Good lord last night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was a rare and special breed of ridiculous, wasn't it? So the Gorgadice families went on some silly retreat to put their problems behind them and rebuild. Except it was more passive aggressive blaming and whining from everyone! Yay for something new and exciting.
Things begin over at Casa de Gorga, amid the crumbling faux marble and the collapsing gold-plate archways they are preparing for the big retreat. Melissa Gorga and Poison are doing their vacation dance ritual and getting into the groove by busting some J. Faux moves and encouraging their kids to dance. "Stripper in the house," Poison bellows as his three-year-old twerks, while daddy erratically humps and grinds the air. Yeah! Shake your moneymaker kids. Great parenting…
Antonia helps mommy pack and decides among the must haves are a bible and a stuffed unicorn. Makes sense, unicorns because it would be an absolutely fairy tale to imagine these families getting along. And a bible because you never know who may need an exorcism on a RHONJ trip. All signs point to Teresa!
Alright Real Housewives of New Jersey lovers, tonight the shizz is about to go. down. And I really mean it cause it would appear that the Joew on Joew action gets ruthless. Oh Bravo – keeping it classy as always!
Before we get to all that hot messitude, Caroline Manzo is here to answer fans' burning questions. Burning like gonorrhea? In a new interview Caroline says that fan questions is what led to her writing a book and she tried to address their inquiries in the self-help/tell-all Let Me Tell You Something…
We're still talking 'bout Caroline's book? Isn't that old news at this point and being eclipsed by Kathy's upcoming cookbook?
The latest lady to release a book is Kathy Wakile! Wallpaper just announced that her dessert cookbook INDULGE: Delicious Little Desserts —75 Recipes that Keep Life Real Sweet (from St. Martin's Press) will feature a slew of “user-friendly” recipes for the whole family.
Yesterday the ladies squared off around Andy Cohen to scream, torture, and accuse each other while glammed to the hilt. I think the impossible costumes help keep them angry.
Heather Dubrow shared some photos of her reunion look on instagram. And Vicki Gunvalson had a little warning for nemesis Lauri Peterson, who of course made an appearance to defend her accusations. "It's go time @LaurifromRHOC !!"
Vicki summed up her experience with the following tweet:
I wonder if Brooks showed up? Or if they are still broken up?!
After a loooong hiatus where the show regrouped following an extremely negative season 4 the fifth season finally premieres this August. As previously reported Royce Reed and Jennifer Williams are not returning. In their place is Tasha Marbury, wife of former NY Nicks player Stephon Marbury.
So apparently Kim DePaola has found herself in the middle of a drama vortex again. If she ever puts out a song (DO NOT GET ANY IDEAS, KIM!) she should totally call it "Drama Vortex" cause she lives in one!
Kimaccused Jennifer of making "terroristic threats" against her. Well, of course, Jennifer of the alleged terroristic threats wasn't going to ignore that so she fired back with some terrorisitic-ist threats (aka lawsuit) on twitter. Which of course prompted Kim to explode.
Unfortunately for Bravo, no one much cared about Melissa's ex-bridesmaid's vendetta or Teresa Giudice's tacit agreement that maybe, possibly, perhaps Melissa never left the Lookers lifestyle cheated! Ratings remained steady from last week, bringing in 2.1 million viewers again. I predict a whole lot more of you will be tuning in to see the big Joew vs Joew brawl; aka Poison Vs. Jr. Mafia Joew: Riot At The Retreat.
"Just start taping season 6 of RHOA," he announced this weekend including a striking photo of him with his wife Cynthia Bailey. I guess that means Cynthia is back for another round! All of last season's cast is reportedly returning with Bravo in talks to rotate in at least one "part-time" 'Friend of the Housewives'.
We have to wonder if Denzel Washington will be filming a spot for RHOA since he made an appearance at BarOne this weekend! Maybe he's Krayonce's newest pretend man… kidding, kidding, TOTALLY KIDDING! Lord I hope Denzel doesn't besmirch his reputation with Housewives!