I guess sometimes what happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas. Sometimes it kloses in Vegas…because no one wants to shop for overpriced, tacky, Kardashian branded klothes there. It’s a sad day for the empire built on the letter K. Those krazy Kardashians will put their names on anything, from make-up products to game apps. Unfortunately for us, the nice and normal public, nine times out of then, their kooky ventures take the kake.
However, every once in a while, the Kardashian brand just kan’t kut it. Alas, that is the kase for Khaos. Okay, I’ll stop with the “k” thing. Trust me, it’s annoying me as much as it’s annoying you!
Kendall Jenner, whoops, I mean justKendall, has made no secret about her desire to rise to supermodel status. She has covered fashion magazines and held her own strutting down the runways at New York Fashion Week. But now, the 18-year-old is proving that she doesn’t need a stitch of clothing on to produce an absolutely gorgeous picture.
On Saturday, big sister, Kourtney Kardashian, shared the above photo on Instagram of Kendall and captioned it, “Saturday muse.” Muse indeed! Kendall looks sultry and sexy with messy, wet hair and just the right amount of side boob. Kourtney also tagged famed photographer Russell James, alluding to the fact that he took the pic.
Now, what was momager Kris Jenner doing while her daughter was posing nude? Doing what Kris does best — making deals!
The finale of Keeping Up With the Kardashians is FINALLY here! Which means the over the top thoroughly orchestrated storylines and extremely D-list acting is finally coming to an end. We can all exhale and relax. Or at least until E! starts shoving Kourtney and Khloe take the Hamptons down our throats.
The episode begins with a disclaimer that we are able to witness an episode shot almost entirely by Kim Kardashian’s family and friends. Basically this means that both the acting and the cinematography suck tonight. Strap in for one last wild ride folks.
Things begin with a gleeful Kris Jennerscreeching she is in Paris whilst pointing out obvious landmarks like the Eiffel Tower. I feel like issuing a quick apology disclaimer to both France and Italy for having such a nutso family invade their respective countries. Kris is on cloud nine prancing around during her dress fitting. Kanye West and Kris decide she should be showing more cleavage. #NoBoundaries Why does Kanye even want to see old lady cleavage? Kim comes to the rescue and demands Kris keep her boobs in her bra. #ProblemSolved The Jenner-bots look Ah-mah-zing in their bridesmaid dresses, but Kourtney and Khloe are not sold on the look.
Things kick off with Kimmie Kakes and Bruce Jennerenjoying a father daughter lunch. Kim is on a mission to drop the post pregnancy pounds so she can squeeze into a skin tight wedding gown. Kim decides to talk Bruce through the logistics of giving her away. Apparently Kim wants a solo walk for the first leg of her aisle walk and for Bruce to collect her after she passes the first fountain. Bruce likens the whole thing to a relay race. I think he was looking for the word circus. Tom-ay-to, Tom-ah-to. Changing gears, Bruce feels like all the embellishments on Kim’s crazy shoes looks similar to his a$$ when his hemorrhoids are acting up… yep when it comes to this family nothing is off limits. I think ‘dangleberries’ may have been used in this sentence but I was too busy vomiting to be entirely sure.
Kourtney and her partner, Scott Disick, just bought the house a few months ago, so needless to say they are none too pleased. And the are going after the former owner, claiming he knew about the mold and tried to cover it up.
Things begin with Kim and Kourtney Kardashian discussing Khloe’s new love interest – French Montana. Kourtney is perplexed at who he is and also who Khloe’s new posse is that she is being photographed out and about with. Apparently Khloe has a posse now? I guess that’s one of the perks that comes with dating French Montana? #RapperLife I think Kim’s a little jelly of all the attention Khloe is receiving. Kourtney finds it strange nobody has met him. Kim finds it strange that Khloe would ever date a guy who isn’t black. Kourtney compares Khloe’s secretive behavior to her previous relationship with Lamar. I guess Khloe tries to not scare off her romantic choices by introducing them to her family too soon. Instead she likes everyone to meet at her weddings instead. #NoTurningBackAtTheAltar The girls come to conclusion that Khloe is just a shady lady.
Something in the buttermilk ain’t clean! Once again, the Kardashians claim something awful happened to them. Something that wasn’t caught on camera or leaked to the press as it happened. Call me crazy, but I don’t believe them.
In March, Khloe Kardashian reported $250,000 worth of jewelry missing from her Tarzana home and Kourtney Kardashian claimed $50,000 cash was stolen from her Calabasas home. Both thefts remain unsolved. Now Kourtney wants us to believe $4,000 was stolen from her Southampton home. What a shame nobody stole that jumpsuit before she could wear it in public. Oy.
Kim Zolciak, who has six kids, one hot husband, and a house full of wigs, has 59 security cameras in her home. But the Kardashians, who have hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of cash and valuables lying around, have no reliable cameras in their homes? Yeah, OK.