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Teen Mom

Watch out, world!  Farrah Abraham is getting a spin-off!  I know, I know…I probably won't watch it either!  After (finally) saying farewell to the original train wrecks ladies of MTV's Teen Mom, it appears that at least one of them won't be fading into obscurity just yet. 

On the heels of that news, it seems that the only sane couple to come out of this mess will finally be walking down the aisle, as Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra are finally planning that wedding.  Sadly, they sound just a delusional as their counterparts when it comes to saying "I do."

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This is the end of MTV's Teen Mom. The original group, anyway. We still have Jenelle Evans and her buddies on Teen Mom 2 to endure enjoy, as well as a new group to learn to love to hate on Teen Mom 3.  

I'll admit – the Teen Mom series finale left me craving more Teen Mom; however, after watching these reunion "specials," I can honestly say I'm ready to move on. On Part One of the reunion special, which was taped the first weekend of MarchDr. Drew Pinsky talked to Catelynn LowellTyler Baltierra, and Farrah Abraham

Part two brings us the rest of the original cast. Well, almost. Amber Portwood is still at summer camp. <wink, wink>

Maci and Ryan… Sitting in a Tree… 

Before Dr. Drew obsesses about Maci Bookout and Ryan Edwards living happily ever after, he asks Maci about college. She says, "I'm doing good now. After my first two years, I just realized how fast it was going by. I stopped making excuses. Aside from Bentley, that should be the most important thing." Maci adds she is done wasting her time and money. Also, she travels at least once a week to speak to teens about teen pregnancy. 

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Searching for stability, searching for sobriety… a whole lot of searching… and that, my friends, is how Dr. Drew Pinsky sums up the final season of Teen MomThen he welcomes Farrah Abraham, Maci Bookout, and Catelynn Lowell to the reunion special. Amber Portwood is at summer camp and unable to attend the taping. 

When Dr. Drew glosses over Amber's absence, I know that this was taped a while back. I mean, "legal and personal issues" and "voluntary five-year prison term" aren't even in the same ballpark. If the "reunion show" isn't going to be taped in real time, I think it's kind of pointless. 

Before we get into the meat and potatoes of the reunion, ha, who am I kidding? It's Dr. Drew. Let me start again.

Teen Mom Series Finale Recap

Before we get into the limp lettuce and soggy potatoes of the reunion, Dr. Drew reminds us what happened this season on Teen Mom, as if it isn't already permanently burned into our brains. (I'll show you my scar tissue, if you show me yours.) Alas, the highlights…

Amber and Gary Shirley fight. Amber enters rehab after she threatens suicide. Rehab takes away Amber's fake eyelashes and spray tan but not her drugs. Amber goes home. Amber and Gary fight. Gary gets sole custody of Leah.

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For the past three years, we've been following the lives of Catelynn LowellMaci BookoutFarrah Abraham, and Amber Portwood, starting with 16 and Pregnant. Tuesday night's series finale of Teen Mom marked the end of an unforgettable error era.

During the broadcast, some of the stars shared their thoughts via Twitter.

Farrah was real quick to pass judgment on Gary Shirley. Farrah tweeted about Gary, "What a pig! You're horrible; go get mental help for Amber's sake P.O.S."

What got her so fired up?

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Last week on Teen MomTyler Baltierra and Catelynn Lowell tried to help their mothers cope with Carly's adoption, Maci Bookout made a mess out of Bentley's birthday, Farrah Abraham said goodbye to Sophia, and Amber Portwood agreed to give Gary Shirley full custody of Leah.

Catelynn and Tyler

Catelynn and Tyler buy pens and notebooks for college. I guess they finally figured out their major crisis.

Catelynn and Tyler visit April and ask her where she stands with Butch. April is torn. She knows she should probably divorce him… but she still loves him. Tyler completely understands. In other news, Catelynn looks beautiful. Her hair and makeup are perfect.

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In Farrah Abraham's memoir, the Teen Mom wrote about her relationship with Sophia's dad, Derek Underwood. Sadly, Derek passed away before Sophia was born, and now Farrah Abraham is blaming Derek for their troubled relationship in My Teenage Dream Ended.

Derek's mom Stormie Clark is not happy about Farrah's depiction of Derek.

Stormie tells OK! Magazine, "Derek loved Farrah. He would have never laid a hand on her. They argued just like any normal teenage couple, but he was not the person that she is portraying him to be.”

Farrah hasn't kept in touch with Derek's family since his death. Stormie filed for visitation rights of Sophia, hoping to be a part of her granddaughter's life. As we saw last season on Teen Mom, Farrah was less than thrilled about the idea.

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With the exception of Jenelle Evans, the cast of Teen Mom 2 has been relatively quiet lately.  That is, until now.  I must say, with all the drama that is usually surrounding Leah Messer, her new husband Jeremy Calvert , and her ex-husband Corey Simms, I am surprised we haven’t heard more about her in the tabloids.

Here’s a quick recap for those of you whose memory may be hazy: high school girl has one-night stand with guy who needs subtitles, subtitles guy really likes girl, girl learns she pregnant (with twins, no less!) so she can no longer cheer and attempts to date subtitles guy.  Cheating rumors abound with girl’s ex, couple breaks up, twins are born (one with special needs), co-parenting occurs, reconciliation occurs, a nasty trailer occurs, a televised wedding occurs, newlyweds struggle to cope with toddlers, especially since one is developmentally delayed, cheating rumors abound again, subtitles guy buys new truck instead of moving family out of nasty trailer, couple divorces, girl meets new guy, marries new guy a few months later.  Are we all up to speed now?

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If ever there was a time I am thankful that reality TV has captured the horrible behavior of people it’s in the case of Jenelle Evans. The Teen Mom 2 star has just announced she wants to take her mom, Barbara Evans, to court for full custody of her son Jace! And a friend declares that Jenelle is changing her life in preparation for a court battle.

I have to warn you in advance this story makes me furious and and I am letting Miss Nude Photo Scandal have it – via blog snark of course!

Anyway, Jenelle claims she’s ready to be a full-time mom and has changed.

I’m not sure when Jenelle will find the time to parent in between her constant legal dramas and nude photo scandals and accusations of drug use and constant loser boyfriend procuring and tweeting, but apparently she thinks she will. Maybe she can give up her lucrative career of selling Scentsy to make time for her son. #sarcasm.

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