Celebrity Big Brother

Here we go, day one of the Celebrity Big Brother antics and the teasers are showing Speidi (Heidi and Spencer Pratt) up to their normal camera-stealing, attention-loving, drama-craving tricks. Oh, wait… Am I meant to be neutral and unbiased? Oops.

So we left yesterday with beige tracksuit-wearing Stacy Francis being sent to the garden, whilst the All-Stars returned to the house to meet up with the remainder of the Newbies. The house is abuzz with the news that Ray J and Stacy have a history (although unknown as yet what that is), and if she doesn’t have enough reasons to justify her tears and bird-giving, Spencer and Heidi enter the garden to tell Stacy to sit on the specific ‘edited out’ chair and other ‘comforting’ pearls of wisdom (must be neutral…must be neutral…think happy thoughts…).

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Heidi then manages to baffle minds by asking James Cosmo who he is (seriously???), because obviously The Hills was far bigger than Game of Thrones (deep breaths…special place). James C is still wondering around looking a bit bewildered. What IS he doing here? Did he pop out for milk and get lost? Will he be asking Momma Nolan for a tin of baked beans and a pint of semi-skimmed?

STOP THE PRESS: We have our first deep moment of the series in the diary room, Stacy explaining about the unhappiness of her history with Whitney Houston, and more importantly, her feelings of betrayal that Ray J did nothing to support her when she was being vilified for wrong argument, wrong time. Sympathy kind of fades when she suddenly bursts into song like something out of Annie after explaining this. Maybe its X-Factor training? Let’s not waste an opportunity, eh?

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AND THEN BACK TO NORMAL: Spencer is getting far too deep in his role of producer. I’m hoping he’s drunk. There’s no excuse for this type of talk sober. He decides to tell other people that they can’t talk to Stacy as she’s been edited out, then tells Stacy that she should be grateful for him as he is the only person choosing to speak to her. Say what? Is this guy for real?

Thankfully, Stacy sees the game he’s playing, and we cut to Austin Armacost in the Diary room saying that whilst he was willing to give them a chance, he’s already seen Spencer being a ‘d*ckhead’ and guesses it won’t be long before Heidi does the same. They have only been in the house a few hours, and Austin notes that they are already trying to separate the house.

Cut to Spencer in the house talking about retiring his ‘split personality disorder,’ and Stacy makes the mistake of taking the bait. As soon as she does, Heidi jumps into husband-defending mode and we have a little bit of verbal tussling. Stacy holds her own, despite the earlier tears and her obvious feeling of isolation from the others.

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Ray J decides to bring up the sex tape in the Diary Room whilst complaining that people keep asking about the sex tape. Is it just me that sees the irony in this? He wants people to see past his past (‘scuse the pun), he says, whilst talking about the past. Someone needs to have a word.

The producers are gathered again. They have been told to nominate another newbie housemate to be edited out. James C is unanimously nominated as the person least likely to be upset by the vote. Dude just wants his milk. James dresses in the obligatory beige tracksuit (WTH?) and looks for his beans.

COMPLETELY OFF CONVERSATION: I don’t want to imply anything about intellectual expectations of the celebs, but someone behind the scenes has decided there is a need to label the Tumble Dryer – in HUGE letters. You know, just in case they thought it was something else, like a kettle or whatever.

Celebirty Big Brother

Anyway, Speidi openly declare war on Stacy and her ‘attitude’ whilst in the Diary Room (like we didn’t see that coming).

The doors to the store cupboard and bedroom are opened and the standard rush for booze and beds starts. Stacy and Speidi have a little hissy fit again. Stacy is starting to grow on me…until she calls Austin ‘The Gay Boy’ when discussing who’ll share a bed with him. I’m not entirely sure if it was meant negatively or not, but good ol’ James Jordan cut that convo off right where it belonged.

We finish the show with various conversations about how nice, or not, Speidi actually are, and the traumas of going for a shower with cameras. How they didn’t think of this before now I don’t know. Maybe the crew didn’t put a label on it. The night closes on a happy and peaceful night, and there ends day one in the house. Here’s looking forward to the fun and games of day two…

Photo Credit: YouTube

AUTHOR: NICKI M.

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