Recaps

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I never thought I’d say this but the best thing about last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills reunion was Erika Jayne-Girardi patting the puss. Aside from that it was all journeys all the time from the Yolanda Foster Files, which has more confusing story lines than The X Files (which actually isn’t too much of a stretch in the weirdness department!).

Lisa Vanderpump is wearing battle armor designed by Tom Ford. Initially it sounds like he made it for her, specifically, but then Andy notices Erika was wearing “the shirt version” in her interview talking head. The color looks better on LVP. Not wanting us to forget that she’s chronically ill – for even a moment!!! – Yolanda’s dress resembles bandages and medical gauze. I’m surprised she wasn’t wheeled out on a stretcher with Daisy insisting Glam Squads cause co-infections. Maybe her seat on the couch reclines? 

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dance moms mackenzie maddie

Wait, I’m confused…Dance Moms is going to go on without Maddie? Do you hate us that much, Phil Collins? In the wake of Melissa’s announcement, the ALDC team wants to soak up the last few weeks they have with Maddie and MacKenzie. While they’re obviously sad to see them leave (at least the girls are), it’s clear that everyone is excited for what’s to come in Maddie’s skyrocketing career. Jill believes that even though she’s not showing her true feelings, Abby Lee Miller is secretly seething over the news. In other new, Jill is a candidate for MENSA. 

At pyramid, Abby rakes her team over the coals for a second place group number, but it’s a step up from not placing the week before. JoJo is on the bottom, and she jokes that she’s been on the bottom a lot lately. This child’s attitude is everything, but Jessalyn objects to JoJo’s placement–she worked hard and did well last week! Abby rips JoJo’s picture from the pyramid, yelling, “We’ll move her!” before placing her at the top of the pyramid and laughing. JoJo is thrilled. Jessalyn is thankful Abby didn’t throw her daughter’s head shot on the ground and stomp on it. If I were everyone in the studio, I’d be slowly backing away…it’s clearly a sign that Abby’s about to go totally loco. Brynn is now the bottom-most dancer for not dancing, with MacKenzie on her heels for not showing enough emotion in her duet with Nia. When MacKenzie tears up, Abby warns her not to be a crybaby. Emotions are only for the stage! Speaking of, Nia’s dancing was emotional and beautiful, but only third rung of the pyramid awesome. Kendall, Maddie, and Kalani make up the second tier in that order. She praises them all.

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teen-mom-2-javi

We barely saw Corey Simms on last night’s episode of Teen Mom 2 – even Nathan Griffith had more air time than him! – but other than that, last night’s episode was centered on dads, the old, the new, the steps, and the born again.

Chelsea Houska wants to replace Aubree’s old dad, Adam Lind, with new dad, Cole DeBoer. Adam accepts Cole as Aubree’s step-dad, but refuses to be ousted as DAD. Isaac’s step-dad, Javi Marroquin, is about to leave for a six month deployment, and dad, Jo Rivera, is prepared to help Kailyn Lowry. Jenelle Evans considers letting Nathan see his son, while she celebrates her birthday in New York with David Eason, who has a couple of kids of his own. And Leah Messer is getting along especially well with Addie’s dad, Jeremy Calvert. She thinks there may be a new spark with her old flame, which would conveniently spare her from having a fourth kid with a third man.

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Real Housewives Of Dallas Mad Hatter's Tea

Real Housewives Of Dallas is sending mixed messages: is this show about poop or charity? I don’t think they go together unless the charity has something to do with colonoscopies. Also, the ladies are so immature! Am I watching Real Housewives Of Kindergarten? If the rest of the season is going to be bathroom humor (teeheehee) with LeeAnne Locken pursing her lips and growling over charity, then someone needs to get their poopin’ potootie back into the editing room! 

The drama between LeeAnne and Brandi Redmond has grown legs – specifically Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader legs. LeeAnne and Brandi’s mutual friend Marie, the woman who hosted the charity event where Brandi and LeeAnne argued, invites Brandi to show her daughter some DCC dance moves. (Has anyone ever watched that Cowboys cheerleader reality show on CMT? GUILTY PLEASURE!).

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Southern Charm recap

I no longer dread Mondays thanks to the dear cast members of Southern Charm. Whether they are unpacking wedding gifts in the eleventh hour to host a dinner party or channeling their inner Knight Rider to escape a polo match, there is something mesmerizing about this crew. That said, while I love the light-hearted friendships and silly situations, the darkness that is starting to overshadow the show is sad. These are real people. Y’all know that…you follow them on social media! Let’s get started with last night’s recap, shall we? 

As the charmers prepare for another day in the Holy City, Craig Conover is channeling his inner Ryan Serhant with his monochromatic shirt and tie combo. He’s hoping to beat JD into the office because HashtagNewCraig is a go-getter. Across town, Shepard “Shep” Rose is facetiming with his mom and relishing in being a home owner. Not only is he glad to not be bunking at Sullivan’s with Whitney Sudler-Smith, the ladies dig his home ownership. It makes Shep look like he’s got his shiz together…and that’s going to be important if he expects the city’s Board of Architectural Review to green light an above-ground pool and bar on his roof. 

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Shahs of Sunset recap

Last week, we watched what the Shahs of Sunset do what they do best – throw expensive parties and drink too much. This week, we are starting to see how each cast member’s story line will shape up over the course of the season.

Reza Farahan ponders how to surprise-marry his jilted groom, Adam Neely. Mercedes “MJ” Javid gives us a glimpse into her relationship with the loud-talking, derrière-loving Tommy Feight, who will put a ring on it this season (hopefully on camera). Asa Soltan Rahmati starts yet another business, blessed by essential oils and herbs. Mike Shouhed and Jessica Parido already show cracks in their marriage, which Mike thinks he can fix with money once his new shoe line launches. Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi continues her downward spiral of bad behavior, fueled by alcohol and rage while Shervin Roohparvar tries in vain to contain her.

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Full-Cast-Husbands-Reunion-Real-Housewives-of-Potomac 

Now that we’ve had a week to let the tragic stylings and whack accusations of The Real Housewives of Potomac Reunion, Part 1 sink in, I’d say we’re ready for the “mute” points to keep flyin’ on Part 2! The ladies are joined this week by two husbands who have a beef of their own over Karen Huger’s lady bits, and who does and does not want to see them (hint: no one. The answer is…NO one.).

Before we get to the hubby drama, Andy Cohen reintroduces the ladies of Potomac. Last seen, Robyn Dixon was calling for “SECURRRRRITY!” to stop her from beating Katie Rost’s petulant behind with her bedazzled shoe. Still heated as Katie continually cuts her off, Robyn shrugs, “F-k it!” then offers a “This b*tch” under her breath before continuing. 

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Real Housewives of New York recap

Last night’s fable from Real Housewives Of New York taught us a valuable lesson about the bounds of friendship when it comes to Dorinda Medley. Warning: Do not tell Dorinda anything about John – she’s a grown woman who can Nair her man’s back if she wants to. 

The episode awakens amid the chaotic domestic scene of Jules Wainstein‘s morning. I presume the live-in nanny doesn’t do childcare before 9am? Jules struggles to make coffee for husband Michael, then announces she’s eating half his breakfast, and then puts both kids in the bathtub, even though they’re perilously perched on being late to school – as always. Not that Jules cares. Paying tuition entitles her to reinvent the clock, so she can be an hour late everyday if she wants to. It’s Jules‘ world and we’re all living on Jules time – it’s hair flip o’clock somewhere! 

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