I guess we've been spoiled by Duck Dynasty and the Robertson family, and I'm certainly alright with that. However, imagine my sadness when I realized that last night we were just treated to one new episode instead of the two to which we've grown accustomed. Granted, it was hilarious, but I can always use a full hour of the Roberston boys. Phil, Si, Willie, and Jase bring a balance to my week, and I'm forever grateful to them for it!
I have to say that Missy stole my heart when she decided that "Jason" (who's that? haha!) needed a wedding band. We all know he'd never stray, she just wanted an outward symbol of their marital bond. Can you blame her? Of course not! And when hilarity ensues (like it always does with the boys from Duck Commander), you've gained my attention!
Missy takes Jase to Grassi's Fine Jewelry determined to put a ring on it. Beyonce wishes she were there too, without a doubt. Jase likens ring shopping to fishing when you don't have a good lure. He admits that he lost his initial wedding band over twenty years ago, but that's okay because when women see him, they run. Unfortunately, that statement isn't a compliment to sweet Missy. The pair look at bands, and Jase is hoping to find something that won't make him the laughing stock of the warehouse.
Hey, y'all! Remember last week's Dance Moms when Abby Lee Miller was slightly supportive of her dancers? Yeah, that was short lived! Last night's episode had a bitter Abby back to wreck her talented troupe's self-esteem. Good times!
The girls and moms enter the studio, and Abby is actually happy and proud of the girls' performance at last week's competition. This week, the dancers are headed to compete in Michigan. During the pyramid, Brooke is on the bottom, and Abby is livid that she talked to Nia when she forgot her routine. Abby gets even angrier when Kelly laughs at her daughter's mishap, and she dismisses Brooke from for the competition. MacKenzie is also on the bottom for not resting her injured foot. Nia's outstanding Rosa Parks performance is also on th bottom, and all Abby can say is that Rosa herself would have been proud. So then why is she on the bottom? Kendall rounds out the bottom. Chloe and Paige are on second row for a winning duet. Maddie is on top, and Abby believes she deserves a standing ovation.
Kendall receives a solo, and Abby wants her to work on stamina. Chloe also gets a solo. She has the two run in place silently. Maddie will be dancing a duet with sister MacKenzie entitled "Run From Mother." The group routine is called "Gold Digga" but that is all the information that Abby is willing to give. Abby explains to the girls exactly what a gold digger is. In the viewing area, Melissa is sporting a wedding band and reveals that she was married the previous Monday in the dress the moms picked out for her. Kelly gushes that she was able to keep the secret given that Paige was in attendance at the ceremony. Melissa shares camera phone shots of the nuptials.
The stars and pros have several weeks to get that first dance together. Then, the stars have only five days to learn dance number two, and it usually shows. For some, however, just getting that first dance out of the way is all it takes to ditch the nerves and get their dance on. This week's scores and votes will be combined with the votes and scores from last week's season 16 premiere, and then we'll say goodbye to one star on tonight's results show.
Jive: Sean and Peta's lifeguard and beach babe inspired jive is corny and under whelming. I find that I'm way more fascinated by Peta's high-rise bathing suit than I am by Sean's anything footwork. A color-coordinated Catherine is in the audience again. Sean's Bachelor fan base will keep him going for a few weeks, but he has absolutely no shot at taking home the trophy.
I have to say the first installment of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion was pretty low-key. There were some revelations, some serious bitchery, and there was Lisa Vanderpump holding court as the resident queen as Andy Cohen all but got down on his knees to laud her. There was a for-real fight over Lisa's affection, which I found truly amusing.
Things begin with Andy taking Adrienne Maloof to task in a verbal smackdown about how Adrienne's final act as a Housewife was one of defiance. Andy basically pointed his finger in her face and said: "Big mistake. Huge!" But Adrienne don't care. Once she got her walking papers she decided to give ol' Andy the final snub.
Andy makes all the ladies break down surrogate-gate and if they think Adrienne should have shown up to face her demons. The consensus is why go on reality TV if you have secrets. Yes, why indeed Rambles Richards? Why go on reality TV with secrets and then blame your castmates for outing them; claiming they have ruined your life? Good question!
This may sound a bit odd, but I've taken to thinking of Teen Mom 2 (actually the entire franchise) as MTV's personal Truman Show. It's not true, it's just the network's way of punking everyone everywhere. In fact, it's getting to be the only way I can rationalize these girls and their unapologetically abhorrent behavior (that includes you, Farrah Abraham!). It has to be some sort of joke or satirical take on modern society, right?
In my head, Jenelle Evans is using this as her doctoral thesis, and Leah Messer Sims Calvert is planning to use her footage to create a poignant yet ironic documentary on the importance of self-esteem and the teenage girl. Kailyn Lowry is working undercover to fix glitches in the family court that allow one parent to abuse the legal system just to get back at the ex who scorned them…she's good at her job, by the way. Finally, Chelsea Houska is having the last laugh, as she's actually fluent in eight languages (whining is the ninth!), and she's testing a scientific theory regarding how high pitched and nasally a voice must be before viewers press the mute button. Well played, ladies. Well played. Too bad my alternate Teen Mom universe is just one blogger's sad delusions. :)
So, let's get to last night's episode, shall we? Jenelle is recovering from her boob job, and she can't wait until she's fully recovered so she can spend some time with Jace. Sadly, that won't happen until the poor child is at least eighteen. Gary is taking good care of her, and Jenelle wants to talk about three things: 1) Kieffer; 2) what Gary thinks of her new ta-tas; and 3) Kieffer. Oh, wait… Kieffer has been texting Jenelle, and Gary isn't willing to lose his "career" to fight with such a loser if he decides to come visit. He'd rather get back to checking out Jenelle's new rack.
Last night on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills finale, Lisa Vanderpump's lovely vow renewal/housewarming party was infiltrated by some serious thugs in cocktail dresses.Adrienne Maloof showed up not six minutes after announcing her separation on TMZ and then she sat in the middle of the party like a centerpiece bawling about the marriage she openly hated on national television. If only that Paul Nassif wasn't such a desperate attention seeking jerk!
Everyone thought Adrienne's eleventh hour appearance was a cry for attention, except for Kyle Richards who believed it to be a cry for help since Adrienne couldn't answer her phone that day unless your number was 1-800-TMZ1!
And Faye Resnick. Yes, she's STILL there. Once Brandi Glanville and Yolanda Foster flee her admonitions of how to be a lady, they hide behind a column and fill Lisa in on the nonsense. Lisa is not impressed. Marisa Zanuck comes over to get clarification on what a hallpass is and the ladies manage to resolve their issues. Things go much better in the shade than they do the blinding sun; the blinding glares were reflecting off Faye's extra-taut skin giving everyone temporary insanity.
Faye is hereby dubbed MC for short. MC, of course, stands for Morally Corrupt. Long-live the real Camille Grammer, never a girl to mince words and never a girl who forgets to be pernicious. I do believe Camille's smirking S1 Dinner Party From Hell face is right next to the definition in the dictionary.
How quickly all good things come to an end! I had no clue that we are just one episode away from the season finale of Love & Hip Hop. Thank goodness. Basically, at this point, the show is only focusing on two tumultuous relationships and a potential prison term. Everyone else is just along for their five minutes of screen time every other week. You all know who I mena mean!
The episode begins with Raqi Thunda heading to Olivia Longott's performance in hopes of finding Tahiry Jose to apologize. She explains that Joe Budden wants her to mend fences, but after a half-baked apology, they are yelling at each other. Ahhh, maturity.
At home, Yandy Smith is snuggling with little Mendeecees and baby Amir while Mendeecees, Senior looks on happily. They share their engagement news with the little guy, and he's excited about having Yandy in the family. Sure, he's only seven, but VH1 made sure he was over the moon upon hearing the news. There is no doubt about it–Mendeecees produces some precious children.