking that it’s back to the good ol’ days of her domestic partnership with Kathryn. You can’t fault T-Rav though…he has friends to see, celebratory cigars to smoke, and bourbon to imbibe. JD, Shep, and that guy with the ponytail are waiting with baited breath for their friend to arrive as Shep hits on the waitress. Thomas is smoking and cheers-ing, and he acknowledges the fact he’s got a son hasn’t quite sunk in yet. Finally, the Ravenel name will continue, a notion Shep finds antiquated. T-Rav circulates pictures of Julien’s sweet lips, tiny hands, and giant balls. He refuses to allow Julien to be subjected to a circumcision. Shep feels sorry for Julien’s high school gym experience. Maybe I should be appalled by the macho conversation, but I’m more disturbed by the screen on Thomas’ iPhone. He’s got to slice his fingertips at least three times a day, right? RIGHT??

Shep and Whitney are dining at Rarebit, and Shep contemplates if he’d feel guilty eating a lamb sandwich. Consuming baby sheep is kind of mean, but it’s got great reviews, so bring it on, bartender! Shep recaps their celebratory drinks with T-Rav, adding that he’s been dumped by Bailey. Whitney isn’t surprised. He doesn’t think Shep has ever been in love…he’s only pined for those he can’t have. Whitney makes subtle digs about Shep having his P in every V inside the 526 loop, but Shep counters that Whitney is ten years his senior (read: old), and he’s just now recognized the perks of settling down with one woman at least for the sake of the show. Meanwhile, Kathryn and Dawn are discussing Thomas’ Darlington-style pit stop in bringing home baby, and Kathryn accepts T-Rav’s desire to go out with his friends instead of staying with Julien. She’s realized if she wants a relationship to work with her children’s father, she can’t stifle his true nature. 

southern charm shep scared

Landon Clements is working on her travel web magazine when she receives a call from Shep. Is it okay if he stops by with some wine? She feels very vulnerable around Shep now that she’s admitted to maybe having a crush, and she’s nervous of the outcome if she crosses the friendship line. She shouldn’t worry. Clearly, nothing is ever awkward with Shep and the ladies, and she could come to him wearing a Varsity Blues style bikini, and he’d still want to be friends even if he wasn’t in the mood for dessert. Shep tells her that things are kaput with Bailey, and Landon sees her opportunity. She coyly asserts that she was a bit jealous of how serious he was getting with Bailey because she’s been getting the feels about him lately. Shep can’t hide his surprise, but he is able to save his wine (barely). She giggles, and he struggles to make heads or tails of her admission of love. He had no idea Landon had any feelings for him, and he handles it like a true gentleman. Shep seems genuinely flattered, albeit shocked, and when he can’t compose a response, he just chugs his wine and bids her a good night. He is the overly smiley emoji, and I’ll never use that emoji again without making sure it’s in Shep’s given context. Landon is disappointed. She wasn’t expecting to become the Rachel McAdams to his Ryan Gosling, but she was hoping for more than a “thanks, bud!”

The following day, Landon heads out for her meeting with Vox Media entrepreneur Lockhart. She’s got visuals, and she’s been highlighting her favorite spots in Charleston. While I’m impressed with her logos and photographs, Lockhart bluntly states that he’s disappointed she came to him with paper and hasn’t started building a site. There is no way he can connect her with his investors, unless one of them is Dunder Mifflen, and he curtly shows her to the door. In I’On, Thomas is enjoying his little family, but he’s not putting all his eggs in one basket. He jokingly inquires whether Kathryn is ready for a third, and she retorts she’s ready for a ring. Both agree that if they were always this happy, they’d be able to make a relationship work. She tries to woo him with her domestic skills, and he hopes they can always be friends. T-Rav disses Jennifer Snowden’s influence on Kathryn, saying that he believes her jealousy isn’t healthy for Kathryn. The pair embrace and giggle, and Kensie decides to give her parents some mood lighting, unplugging the table lamp. No worries. The production crew is there, so it’s all good! I joke, but I have to watch these sweet scenes (sans potential electric shock) without giving a second thought to the state of affairs between Kathryn and Thomas now. 

Southern Charm pat

Patricia Altschul has her staff preparing a feast to honor Thomas’ newest arrival. The chef is cooking, Michael the butler is butlering. Somewhere Jillian Michaels is puzzling over when she made a guest appearance on Southern Charm, while Geoffrey and Mr. Belvedere curse the families for which they were unfortunate enough to butler. Vivian Banks never had a Birkin for Geoffrey to carry! Pat realizes without the extra help, she’d be offering up Vienna sausages and martinis. Shep, Craig, Whitney, Thomas, JD, and Patricia’s friend Tommy convene in the parlor to ply T-Rav with gifts. Craig’s pack of Trojans is the most thoughtful. The dining room table is set with Pat’s finest blue china to commemorate the birth of T-Rav’s son, along with a passel of miniature pigs so the other gentlemen don’t feel left out of the fray. The discussion quickly turns to Cooper Ray’s Founder’s Ball, with Patricia plying Tommy for the history of the event. When Tommy jokes it’s a made-up occasion (one they were all quick to attend, of course!), Shep tries to lighten the mood by commandeering Michael’s bell.

The next hot topics are Craig’s employment with JD and Shep’s relationship status. Shep divulges Landon’s recent admission, and Patricia is beyond pleased to hear that Landon bravely confessed her feelings. Shep should be so lucky to land such a catch! As Whitney opines about what a fabulous wife Landon would make, Shep, who accepts he’s shallow as a puddle, quickly changes the subject by complimenting the hostess. Retiring for cordials, Thomas regales in Kathryn’s maternal instincts. JD interjects to ask whether T-Rav will be seeking another paternity test. Thomas responds that a test was done, but the results were inconclusive. Patricia has never known a man who had to have a paternity test done on his child, let alone two! The scandal! Craig reminds Thomas that he’s easily persuaded, and it’s a charming attribute. However, Craig knows that Kathryn was with someone else when Julien was conceived. He wouldn’t be surprised if the baby didn’t belong to Thomas. Way to switch sides, Hashtag New Craig! Or should we call you Swipe Right (or is it left?) Craig? Swiper, no swiping! 

TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? SHOULD THOMAS GET A PATERNITY TEST OR SHOULD HIS FRIENDS BUTT OUT OF HIS BUSINESS? 

[Photo Credit: Bravo]

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