Things begin with a sauced up and (spray on hair'd up) Joe Gorga charging the brother-in-law who destroyed his life, Joe Giudice. These people are the living embodiment of a soap opera, only not as devious and calculating. Except for Melissa… So anyway, Poison charges at Juicy and unfortunately Juicy immediately drops him and begins punching him.
Poor Melissa Gorga leaps on top of Juicy to try and pry him away from her precious little husbanito. "Teresa, help your brother!" she screams.
Teresa Giudice is gonna help alright - girlfriend is grabbing her purse, hightailing it out of there, and telling the producers to call the cops. Fire up that party bus cause mama is fleeing the coop! Just kidding, a panicked Teresa bellows to someone to call the cops. Doesn't Juicy have enough felonies?! Do not call the cops, but do get the mace! Or at least some Fabellini to subdue these people.
Back inside fight club, it takes all of the remaining Gorgadice (and Wallpaper) family members to pry Juicy off of Poison. Or Poison off Juicy – I really couldn't tell who was up and who was down at that point, except Melissa, who was shrieking and scratching.
Melissa Gorga calls this incident the families' "rock bottom" – and let's all hope it's upwards from here! "Welcome to rock bottom. We hit it hard in this episode, and it was NOT a soft landing, believe me," she begins in her Bravo Blog.
Apparently the retreat was supposed to be relaxing and inviting, but since Teresa was there it was creepy and deranged. American Horror Story Asylum anyone? "Joe and I were skeptical about the retreat from the start. I know that everyone wanted us to walk in, put on a happy face and say that everything would be okay, but that’s just not reality." Melissa describes.
"There have been too many times when we put a band-aid on our issues with Teresa [Giudice], and we would always fall back to the same negative place. We decided if we were going to go to this retreat, we weren’t going to be fake. We didn’t want to throw a blanket on the problems that were hurting our family."
After mentioning it in her book everyone on this here very earth seems to believe Albert Manzo likes his ladies on the side… like in the apartment he keeps at The Brownstone. With Caroline angling to move to a Hoboken apartment this season and Albert being perfectly content to never see her again stay where he is, Caroline is again being plagued by cheating rumors!
Caroline explains that sure, Albert may have cheated, but what if she cheated too?
Brandi Glanville has emerged as the unlikely heroine of scorned girls as of late. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star, who was originally cast as a fake friend Lisa Vanderpump's nemesis Cedric, managed to turn herself into the break out star of the show and gain a ton of fans by being the voice of truth – and the voice of wine!
Brandi has never held back and lets all her secrets (and lady bits!) hang out, publicly battles with her ex-husband and his mistress-turned-wife on twitter, and will say whatever is on her mind concerning her own life and the lives of her co-stars! It hasn't always won her friends, but I think we can all agree that it's won her some hearts!
Well all her crazy drunken drama may be paying off. Literally! According to Star Magazine Brandi is next in line on the Bravo spinoff factory. Brandi is reportedly in "top secret" meetings with the network to determine what direction a potential new show will take, but it will definitely represent Brandi's eclectic, crazy, drama-filled life - mistakes an all – as she tries to balance dignity with fun.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta star is accused of involving ex-con Angela in the ring and then bailing on her 'friend' when she needed a good attorney. Anyway, they were due to head to court but things got delayed because after Angela's original attorney dumped her she hired a new one she found through a late-night TV commercial and filed a counter suit against Phaedra!
Angela is accusing Phaedra of defamation because Phaedra called her a liar. Angela currently provides no proof of Phaedra's alleged criminal involvement in her book, Lies of A Real Housewife, by the way.
The new mom shed 50 lbs of baby weight since having Lorenzo last year. She's also gotten some serious veneers and some kinda face work done, it appears!
Snooki is adamant that she lost the weight through hard work: eating right and plenty of exercise. And proving just how hard she's working the Snooki & JWoww star is sharing her diet and exercise secrets along with dishing on being a new mom!
One secret – laying off the booze, but the biggest trick is hitting the gym. "It's a part of my life – being fit is [a priority],” Snooki says. “First [it] was partying, now it's my son and working out."
Mama June the matriarch of the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo fam has just announced that there will be no more pageants. But what reason do I have to watch the show if not for June belting out "Shake It, Smoochie!" in the audience?!
Apparently Honey Boo Boo is so busy pursuing a career in reality TV that the reason she became famous – pageantry – is just too time consuming! Bummer.