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ABC crushed my trashy TV loving heart when Bachelor Pad was canceled last summer. I mean, the only reason to watch Bachelor and Bachelorette, which are both beyond stale, the past several years was to anticipate who will end up on the sleaze fest called Bachelor Pad

On Friday, ABC shared its plan to launch a new Bachelor spinoff, Bachelor in Paradise, this summer. Paradise?!? Like Love in the Wild or Paradise Hotel or Temptation Island? I'm listening, ABC… 

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Does anyone watch reality competitions anymore?  Sure, we love some housewives drama and hip hop craziness, but is anyone enjoying singing contests or dating situations?

I think y'all know what know what I'm getting at here…the ratings for shows like The Voice, Bachelorette, and America's Got Talent are dismal compared to past seasons.  Maybe everyone's summer is busier and more intense.  Perhaps, dare I say, there isn't enough time to be bothered with these seasonal fillers.  Say it isn't so!

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Oh Ali Fedotowsky…I promise we won't forget you were once the Bachelorette many seasons ago.  How could we?  You pop up every time anything Bachelor or Bachelorette related happens.  A new season?  Tell us your thoughts!  A bitter break-up?  You can relate to how hard it is to make a fauxmance work in the public eye.  A former contestant reunion?  You'll be tweeting about it (and seriously, don't stop doing that–I love it!).

In all seriousness, I think Ali is precious, and kudos to her for extending her fifteen minutes from the franchise.  Now, Ali's sharing her thoughts on Desiree Hartsock (she can rap, y'all!  Watch below!) and sharing some behind-the-scenes knowledge that only a Bachelorette would know.

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You have to love what constitutes a star these days…especially in the eyes of ABC execs when they are casting Dancing with the Stars.  You can't really blame them though…when Lindsay Lohan turns down the show, it may be time to call it quits.  

As always, rumors are swirling about who may foxtrotting across the ballroom.  Some of the names being tossed around are more believable than others, and some would be pure television gold if the gossip proves to be true.  Likewise, the speculation is often more exciting than the dancing itself.  ABC's Bachelorette darling Emily Maynard's name has been thrown into the mix, as well as Here Comes Honey Boo Boo matriarch June Shannon.  How amazing would that be?

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Am I the only one who doesn't think Sean Lowe is going to find true love on this season of the Bachelor?  Trick question!  Who actually does find love on this show…unless it's with fame?  I'm looking at you, Maynard!  Of course, we don't watch for the romance or the extremely realistic dating scenarios (who hasn't had a first date that involves a hot air balloon, open mic night at a famous comedy club, followed by swimming with penguins?  Amateurs.), we watch for the drama.

This season, drama is named Tierra LiCausi.  She's quite the competitor, isn't she?  Maybe if these dudes were thinking with their brains instead of, well you know, they wouldn't fall for these crazies, but it happens every single time.  Do the names Courtney Robertson and Vienna Girardi ring a bell (although, let's look at who they were each vying for…)?

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This was a good week for our favorite reality shows!  It seems that everyone is getting back into the swing of 2013, and with a routine comes our favorite old habits…watching some of the most fantastically trashy television series known to man. 

Lots of networks premiered new seasons of their hit shows, while Bravo maintains steady viewership for its shows that bridged the holiday season.  Whether you were tuning in to Here Comes Honey Boo, NeNe Leakes (WIG!), or Sean this season is going to bLowe try to find love, you were certainly watching!

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Leave it to Ashley "Build-A-Bear" Hebert to buck the system when it comes to wedding etiquette.  Seriously, someone get this girl an Emily Post book stat!  No, I'm being too hard on Ashley and her fiancé J.P. Rosenbaum.  I should be applauding the Bachelorette pair for actually making it down the aisle given the curse that seems to plague all relationships born of the Bachelor franchise.  Did you know that out of twenty-four seasons there have been twenty-one engagements that failed?  I mean, yes, two of those engagements belonged to both Brad Womack and former flame Emily Maynard, but those odds aren't good!  My math is bad…I realize that Emily's engagement to Brad doesn't factor in, but I feel like it is worth mentioning.  Lots of failed relationships!

Of course, when Chris Harrison talks about the most dramatic rose ceremonies ever I never thought that he would try to orchestrate the most dramatic televised wedding ever.  I don't know whether to be disgusted or proud for what will surely be Bachelor Pad style television.  Slow clap, Mr. Harrison, slow clap.

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It's going to be the most dramatic holiday season ever…I hope you read that in your best Chris Harrison voice!  Not only do we have dirt on tiny Bachelorette Ashley Hebert's wedding to J.P. Rosenbaum (anyone want to do an over-under?  I'm calling two years), but we have an inside look at newest Bachelor dud Sean Lowe's final four.  I'm starting to think that ABC is behind leaking some of this gossip so that the franchises will remain relevant.  After all, Courtney Robertson and Ben "Flannel" Flajnik's break-up isn't going to carry us through until 2013. 

Ashley and J.P. will be following in the footsteps of the original Bachelorette couple Trista and Ryan Sutter.  Not only are they getting married, but they're doing so in a two hour televised ABC special.  Is that part of their contract?  #rhetoricalquestions  Also, we have some spoilers, so if you don't want to skip ahead 9+ episode's of Sean's Bachelor season and make your own betting pools, consider yourself forewarned.

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