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Teen Mom

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This week on Teen Mom 2, Kailyn Lowry and Jo Rivera begin their court-appointed co-parenting therapy, Leah Calvert and Corey Simms bring Ali to a muscle specialist​, Chelsea Houska's Aubree turns three years old, and Jenelle Evans self-medicates with illegal drugs after becoming depressed.

It's court day for Jenelle and Gary Head (or, as we like to call it, Tuesday), but she has high hopes for the day. Gary admitted to getting physical with Jenelle, so her lawyer, Dustin Sullivan, will charge Gary with assault and request for Jenelle's charges to be dropped. Kieffer Delp nonchalantly asks Jenelle if there's any chance she'll go to jail. It's all good, Jenelle says, because she totally stopped getting high two weeks ago. Kieffer is nervous. Not because he cares about Jenelle, mind you, but  because he needs a place to make his pot pipes.

One hour later, Dustin congratulates Jenelle on another good day in court, revealing that all charges against her have been dropped. Seriously?! Jenelle has more lives than the entire cast of CATS. One thing is for sure, if I ever get in trouble with the law, I'm calling Dustin the Judge Whisperer. 

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Good LORD! Jenelle Evans is back in her home away from home jail. The Teen Mom 2 star was just arrested again! 

Jenelle was arrested by the Brunswick County Sheriff's Department in North Caroline for Heroin Possession and Assault. And just who did she assault? Husband Courtland Rodgers. This comes days after Courtland settled his own case for assaulting Jenelle!

TMZ obtained court documents which declare that police discovered 12 bindles of heroin in the home Jenelle is sharing or inhabiting with Courtland when they responded to a domestic violence call. Jenelle is accused of hitting Courtland with a piece of furniture during the domestic dispute.  

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Newsflash of the day – Farrah Abraham is not to blame for anything. Ever.

After her continued attempts at remaining in the spotlight (DUI, sex tape), this time by appearing on Dr. Phil, Farrah is crying foul (again).  She Tweeted out to tell us haters what fools we are to believe anything that comes out of her mouth, because of course she got paid for the appearance. So it was all lies, duh!

Farrah Tweeted (and immediately deleted):

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Do you hear it? Wait. For. It. Ah, there it is, Farrah Abraham's desperate cry for fame. So sad.

We can only hope that this former Teen Mom star is on the fast track to stardom perusing the classified ads. But, before she succumbs to the horrors of this foreign thing called JOB, Farrah sits down with Dr. Phil to discuss her latest desperate attempts to be relevant again. 

Farrah shares why she chose to appear on 16 and Pregnant, saying, "My ultimate goal, at that time, was to show a struggle, and no matter what, any teen who is pregnant can get through it." Of course, 16 and Pregnant led to Teen Mom, and Farrah goes on to say that being a reality TV star helped her to "step up as a business woman."

Step up, indeed! While Farrah has dabbled in many ventures since Teen Mom, she recently took her first stab at filmmaking. A film of the naughty variety. Details, smetails, Farrah loves to tell tall tales. 

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Geez. Can't a girl orchestrate her own sex tape scandal in peace?

Not if you're Farrah Abraham, apparently, as she's been dealt yet another blow. Um. No pun intended. 

Last week, Farrah's mentally sane mother, Debra, insisted that her daughter would never take part in a "things like that" because she's a good Christian girl. HAHA. The truth came out, of course, and Debra is not taking it well. According to inside sources, Debra and Farrah have been fighting non-stop since James Deen blew up Farrah's game, and now Farrah is outta there! 

It's unclear whether Debra kicked Farrah out of the house or Farrah made the decision on her own; however, the Teen Mom star was seen yesterday moving out her belongings.

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Following in the footsteps of Teen Mom's Farrah Abraham and 16 and Pregnant's Ashley Salazar, Teen Mom 2's Kail Lowry has written a book.

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Although, unlike her peers, Kail's book focuses on her life before she became a teen mom. About the book, Kail tweeted, "Not so much about being a teen mom – more about living with an addict & absent father resulting in where I am now."

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Oh girls of Teen Mom 2, what are we going to do with you?  Last night, Leah Messer Sims Calvert walked down the aisle for a second time in her short life, and Jenelle Evans caused a scene at Jace's third birthday party.  Anyone want to chip in for a Mom-of-theYear trophy with me?  Chelsea Houska celebrated her twenty-first birthday, and Kailyn Lowry got engaged to Javi and Jo let out a sigh of relief that she was now someone else's problem.  Good times, right?

The episode starts with Leah cooking breakfast with her dad, and we learn that she hasn't seen him since she was thirteen.  She tells him what a great provider Jeremy is, and he's happy to be back in his daughter's life.  I wish he'd turn his NASCAR ballcap around so I could see who his favorite driver is.  #rubbinisracin'

Chelsea is moving yet again (what is this…like the fourth time this season alone?), and she takes Aubree to her mom's after daycare.  She's planning for her twenty-first birthday, and her mom offers to watch Aubree so she can celebrate.  Aubree's birthday is not long after Chelsea's, and Chelsea's mom asks if A-D-A-M will be attending her party.  Chelsea turns on the whine and says she doesn't want to talk about him under any circumstances.  Her mom praises her maturity. 

Back with Kieffer, Jenelle is stressed out because her roommate is moving out, and she's short on cash from her boyfriend's mooching ways because her Internet job isn't paying as much as she'd hoped.  She heads to her mom's house to discuss Jace's upcoming third birthday.  Wait, my bad…she really just wants to complain to Barbara about her roommate and collect her mail.  She reveals to her mom that she's dropped out of school due to the stress from her legal troubles with Gary and her boob job…both good reasons.  Jenelle can barely keep her eyes open as she tells her mom that Kieffer is moving in with her.  Barbara tells her daughter that she's planned Jace's party for the following day at a local tumbling Jim.  Jenelle is upset that she didn't get more time to invite her friends, but she warns her mom she will be bringing Kieffer.

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Hey Farrah, have you seen any good movies lately?
 
Grab your popcorn! Farrah Abraham's sex tape shenanigans continue! 
 
This time, however, it's Michael Abraham, Farrah's father, and James Deen, Farrah's penis for hire, who have a few things to say about her botched up attempt to orchestrate her own sex tape scandal the sex tape.
 
When it comes to Farrah's family, it's safe to say, the family that prays together stays delusional together. 
 
First, Farrah's mother Debra Danielson said her good Christian girl would never participate in a sex tape. Then, once Farrah acknowledged the tape's existence, the former Teen Mom star claimed she made it for her personal scrapbook only. In the next breath, however, she started the bids for said tape at $2 million. Now, Farrah's father Michael has gone on record, referring to James as "abusive" and an "opportunist."
 
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