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Teen Mom

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Farrah Abraham's "desperate to be famous" publicity tour continues. Lucky us! 

This week, Farrah dissed fellow Teen Mom star Catelynn Lowell, shared her current thoughts on James Deen (you do not want to miss this!), and revealed that she's thisclose to a new reality TV show (you will most likely want to miss that!).

A few Teen Mom stars tweeted their thoughts after Farrah Superstar was released, and Catelynn wrote, "All I have to say is, she sounds like a dying horse!!" Now, Farrah responded, "Catelynn has a weight issue, but I don't say harsh things about her to hurt her self-esteem."

Huh? Calling out a young woman's issues with weight is, what? Meant to encourage? 

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Surely Jenelle Evans deserves to have a courtroom (or at least a bathroom!) named in her honor at the Brunswick County Courthouse, right?  The Teen Mom 2 star certainly spends enough time there.  Her attorney Dustin Sullivan needs some kind of award!

Jenelle was back in court again Tuesday to face the heroin possession charges and assault claims (among others, of course!) that she and hubby Courtland Rogers were arrested for on April 23.  This girl is never going to learn, and it's tragic.

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Goodness gracious. Does Farrah Abraham ever just stay home and read a book? It feels like she's been crying about being single, bitching about life in general, and justifying her sex tape for years. and years. and years. now. 

In a recent interview with ET, the former Teen Mom star revealed yet another supposed reason behind her personal video Farrah Superstar, "I have no relationships and I'm, like, sad sometimes. So, taking all this into consideration, which some find it hard to, that's what brought me here today."

Similarly, Farrah uploaded a Keek video last week, where she also bellyached about being sad. In an attempt to garner sympathy, Farrah cried about only dating "loser a** boys" who use, lie, and manipulate, adding that she's been "crying every night" because she has been "single and alone" for four years.  

What Farrah fails to realize (and probably never will) is that she is the reason she's alone. She's an insufferable, narcissistic bitch who treats everyone in her life like they're beneath her. But, you know, that's just my opinion. ;) 

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Could Farrah Abraham be the next Kim Kardashian?

I really hope not. I seriously doubt that many people will ever care to Keep Up With The Abrahams. However, for reasons I'll never understand, a lot of people cared to Keep Up With Farrah's Backdoor.

Whole. Body. Shudder. For real. 

According to TMZ's sources, Farrah's video, Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom, attracted more than two million viewers in just 12 hours. Crazy, right? In comparison, Kim K Superstar garnered a piddly 600,000 views in the same time frame. In response to the news, the former Teen Mom star tweeted:

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Teen Mom 2 has come to an end, and while we don't know if it's forever or just for now, it's time for the cast to talk about their troubles with Dr. Drew Pinsky.

This is Teen Mom, where "promising futures gave way to daily struggles, such as poverty, addiction, family breakdowns, absentee fathers, and revolving door boyfriends," says Dr. Drew. "The pressures and responsibilities of motherhood can be catastrophic." Then, to prove his point, the TV doctor welcomes Leah Messer Simms Calvert, Chelsea Houska, Kailyn Lowry, and Jenelle Evans to the stage and reminds us what happened this season.

Leah flip flopped between Corey Simms and Jeremy Calvert, but her Magic 8 ball ultimately told her to marry Jeremy. Also, Corey and Leah searched for answers for little Ali. Chelsea and Adam Lind hooked up sans birth control but avoided a second pregnancy. Then, hell froze over, and Chelsea realized that Adam is no good for her. #hallelujah

Kail fought with Jo Rivera. Kail fought with Javi Marroquin. Kail fought with anyone with a pulse. Kail and Javi got married… military benefits, yo!… Jenelle left her military man, Gary Head, after he beat her up and reunited with her pot head, Kieffer Delp, after he wooed her with the green hoodie. Sadly, Kieffer introduced Jenelle to heroin. 

Phew. Let the healing begin. 

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Ugh… well errrr… I hope Farrah Abraham was in church to atone for her sins! The former Teen Mom turned sex tape superstar tweeted that she was spending her Cinco de Mayo Sunday with Jesus.

Where she presumably begged the Lord for forgiveness for her naked wrestling antics and chemically influenced driving and incredible delusional rants, right? Probably not. Farrah likely believes the Lord wants her to be happy and she's happiest tangling with James Deen, lying about it, and then spending that money, honey! 

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Sex tapes… drug busts… what would MTV's resident therapist say? 

Well, when that "therapist" is Dr. Drew Pinsky, not a whole lot. Dr. Drew's reaction to the deplorable choices made by Farrah Abraham and Jenelle Evans as of late comes across as less "Woah! Let's get these girls some help!" and more "Woe is me! Nobody listens to me!" 

“If she would have called me for advice, I would have told her not to do this," Dr. Drew said about Farrah's sex tape. “But she is not my patient, she is not my kid."

News Flash, Dr. Drew: Advice is for imperfect people, Farrah is faultless

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Hey y'all…want to know a quick and easy way to pay for culinary school and get your Master's degree?  If you answered "apply for scholarships and student loans" you'd be sorely mistaken.  Take a lesson from Farrah Abraham and achieve these goals by shopping around a manufactured home movie of the adult variety.  Ah, youth.

That's right!  The former Teen Mom wants to make all of her educational dreams come true, and she's now going to be able to make those dreams a reality thanks to a little film called Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom.  Take that, Sallie Mae!  Farrah doesn't need your federal funds to reach her collegiate aspirations.

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