Celebrity Big Brother

So Christmas is over, New Year’s resolutions are still in those baby stages of not being broken, and it is that time of year where you guys send over your finest (?!) celebrities to put in the Celebrity Big Brother mixing pot for thirty days to simmer, annoy, and show us Brits how to do Reality TV.

I have had the pleasure of watching Big Brother for many years (although I’ve still not forgiven you for the offense-to-the-ears intrusion that was Perez Hilton), and we seem to have more and more input from our friends on your side of the ocean, so I thought it only fair I keep you updated on the activities on our side.

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This year, the house is louder (maybe to compete with Perez?) with big, bright colors everywhere. It’s stunning and delightful at first, but I’m guessing would start to feel like a Smurf had thrown up in the kitchen and someone had butchered a unicorn in the bathroom after a few days, and even fewer glasses of champers.  The beds are smaller in size, and a mix of single and double, which apparently is to encourage romance and rudeness. Looking at some of the ‘guest list’ I’m not sure they needed to go to the effort.

Anyway, speaking of which, who will be gracing our screen over the next month?  Allow me to run through who entered the Celebrity Big Brother house less than 12 hours ago.

Celebrity Big Brother

First up representing the USA was ‘Speidi’ – Heidi and Spencer Pratt – wearing their custom made leather jackets, complete with game plans and “here to win” attitudes. They’re apparently trying for a child this year. Hopefully not in the house. That would be far too much. We’re British you know.

Next, a Brit, James Jourdan. He’s a famous (infamous?) professional dancer, whose claim to fame was being sacked from Strictly Come Dancing, or something similar. I think he’s also married to some female dancer from the same show that printed details in her autobiography of doing the deed in said show, although I believe the two incidents are unrelated.

Third in, Jasmine Waltz. Is she yours or ours? Do we fight over whose she’s not?  Famous (over here at least) for a love triangle with our ‘unlucky-in-love’ Brit Glamour model Casey Batchelor and singer from Blue (ex singer? ex-trying-to-be-current?) Lee Ryan. She didn’t come across last time in the best of lights, but seems to be trying to recreate the image this time round – only time (and copious amounts of alcohol) will tell.

And here comes the first twist – the housemates who had featured in the show before (all of the above) move into a separate hidden house and are given the task of Big Brother producers. Their first task was to watch the new housemates and decide who to edit out.

These guys took this job way serious – maybe to do with the fact they were given a pen and paper for notes? Simon Cowell would have been impressed. They decided on the good old ‘marks out of ten’ technique, which would’ve been great except they seemed to tell each other the answers and then copied. Hey ho.

Celebrity Big Brother

Back to the entrants. The first new new (that was intended) housemate was another to Fly the American Flag (whilst wearing the British one), Ray J, a chap famous by his own admission for his penis. Actually, I say penis, he said d**k, but you know, British and all that.

Ray J gets sent to the now empty house, soon to be joined by Bianca Gascoigne. She is famous for being the daughter of English footballer Paul Gascoigne, who in turn, is famous/infamous for either his football skill, crying ability when missing a penalty, or well documented and publicized battle with alcohol. Bianca has flirted with fame herself but so far struggles in her own right, so I’m guessing she will be trying to make a name for herself in the house.

Next, Austin Armacost (think we share him?), who recently split from his husband and was well received by the British public last time. His all-stars Big Brother returnee status takes him into the Producers Lair, to be greeted by his nemesis and publicly declared enemy, Speidi. All parties play nice but you just know that’s a pot simmering away for when manners go out the window.

After that, Colleen Nolan. She is a Brit, and I’m guessing, this year’s mother figure. She comes across as such a lovely lady. Colleen admitted last month that her marriage was in trouble. Obviously taking her own demons into the house, I am hoping that Big Brother doesn’t break her.

James Cosmo enters next. He is British. I’m not sure if I’m more impressed by his involvement in Game of Thrones or the fact he likes Eminem and apparently played Cricket with Sean Connery. I’m not sure why he’s there? Did he get lost? He doesn’t need the fame or aggravation, so maybe his reasoning will come out as we watch.

Celebrity Big Brother - Contestants Enter The House

Stacy Francis (yours) is next. Now, being honest, I’ve never even heard of her before, but according to my friend (the internet), she is Ray J’s ex, argued with Whitney Houston two days before she died (so I’m guessing her sense of timing could be improved), and was on the X-Factor.

My thoughts on Stacy – meh. Clearly the same as ‘The Producers’ as well, as she is chosen to be edited out at the end of the opening show, which means no party and a beige tracksuit. She genuinely looks devastated at the news, but then again, the tracksuit is pretty ugly. Her housemates do try to make her feel better, but the enthusiasm and feeling behind the words are kinda missing, so it looks like she’s going to really battle feeling like the outsider for a while yet.

Guests are slowing up, but Brandon Block, original superstar DJ, is in next (saw him in my clubbing days and was still ridiculously overexcited at his name being announced). Uber casual, and not a care in the world, Brandon joins the newbies, whilst Nicola McLean (British footballer’s wife), who describes her previous stint in the house as the worst experience in her life, enters the producers side.

Jamie O’Hara is next (actual British footballer, as oppose to wife or daughter), who was married to model Danielle Lloyd, and if the press is to believed, has probably gone into the drama-filled Big Brother house for a bit of peace and quiet. As a newbie, he enters the house to the door on the right and makes himself at home.

Celebrity Big Brother

Next, Calum Best, another one we seem to share. He is a bit of a womanizer. I’m wondering how many people he is sharing the house with has also shared body fluids, but I digress. I would have thought he had been put in for the romance, apart from the next Big Brother twist/final guest… his mom!! He had no idea (something I believe when you watched his face showing his libido being crushed in one easy step). Their joyous reunion will have to wait though, as Angie Best‘s newbie status takes her to the house, whilst Calum tries to find his cahones that ran out of the Producers section with her arrival.

And that’s our lot, with rumors that Celebrity Big Brother isn’t finished yet. Only time will tell, but I can’t see this being a quiet series. I look forward to keeping you updated with the goings on this side of the world. Here’s to New Stars v All Stars!

TELL US – DO YOU KEEP UP WITH CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER? THOUGHTS ON THIS CAST AND THE NEW STARS VS ALL STARS THEME?

Photo Credit: Eamonn M. McCormack/Getty Images

AUTHOR – Nicki M.

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