Last night things were starting to settle in on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Everything that is except Carlton Gebbia who really cannot f–king deal with anyone and is over everything. Oh and Brandi Glanville's face – that's not settling either. She better watch it or she'll be turning into her arch-nemesis Adrienne Maloof!
Unfortunately the show began on a sour note. Poor Yolanda Foster is bravely taking us through her health journey battling Lyme Disease, which sounds horrible. I am seriously never going into the woods again. No, No, No!
Lemanda is undergoing surgery to remove a tube that sends antibiotics straight to her bloodstream and to celebrate she's doing a master cleanse instead of having a drink. I will never understand – pass me the alcohol! Gawd, do I sound like Brandi. #EpicFail. Even Yolanda's housekeeper is master cleansing and dividing all the lemonstrocity juice into a million Fuji bottles. Lemon does know how bad that is for the environment, right?
During the Miami reunion episode, Adriana de Moura brought up the reports that Joanna Krupaplayed a part in ending the marriage between Yolanda Foster and Mohamed Hadid. Joanna flat out denied having any involvement. Andy played a clip during WWHL, and Brandi immediately called Joanna a liar.
Brandi said what she knows is "Joanna had sex with Mohamed". Is that what busted up the marriage? "It was one of many affairs. But Yolanda and Mohamed are great now. It's just when I was with Yolanda at a party and Joanna started to walk up to us, we had to go."
This season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the tables are turning for Lisa Vanderpump. Meaning no one likes her. Rumor had it the isolation and ostracization became so intense Lisa was threatening to quit the show! No amount of money could get me to hang out with Splits!
Lisa heartily denies the rumor, insisting. “If I quit, you will hear the words right out of my mouth or I have been fired.”
Furthermore she doesn't even know what she would quit, even if she wanted to! "There are all these rumors but there is nothing to quit. We are not in production — they don’t even start production until next year,” Lisaexplained to E! Online.
On Friday morning, Brandi tweeted, "I really wish a certain pare shapes bugged eyed "COCK" tail waitress would stop riding my coat tails." Yes, pare shapes. I wonder to whom Brandi could be referring? While Scheana seems to be the obvious target for Brandi's twitterhate, she's hardly using Brandi's celebrity to bolster her own–she doesn't need to. She has her tooth surgery story to garner attention. No, I'm serious.
Responding to the season premiere Brandi calls out Lisa for making a series of "little digs". I must have been watching a different episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, then!
"I was honestly shocked to see all the digs that Lisa took at Kyle [Richards] in this episode. . . .not to say that Kyle and I won't have many future digs for one another along our path," Brandi admits in her Bravo blog.
"But this one really stuck with me and I just found it so inappropriate: when Lisa was speaking of the Mauricio's cheating rumors in front of Portia, Kyle and Mauricio's five year old daughter!!! Portia is five and she and my son Jake are almost the same age. Let me tell you these kids hear and understand EVERYTHING that gets said to them and around them."
And Vanderfabulous is back with a vengeance! Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Lisa Vanderpump is tired of being accused of being the secret mouthpiece of the 'loids, and can you blame her? If I had to drink every time Kyle Richards insinuated that Lisa's smiling joke delivery was really the most vicious insult ever, I would've passed out before the first episode was even half over!
In her Bravo blog this week, Lisa addresses the tabloid rumors that follow the ladies of Bravo to no end while hinting that she should have been more in tune to how concerned Kyle was about Yolonda Foster's alleged lie. She even manages to get in a few very veiled digs at Splits too, which I absolutely love. Is she throwing shade? It's so subtle I can't tell! Lisa begins with Kyle's Chamber of Commerce party, writing, "Kyle had asked me to cater an event for her. It isn't something we often do — to take our chef away from the restaurant. Transporting the food and staff is just too complicated to ever be worthwhile. While I am there, Kyle brings up the fact that there have been stories created about her being pregnant. I also mentioned that I had seen the articles about Mauricio cheating. I would prefer face-to-face to acknowledge them, and then in the same breath ridicule the constant nonsense that is often in these tabloids.
Aaaaahhhh Kyle Richards. Good ole' Splits, she obviously takes the lessons of Mean Girls' head bitchtress Regina George as gospel because she's starting off this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on the wrong Louboutin-clad foot!
Kyle admits that things with Lisa Vanderpump were rocky and she was anxious to once again try to work past their issues – until Lisa's Louboutin clad-food crossed the line! Lisa and Kyle had "not spoken since the Reunion last year" when they met in her kitchen to discuss the most illustrious parties to end all illustrious amazing parties: the Chamber of Commerce fete! All hail the great excitement capitulators in grey suits and one Kyle clad in a too-tight bumblebee dress!
"The accusations hurled at Mauricio were so offensive and calculated that there really wasn't anything to say. I said how I felt at the reunion and left it at that," Kyleexplains in her Bravo Blog.
"We have all had lies printed about us and we all know that when you are on a reality show and putting your lives out there this can happen. But we also know that the last thing we would want to do is bring it up to give these lies a platform and make us relive this again in six months — which is what I am having to do now."
I guess if we have to live in a world where attention seekers are rewarded for bad behavior and outrageous shenanigans, I may as well be entertained by them, right? And I definitely find Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Brandi Glanville to be, um, entertaining.
While Brandi's certainly not the reality star I'd want to hang out with on a regular basis (but should Theresa Caputo, Curtis Stone, orLisa Vanderpump feel so inclined…call me!), she is crass and sassy which are two of the characteristics I'm drawn to in friends. She isn't afraid to let it all hang out (literally…how could you forget this?) in the Twitterverse, her best-selling book, and now her online podcast aptly titled Brandi Glanville Unfiltered. Bravo breaks down her premiere episode where she shares several revelations ranging from taking a copycat Kim Kardashianbooty-bearing selfie to having high cholesterol from her diet.