Um, hello! Just like that, some chick who has had maybe twenty-three seconds of screen time all season made every Southern Charm fan ring their bells for Michael to fetch another shot of what the hell?? Cheers to you, Robyn! You so casually dropped that bombshell about your friend that it seemed almost inadvertent. All that was missing was a “bless her heart” to let us know just how calculated that one innocent statement was. What a doozie! But, like Tennessee Williams (who, according to Kathryn Dennis, writes stuff), I digress…
The best things end far too soon…whether it’s the weekend, my paycheck, or this season’s guiltiest pleasure! The finale begins where last week’s episode ends – with Cooper Ray attempting to corral Thomas Ravenel back into his house as Landon Clements narrowly escapes colliding with a mid-sized SUV with her golf cart. At her place down the street, Landon, Craig Conover, Naomie, and Cameran Eubanks rehash the crazy while Shepard “Shep” Rose laments a dinner uneaten. Landon gets upset when Shep defends Kathryn. Did he not just witness her go all “Moncks Corner” on her ass? Shep counters that Landon refuses to take the high road and presented Kathryn with the ammunition. He believes that Landon, Kathryn, and Thomas are far more alike than Landon would ever admit. Now where’s that damn pizza?
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Still at Thomas‘ abode, Danni, JD, and Elizabeth are still reeling from T-Rav’s failed toast, although Kathryn feels vindicated he finally stood up for her in Landon’s midst. She is grateful to T-Rav (who totally kept his composure by the way) for sticking up for her to his friends, especially the one who likes to channel her inner Tarzan bitch, swinging from vine to vine…if vines in Charleston are wealthy suitors. Tell me again why these two don’t get along? Kathryn and Thomas have a heart-to-heart where she expresses her gratitude and he asks her to spend the night. She’s excited by the invitation, but she needs him to know that before they take this next step (again), he has to agree to cut all ties with Landon. Sure, sure…he can do that. She’s going to stay though, right? Thank goodness for the night nanny!
The following morning, Craig is meeting with JD about his future. His heart just isn’t in the bourbon business (only his liver), and he’s ready to get serious about studying for the bar. Mind you, I said “studying” and not “taking.” Craig explains to JD that his focus needs to be on the end-game of becoming an attorney. JD isn’t upset by this revelation. It saves him from having to can one of his friends.
Meanwhile, Cameran is meeting with her therapist to discuss her anxiety about having children. She was tasked with creating a list of pros and cons about having children. Cameran reveals that her husband Jason also took part in the exercise. It’s clear from Jason’s list that he wants a family stat. Cameran realizes how important it is to him, and she would hate for him to resent her if she never gets to that place. Cameran rationalizes that if she was 100% anti-having a baby, she wouldn’t be going to therapy in the first place. Her perception has changed learning how much Jason desires having kids.
Landon stops into Shep’s new dive endeavor, The Commodore (formerly Touch of Class), which is just blocks from where his restaurant the Royal American was. I don’t get out much (read: ever) unless it’s to dinner, but I have been to The Commodore once. The line wrapped around the block, and the jazz-funk band didn’t take a breath. The place was packed and everyone was on the dance floor. If I was ten years younger, it would be on the rotation. Air conditioning would be a plus though.
Shep addresses Landon‘s love confession, and she giggles that she really may be in lurve. He reminds her that they are just friends because she deserves more. Landon worries that Shep is going to wake up one day to discover he’s a fifty year old with no kids who has to marry the first hot girl who will have him regardless of having feelings for her. Shep is all, yeah, maybe, if she’s hot enough, but Landon wants him with someone with whom he can build a great future. He also agrees, but he can’t seem to get through to Landon that he doesn’t think it’s her. She flutters her eyelashes (let’s be honest, her eyes) when Shep shares his fear of hurting people’s feelings. Yes, Landon would hate for Shep to realize in ten years he’s with the wrong girl and have to hurt her feelings. Girlfriend isn’t picking up what he’s throwing down. Shep basically hands her a copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” before bidding her “good day!”
Naomie is modeling Founder’s Ball gowns for Craig. He has won the girlfriend lottery – she has to be the most sane one (well, with Danni) of the bunch, and stunning to boot. He makes her nervous when he tells her that he hasn’t been forthright with her. She’s on the defensive as Craig opines about how he needs to focus all of his attention on studying for the bar (that he still has yet to take), and Naomie is overcome with relief. That was his big admission? She’d rather be with an attorney than a bourbon rep any day of the week.
Downtown at Sermets, JD is hoping that Whitney Sudler-Smith can talk some sense into Thomas. T-Rav is still overcome with the drama surrounding his dinner party. He’s sick of people criticizing the young mother of his children. Thomas truly felt he needed to be honest with his friends if they are, in fact, his friends. Sure he got into the cups (was that it?), so perhaps his delivery was a bit off. However, he recognizes that his friends want the best for him and he was raised better.
It’s the day of Founder’s Ball, and Kathryn brings Kensie and Julien over to Thomas‘ new home. You can see her perk up when T-Rav cites the event as the perfect opportunity for the duo to present a united front as a couple to their friends. A few blocks away, Patricia Altschul is indulging in a little oxygen therapy. It’s like a sound machine/humidifier hybrid which may possibly be the best thing on the planet. Whitney pops in and makes a sarcastic comment about his mother being on a defibrillator. She snarks that she looks damn good for being one hundred and five years old, and the machine is her best kept beauty secret. This is the Pat I have adored in season’s past. She’s got a sharp tongue, but at the moment she’s not using it to bite anyone. Whitney tells his mother he’s stopping by to get cuff links for the night’s events, and Pat reveals she’s offered up jewels and fur to give a bit of oomph to Landon’s attire. Whitney stifles a laugh and mutters, “That should be interesting.”
Also getting pampered are Shep and Craig. Shep is getting a clean shave and a trim to his frat boy locks while Craig is partaking in a blow-out. The two chat with JD, and Shep laughs about Thomas texting to apologize for his behavior, citing it was just a joke. He’s willing to forgive and forget. It’s all water under the Ravenel Bridge. JD wonders why Shep received the brunt of T-Rav’s wrath. Shep knows it’s because he stepped in to deflect Thomas from verbally attacking the girls. Say what you will about this overgrown man-child, but he is almost always correct. Shep asserts that Thomas was wrong to belittle Landon after he was the one who maintained a friendship with her. Had Thomas told Landon that he couldn’t continue a friendship with her because it bothered Kathryn, that would be one thing, but this was a different approach entirely. Not to mention, they all know T-Rav isn’t going to stop his flirty friendship with Landon.
Landon is a wonderful student at Mrs. Pat’s School for Wifing Up, so much so that the head mistress has loaned Landon her stylist. Patricia knows that chapstick and a single coat of mascara isn’t going to land Shep. Down the street, Kathryn needs Thomas to help her understand why Landon has posted so many pictures to Instagram that include Thomas. Why were they playing polo? Did they eat that pineapple? Where can I buy that fabulous sofa? Thomas explains that Landon is out to undermine their relationship with these petty attempts for attention on social media. Wait, isn’t that Jennifer Snowden’s job according to T-Rav? Kathryn reminds Thomas that they have agreed to not have Landon in their lives. T-Rav will say anything to placate Kathryn and maintain the peace… even complimenting Kathryn’s wisdom recouped from her past lives.
Continuing the transformation, Landon arrives at Pat’s house to peruse her furs and jewelry. Patricia is happy to finally have the wash-and-wear-boho WASP under her wing. It’s about time. Landon tries on her gown and Patricia gushes about how elegant it is… it’s nothing like what Landon would normally wear. Ouch. Over nerve-calming champagne, Landon extols on a voicemail she received from Thomas saying he is sorry for how he spoke to her because he totally understands where she’s coming from when it comes to Kathryn. He has to experience it every day. After a lesson in how to properly sit in a fur, Landon chooses a bright purple Dior purchased by Pat in Monaco. She so hopes Shep will approve.
Finally, it’s the main event! Cooper cordially receives his guests at the Hibernian Club, and one by one, the Charmers arrive dressed in their black-tie finest. Shep attends with Landon’s friend Robyn on his arm (clearly red was the color of the evening), and Landon is beside herself. Here she is dripping in diamonds and Dior, and Shep felt the need to bring a date? She assumed that if she was coming solo, he’d want to be stag as well. Whitney comments to Landon that things must not be happening for the pair, and she flippantly replies, “Coulda, shoulda, woulda,” while trying to hide her hurt feelings. Shep, Landon and Robyn exchange curt hellos before Landon abruptly walks away. Craig and Cameran briefly relive the dinner party from hell, and Craig states that it was typical fast and loose T-Rav. No harm, no foul. Cameran disagrees. She is done with their soul-sucking drama, and I honestly can’t blame her one iota.
and three sheets to the wind, T-Rav and Kathryn swoop into the ball. Kathryn is wearing red as well, but hers is less because its on trend and more a play into Bravo’s desire for symbolism. She’s also sporting those gold lace glove situations she wore on Watch What Happens Live. The couple gives their group the cold shoulder in favor of the bar, and Jennifer couldn’t care less. She’s used to their MO.
Shep practices what he preaches (aka, being the bigger person), and approaches Kathryn to see how she’s doing. She’s doing just fine until she spots T-Rav’s hand linger on Landon’s lower back during a Christian side-hug. Kathryn overhears Landon call her evil looking, so Kathryn requests a private conversation. Kathryn is condescending in the most hilarious of ways, calling out Landon for being high strung when she’s only trying to have an adult conversation. Landon retreats to find Thomas, hoping the three of them can get to the bottom of the web of lies. Landon shrilly commands Thomas to remind his baby mama that nothing has ever happened between them. Kathryn rises like a siren on the stormy cliffs, daring Thomas to lie to her. Both Kathryn and Landon hurl accusations of insanity at the other while Cameran’s poor friend wonders how she found herself literally in the middle of their exchange. Landon claims to be afraid of Kathryn, and Naomie is wishing she’d worn the helmet she’d contemplated earlier.
Craig and Shep decide to divide and conquer. Shep chases Kathryn while Craig tries to tag-team Landon. They ladies just need to talk calmly and realize they are fighting over
Thomas silliness. Sure, Kathryn may not approve of T-Rav’s friendship with Landon, but that’s all it is. Thomas is at the center of their feud, but that doesn’t mean they can’t get along. Did I just hear Jennifer mutter “amen”? Both women complain she can’t have an adult conversation with the other, and Shep and Craig seem to have bitten off more than they can chew. Shep reminds both of his friends to keep cool. Landon smirks sweetly as Kathryn intensely accuses her of wrongdoing. Landon quips, “What would Patricia do?” before bidding farewell to her darling friend Craig. Thomas wonders if there are trust issues that Kathryn can’t look past. Um, you think? And just as quickly as they reconciled in the first twenty minutes of the finale, the couple is dunzo.
Shep has escaped back to the ball to order a stiff drink and spend time with his date. Why, he wonders, can’t his friends learn to take the high road? Robyn is sympathetic but she questions whether Landon will ever admit to sleeping with Thomas. For a split second I assume Shep didn’t hear her, and then his wide eyes say differently… “WHAT?”
Fade to black on the finale. Robyn just had Bravo’s ultimate mic drop.
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE SOUTHERN CHARM FINALE? DO YOU BELIEVE SOMETHING HAPPENED BETWEEN THOMAS & LANDON?
[Photo Credit: Bravo and Paul Cheney/Bravo]