Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta the ladies ventured into unseen territory. It was truly a trip to OZ. There were sparkling pageant lights and shimmering runways, food that looked like vaginas and not food, beautiful music, and one Wicked Witch from the West stealing The Good Witch's crown and being sweet as a mid-summer Georgia peach. What was this strange world of successes and peace? Better watch out ladies, a twirl is a'comin and it might just drop a mansion right on your heads. And your little dogs too…
Things begin at The Bailey Agency. Cynthia Bailey is whirling around putting up flyers about the Miss Renaissance pageant. It's happening like now! And who should waltz through the door but a giant bottle of ketchup and mustard! Oh no, just Kenya Moore being sweet and kind and wearing a strange combination of red and yellow (or my TV is colorblind). I guess it was summery…
Kenya has her little dog with her and also a little model who has big dreams of Vogue covers and barely covers her butt crack in skintight zebra pants and a crop top. Kenya is mentoring this poor girl. I'm guessing she got the come-to-Jesus lecture about coochie cracks, which is why she wore that…
The wedding was for celebrity wedding designer Preston Bailey and his long-time fiancé, Grammy nominated singer Theo Bleckmann. Friend of the couple Joan Rivers officiated the ceremony in front of a star-studded guest list that included our NeNe, Cynthia, and Gregg, along with Martha Stewart and others.
Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta things were light on crazy and heavy on confusion, double-speak, and tiaras. The most confusing thing happening was figuring out what languagePorsha Stewartand hubby Kordell are even speaking. I mean Porsha definitely lives in a world of her own vocabulary where meanings and pronunciation are like, kinda, irrelevind – right?!
As for Kordell, he's the king so he do what he wants and decided to tackle a little problem of Housewives diplomacy. There's no use! Is Kordell an otherworldly genius or just… um… well, not?
In other antics Cynthia Bailey decided being the hostess of a pageant also made her the queen of all she sees. Lady Bailey was rocking her little rhinestone tiara all over town in the hopes some fool would take notice of her regality – which also equated with being a biatch. I'm sure Porsha would describe it as bitchgality.
So let's begin… Kordell is turning the big 4-0. Which is like the new 15 or something. To celebrate his bithday Porsha is throwing him a Harlem Renaissance themed party. Since she's also helping Cynthia with the Miss Renaissance pageant, she's busting out a pageant gown-cum-Josephine Baker collection of dresses that are perfect for the twirl and wave. She's been reviewing Kenya Moore's Miss USA footage and practicing in secret.
'Here she comes… Miss America. Oh I mean, Miss WHOOOOOOO-S-AAAAAAAA…. '
Our favorite reality TV stars can’t get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
Throwback Thursday time! A long, long time ago in the dawning of a televised civilization when reality TV was a zygote in the mind of an executive, Kenya Moore descended upon the Miss USA stage coated in sequins and smiles.
It was an era of videotapes and grainy pictures, of televisions so enormously heavy two strong men couldn't carry them into a living room. It was the time of hammer pants and music actually being played on MTV. It was a society where AquaNet reigned supreme. And until Beyonce quoted her at the Super Bowl, it was a young, undercover crazy Kenya's crowning moment.
Behold: Before They Were Famous – Real Housewives of Atlanta edition! Below is footage from Kenya's epic crowning 1993 moment. There were no twirls. No one shrieked "Gone With The Wind Fabulous!" The sheen of desperation hadn't settled permanently into her skin and Kenya glistened with promise and opportunity.
In short, Krayonce hadn't been born. Miss WHO-S-A indeed! Get it girl! And credit where credit is due, Kenya looks great and that seriously was an amazing accomplishment. Beyonce never looked so good.
If y'all thought former Real Housewives of New York starJill Zarinwas going anywhere, you'd be wrong. I personally think some network needs to introduce a show that follows Jill as she tries to claw her way back into reality television stardom kicking and screaming. I'd watch. Kidding, I'd just DVR it and watch it on a slow Sunday.
Jill, of course, is all about showing Bravo who is boss. Poor Andy Cohen. She's coming out guns blazing about what it would take to get her back in Bravo's good graces…and it's not much. Bless her heart.