Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was pretty boring. And by boring I mean tragic. And deafening. Gretchen Rossi tried to sing but she forgot to bring the big, pink plastic handbag holding her autotune with her. Oh the results were more tragic than a Made in Sweatshop plasticine Gretchen Christine handbag. Also plastic her face and now her lips. We'll discuss in a minute…
Moving on to other adventures in RHOC things, are still a mess betweenVicki Gunvalson and Brooks. And by a mess I mean Vicki's life and hair are sadly reflecting her inner life. Get a brush and comb things out. Seriously – get a smoothing serum too. And call Dr. V.
So let's begin… Gretchen has returned from Whistler and her friendship with Tamra Barney is as frozen and icy as her face. Did I mention her hair doesn't move either but it permanently looks wind swept? How? Mystery of science if I've ever seen one. Let's call Myth Busters!
Alright I'm just gonna put this out there, I don't follow Big Brother. I think I may need to start… the drama, oh the drama!
So there's been a lot of seriously unfortunate drama this season. Not the fun, ridiculous drama that usually encapsulates a reality television show but some nasty racism and homophobic drama that luckily is getting the fans riled up.
The newly evicted 23-year-old bragged about hooking up with fellow houseguest Kaitlin Barnaby, where he described her lady box in some disgusting ways (he also referred to female house guests as "bitches"). Despite those unsavory remarks, Jeremy insists he's pretty innocent and defends himself against accusations that he is racist or homophobic!
LuAnn reveals that the show is still filming. "It's actually been really good," she shares with WetPaint. "You know, this season, I'm friendly with people I never thought I'd be friendly with. There are a lot of changes in alliances." She won't reveal how things stand with Pinot, however!
Shahs of Sunset has been busy filming their third season. With last season ending in what seemed like a hot mess of fractured friendships (and Reza Farahan's atrocious treatment of Mercedes Javid) this season has been slated for a more positive direction.
Sadly, it's also slated for a whole new slew of made-for-TV manufactured products. Let the Bravo Home Shopping Network commence. Which means we get to see Asa Soltan Rahmati launching the much anticipated Diamond Water. We all laughed… And then it became a reality!
Evoking us to "manifest our destiny" reality television's own Persian Pop Priestess has gotten herself another job. Purifier, as in water purified with diamonds. Oh help me – you're not even rich. Asa hosted a huge launch party for her product this week which was attended by the Shah's crew (except it doesn't seem like MJ was there…) and Bravo cameras. A whole host of photos are below!
TamaraTattles got the scoop on what else we can expect for the rest of the season.
Things begin with a sauced up and (spray on hair'd up) Joe Gorga charging the brother-in-law who destroyed his life, Joe Giudice. These people are the living embodiment of a soap opera, only not as devious and calculating. Except for Melissa… So anyway, Poison charges at Juicy and unfortunately Juicy immediately drops him and begins punching him.
Poor Melissa Gorga leaps on top of Juicy to try and pry him away from her precious little husbanito. "Teresa, help your brother!" she screams.
Teresa Giudice is gonna help alright - girlfriend is grabbing her purse, hightailing it out of there, and telling the producers to call the cops. Fire up that party bus cause mama is fleeing the coop! Just kidding, a panicked Teresa bellows to someone to call the cops. Doesn't Juicy have enough felonies?! Do not call the cops, but do get the mace! Or at least some Fabellini to subdue these people.
Back inside fight club, it takes all of the remaining Gorgadice (and Wallpaper) family members to pry Juicy off of Poison. Or Poison off Juicy – I really couldn't tell who was up and who was down at that point, except Melissa, who was shrieking and scratching.
Melissa Gorga calls this incident the families' "rock bottom" – and let's all hope it's upwards from here! "Welcome to rock bottom. We hit it hard in this episode, and it was NOT a soft landing, believe me," she begins in her Bravo Blog.
Apparently the retreat was supposed to be relaxing and inviting, but since Teresa was there it was creepy and deranged. American Horror Story Asylum anyone? "Joe and I were skeptical about the retreat from the start. I know that everyone wanted us to walk in, put on a happy face and say that everything would be okay, but that’s just not reality." Melissa describes.
"There have been too many times when we put a band-aid on our issues with Teresa [Giudice], and we would always fall back to the same negative place. We decided if we were going to go to this retreat, we weren’t going to be fake. We didn’t want to throw a blanket on the problems that were hurting our family."
After mentioning it in her book everyone on this here very earth seems to believe Albert Manzo likes his ladies on the side… like in the apartment he keeps at The Brownstone. With Caroline angling to move to a Hoboken apartment this season and Albert being perfectly content to never see her again stay where he is, Caroline is again being plagued by cheating rumors!
Caroline explains that sure, Albert may have cheated, but what if she cheated too?