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Brandi Glanville

Are you all ready for Brandi Glanville to put the “real” in Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? Need to catch your breath from a fit of laughter? Or catch your eyeballs that rolled down the street? Go ahead. I’ll wait. 

Brandi Glanville

“Newsflash: I’M NOT SOBER,” blogged Brandi. We could stop here because that’s where Brandi’s “real” ends. But, she added, “And fantasies are just that – fantasies. I’ve just about HAD IT with these judgmental women that pretend to be perfect and think they do no wrong. Spa day was fine other than the uncomfortable wine tasting, but I tried to tell some jokes to loosen the mood.”

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Brandi went on to say that Kyle Richards asked her to bring the booze into the car. So, you see, it’s not Brandi’s fault that she can’t take an hour car ride without half the contents of her home bar. And it’s not Brandi’s fault that Kyle tolerates alcohol better. And it’s not Brandi’s fault that three glasses turn her into a insufferable tart. 

Kyle called me and asked me to bring champagne in the car for the ride over to poker night at Eileen‘s, and we shared one bottle. I generally drink wine, not champagne, and was feeling good. As all of my friends have pointed out to me, it’s the third glass that takes me to the dark side. Kyle had as much to drink as I did, but it didn’t seem to affect her. She must have a really HIGH tolerance.”

Brandi insulted Eileen Davidson. Again. “Eileen‘s house is beautiful on the outside – and it may be a dick thing to say – but creepy on the inside in my opinion. I switched over to white wine, and while there were a few appetizers (one made with kids’ frozen mini pancakes and oddly colored salmon), there really wasn’t much to eat, and it was dinner time after all.”

About the poker game, Brandi said, “I’m drunk and hungry, and all these smart women act like it is rocket science. It was ridiculous. Sitting next to Kim [Richards], even in my intoxicated state, I see that she isn’t herself. I tried to pretend like all was fine but knew that I needed to get her out of there. Kim had been sick for weeks coughing really violently whenever I was around her, and I asked her to go to the doctor, but she said it was just bronchitis.”

Brandi shared her side of the physical altercation with Kyle. “Kyle and Kim go off to the restroom. As Kim came out, she wanted Kyle to leave her alone and to leave. I went over to try and help Kim get the heck out of there. I try to get Kim out of Eileen‘s house, because it’s clear to me that Kyle wants to have this bad situation play out in front of the other ladies. I don’t want that to happen, so I try to get Kim to leave.”

Kyle only wants to ‘help’ Kim when Kyle has an audience. In that moment of time, Kim was not in the right state of mind or condition to have any kind of conversation or altercation, yet Kyle persisted, even going as far as getting physical and grabbing me twice, as well as breaking my skin open to keep me from removing Kim from this bad situation.”

Brandi asked, “If Kyle was so worried and embarrassed about Kim‘s behavior, then why wouldn’t she just let me get Kim home and out of this embarrassing situation? Even in my intoxicated state, I knew that was the only solution. Kyle, while planes and yachts are nice – if family is everything – how could you treat your sister Kim the way you do?”

To summarize Brandi‘s “real” – she’s not sober (agree). Brandi getting sh-t faced in the car is Kyle‘s fault (disagree). Eileen‘s house is creepy (disagree). Pretending “all was fine” is the best way to handle an addict (disagree). A drunk Brandi is the best person to care for a high Kim (disagree). Kyle loves an audience (agree). In this particular situation, Kyle was more worried about said audience than the resident drunk enabling her sister (disagree). Brandi puts the “real” in Real Housewives (bwahahahaha). 

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Photo Credit: Bravo

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