When I’m wrong, I say I’m wrong.
I know it wasn’t you who got Baby in trouble…and I was wrong thinking last week’s episode of Southern Charm was one for the books. Last night’s installment had it all! Dancing, conspiracies, that long-awaited “shameless strumpet” word bomb, and can we just dish on the ending for one moment? No bird has ever flown higher! Let’s dive right in, shall we?
The crew learns of Thomas Ravenel’s assault charges while they wreaking havoc on the croquet court. Great paté, but they’ll have to motor if they want to make it to dance lessons in time. Cameran Eubanks assumes that Kathryn Dennis will be motoring her sassy ass back to Charleston to publicly support T-Rav, and Craig Conover is thanking his lucky stars that something more pressing (and actually in the press) is diverting the attention away from his questionable decisions from the night before. The Charmers ponder how Kathryn will respond to the allegations, and Jennifer Snowden responds, “She doesn’t process things like an adult. It won’t really sink in with her the brevity of the situation.” It is a very brief situation indeed. The crew learns that T-Rav’s accuser is Kathryn’s best friend. A stylist by trade and an opportunist by nature, according to Cameran.
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In her room, Kathryn has composed herself enough after learning the news that she’s able to call Thomas. He wonders if she fully grasps the seriousness of what is happening. Of course she does. She isn’t twelve, she’s twenty-three. Sadly, the older I get, the less of a difference there is between the mentality of those two ages. Kathryn is unnecessarily on the defensive. Doesn’t Thomas realize that she knew nothing about her friend’s diabolical plan to press charges? She like totally gets the multitude (um, magnitude?) of what is transpiring. Kathryn reveals that before getting pregnant with Kensington, she did some modeling. When Thomas announced his candidacy, she enlisted the same stylist who helped her with photo shoots to get her media-ready for the campaign trail. Sometimes, the girls liked to chat and unwind after work (that’s code for lots of wine and perhaps some herb), but Thomas, being the private guy he is (or as private as one can be while showcasing his life on a reality show), didn’t like the stylist snooping around after hours. On the night in question, the girls were gabbing, Thomas got upset, and yada yada yada…yada, he fell into the pool with their baby and accidentally shut a door on the stylist’s arm prompting her charges. That additional “yada” was Elaine approved just for this instance.
Kathryn sips her breakfast chardonnay and promises T-Rav that they’ll present a united front
JUST AS SOON AS HER MINI-VACAY IS FINISHED. Craig meets with Kathryn after she texts him several times. He agrees with her revelation that she shouldn’t have to high-tail it back to Charleston just because Thomas is in a pickle. Landon Clemsnts can’t believe the silliness (and all those cameras!) that follows her new group of friends. Jekyll isn’t for drama! Jekyll is for garden parties and lawn games and mint juleps and shuffleboard and AARpeople-watching. In fact, she’s organized a dance lesson for the gang at the beach cabana. The group will be ready for the big sock hop in no time! As Craig and Kathryn make their way towards the afternoon’s activity, Whitney Sudler-Smith admonishes Kathryn’s behavior from the balcony. After T-Rav spoke with Kathryn, he called Whitney to ask if he’d make sure Kathryn left for Charleston as soon as possible. He has to give his sworn statement to the police, and he’d certainly feel better if she was by his side.
As the golf carts caravan towards the beach (you’ll note Shepard “Shep” Rose is leading the way…he must have figured out how to get to the ocean), the gossip has switched from Kathryn and Craig’s drunken rendezvous in the wee hours of morning to the young mother’s refusal to head back to Charleston. It’s not fair, y’all! Crazy accusations always come up right when she’s decided to do something for herself for once. Why should she have to race back home to Thomas when there are salsa lessons to be had? Cameran can’t believe that Kathyn has chosen to stay, and Shep compares her “avoid and fester” strategy to something Craig would do. They are perfect for each other after all! JD, who is quickly inching his way into my winners’ circle of cast favorites, hates that his friend has to face this media fire storm alone, but there’s no way in Hades that he’s going to get involved in a war of words with Kathryn. The memory of her tirade on Whitney is still fresh on his gin-soaked mind! “That’s between y’all.” He’s just here to do his kind of dancing to his kind of music with a great partner, who’s not only a great dancer, but somebody who taught him that there are people willing to stand up for other people no matter what the cost…wait, what? Of course, he certainly isn’t talking about Kathryn standing up for Thomas during this trying time.
Why are all dance instructors overly excited? Just once I’d like to see some Debbie Downer-Eeyore hybrid touting “One-two-three, one-two-three, back step…if you want. Or just stand there. Whatever.” Their teacher is shaking her cha-cha across the deck with a grand comparison to chips, salsa, guacamole and cheese dip. Shep can’t understand why one would twist a tortilla in the manner in which she expects him to twist his hips. Kathryn only wants the cheese dip, so she is basically doing the sixth grade slow dance side step. Cameran hopes that Kathryn is in some sort of major denial about the dire situation her baby daddy is in thanks to her late night girl talk with a hair-teasing opportunist–if she’s just sticking around to party, that’s in such poor taste. Landon, on the other hand, sees nothing wrong with Kathryn staying on Jekyll. After all, Thomas has made it painfully clear that he doesn’t need her on his campaign trail, so why should she be so quick to run to his side now? Landon understands the arm-candy aspect of being with a man who ignores his partner until he needs to look good in the public eye.
At the end of the lesson, the majority of the crew heads back to the hotel, but Whitney summons JD to join him on the boardwalk. Shouldn’t Kathryn be helping Thomas clear his name and not carousing at Kellermans? JD agrees that something seems a tad off, especially if T-Rav’s accuser is one of Kathryn’s alleged besties. Whitney can’t help but wonder if Kathryn is plotting to ruin Thomas’ campaign. He believes she’s worried that if Thomas wins the Senate seat, he won’t keep her as his first lady. Um, okay. JD wasn’t expecting to hear a conspiracy theory of quite that magnitude (multitude?), but he’s listening. Whitney may fancy himself a Shakespeare (hey, he did reference the gravity of the situation, so extra points!), but Kathryn is no Cassius to T-Rav’s Caesar. Whitney vows to steer clear of the hillbilly femme fatale for the remainder of the trip so as not to recreate the previous evening’s ruckus. Back in the Holy City, T-Rav is working on damage control with Sandy Duncan. He feels extremely defeated. The media doesn’t pick up any stories about what he does right, but it sure swoops in when he’s made a mistake…and rehashes all of his past indiscretions for good measure. Whitney has returned from Jekyll Island, and he pops in on Thomas after Sandy makes a swift exit to avoid her advertising adversary. T-Rav laments that he was just trying to get rid of the trash that was dirtying up his house, and now the garbage has made international headlines. He’s hurt by Kathryn’s unwillingness to leave the weekend away to support him, but he blames the legal advice she was given by someone who has yet to pass the par and got the ax from Akim. Thomas admits that his frustration may have lead to an errant Facebook post…or twelve. Whitney actually practices some discretion and chooses not to disclose the gossip of Craig and Kathryn’s beach slumber party.
Upon learning that she got dumped on social media, Kathryn packs up her belongings and moves out of their shared house on the peninsula for the comfort of her parents’ home. Bravo treats us to a highlight reel of their once happy relationship, including the renowned Second Christening. Kathryn’s father and Kensington welcome her with open arms. Also enjoying quality time with the family is Whitney. He’s relaxing with his mother and recapping the weekend’s events while watching the accusations against Thomas unfold on the local news. The grand Patricia Altschul is pampering her pooches, but they are yapping at the television. She summons Mr. Belvedere with her silver bell, asking him to exchange the over-excited pups for a bourbon sour. Whitney reveals that Kathryn’s behavior on the trip wasn’t in line with someone who should be concerned about her boyfriend’s well-being. Then again, Thomas breaking up with her via Facebook had all the makings of a Girl Meets World episode. He also shares the tidbit of Craig and Kathryn’s late night tryst. Mrs. Pat is no stranger to Jekyll Island, and given the proximity of the beach to the hotel, even she would be willing to make that trek on foot if Mr. Belvedere wasn’t available to rickshaw her back to her quarters. Whitney asked Craig point blank in Swahili clicks if anything scandalous happened on the beach. Craig is adamant that for once, he’s telling the truth. Nothing nefarious occurred in the sand, although all those late night Naked and Afraid binges certainly came in handy. Patricia isn’t the least bit of surprised. Everyone warned Thomas that Kathryn is a legen–wait for it…(I’m lactose intolerant so I can’t have)–dary shameless strumpet. And there it is! Is it bad I’m disappointed at how anticlimactic that line was? It has to be the most talked about Bravo zinger in a long time, right?
It’s election day, but Thomas has given up all hope for a meaningful showing at the polls given the recent drama. He wishes Kathryn the best, but he thinks she’s a liability. The gang is heading to their respective polls…well, not Kathryn because she’s screening Jennifer’s calls, and not Whitney because he’s not registered to vote in South Carolina. Did he forget to mention that to Thomas? Oops! Totally innocent oversight. Shep can’t decide whether to cast his vote for T-Rav or write himself in on the ballot. Decisions, decisions. Cameran throws hilarious shade when explaining why Thomas should be a career politician…polo and partying don’t work so well for him. Come to think of it, smelling cocaine while serving as the state treasurer didn’t really either. Craig may not have many nice things to say about T-Rav in light of his fledgling friendship with Kathryn, but their political views are exactly the same. He’s even up before noon to ensure his polling station doesn’t run out of “I Voted” stickers before he has a chance to get one. That night, Cameran, Craig and the crickets are the first to arrive at Thomas’ poll party, followed by Cooper Ray, JD, and Elizabeth. No one has heard from Kathryn, but Craig is confident she’ll be in attendance to support Thomas. Cameran disagrees. Thomas used Mark Zuckerburg to humiliate her, and she shouldn’t be the one to extend the first olive branch (unless said olive branch is stirring a giant martini).
A crowd descends upon Sermets, wagering on what percentage of the poll Thomas will take. Speaking of, T-Rav gives an obligatory interview after learning he only garnered four percent of the votes. However, like a consummate politician, he holds his head high as he joins his supporters. It could have been worse, Whitney commiserates, but perhaps it could have been better had Thomas kept him as campaign manager. T-Rav settles in for his concession speech which is hijacked by Kathryn’s entrance. Shep notes that she didn’t return to Charleston to help Thomas face the assault accusations, but now she’s front and center to watch him crash and burn. Craig, on the other hand, sees her attendance as being the bigger person after T-Rav denounced her in a late-night status update. In a short and sweet address, Thomas congratulates the primary winners and thanks his supporters…and Kathryn. The two share an awkward exchange before she cites being too emotional for any type of conversation. Patricia can’t fathom that Kathryn would be so stupid as to show up uninvited given the recent scandal, so she’s chalking this one up to Kathryn being conniving before peacing out of the event with a string of colorful adjectives. Her medicine calls. Mine too, Pat. Mine too. Kathryn toasts her girlfriends (it’s as uncomfortable for me as it is for them) before traipsing across the room to approach Thomas and Whitney. An over served Kathryn disses Whitney in T-Rav’s ear and claims to be confused when he thanks her for her support. Just leave the poor man alone! He is saddened that she can’t show him any compassion and instead tries to defend her recent actions. Can’t he get a “honey, I’m sorry” and a side hug?
Cameran is channeling her inner Craig as far as alcohol consumption is concerned, and it’s nice to see her let loose. She worries about what footage will be shown from the party given she has little recollection of the night. Craig is so proud. After her failed attempt to talk to Thomas, a pissy Kathryn stomps back to her table to share how Whitney once again has come between them. Did I miss something? I think this is the only time Whitney’s remained mute (or was that my remote control?)! 😉 Also over served? Landon. She interjects into Kathryn’s woe-is-me moment, accusing her one-time friend of being narcissistic for making Thomas’ loss all about her. Oh no she didn’t! After a well choreographed display of eye rolls, hair flips, and “talk to the hands,” Kathryn informs Landon that she knows nothing about that of which she speaks, and she’s certainly entitled to have an opinion…she just needs to share it with others at a table far, far away. Landon tries to defend herself, but she’s met with an “eff you” and manicured middle finger. Classy. Jennifer ushers Kathryn out of Sermets, urging her friend to reign in the bitchiness and “you want a piece of me?” smack down talk. Kathryn, however, feels used and heartbroken.
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? SHOULD KATHRYN HAVE LEFT JEKYLL TO BE AT T-RAV’S SIDE?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]