Are y’all clutching your pearls yet? We’re the second week into this season of Southern Charm, and it doesn’t seem like much has changed. Cameran Eubanks is still playing the role of narrator and wrangling man children in the form of Craig Conover, Shepard “Shep” Rose, and Shep’s latest protege Austen Kroll. Landon Clements continues to undercut Kathryn Dennis through her giggles while her “is-he-or-isn’t he” Thomas Ravenel surrounds himself with young twenty-something arm candy. Speaking of Kathryn, she’s back with a vengeance and ready to provide hair strands and blood samples and whatever else she needs in order to see her children. Forget the hot mess express, these folks are a convoy of crazy! Let’s dive on in, shall we?
As always, the episode starts with the group in various stages of morning mayhem, whether it’s working or snoozing. Whitney Sudler-Smith visits
the Hugh Hefner of Charleston T-Rav, who has been recovering from the big pool party. He’s not ready to get back into the dating scene for fear a fiery siren will come in to rip off the head of some poor college junior. Whitney is enjoying this mellower version of his friend, and he’s ready to rejoin him on the Upper King singles’ scene after breaking off his long term, long distance relationship with that young blonde girl. Thomas is thrilled to have a wing man, and he makes Whitney promise to prowl the bars each night with one goal: close on site. Wait what? Oh, do it in the bathroom! Makes sense. I’ll be re-upping on the hand sanitizer before I head out again on a Friday night.
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Kathryn goes to visit Danni, revealing how humiliated and ashamed she was when she failed the drug test and lost her kids. As the girls catch up, Danni expresses how proud she is that Kathryn went to rehab. Kathryn shares that she hasn’t seen her kids, and she isn’t on speaking terms with Thomas. However, Kathryn believes that if she just humbles herself to the process, she will be well enough to have joint custody with Thomas. She is also wary to revisit some of her former friendships, especially the one she had with Jennifer Snowden. Kathryn finds something fishy about Jennifer’s rekindled friendship with T-Rav.
On cue, Cameran heads to Jennifer’s house to meet her newborn son. On the way, Cameran talks with her mom about how she still doesn’t have that maternal instinct. Cameran thinks she’d be fine with just a dog if her husband didn’t want a family so badly. Jennifer is holding out hope that her friend will join the mom’s club while sharing her son’s story. He had to have brain surgery the day he was born because brain matter was herniating out of his skull. Her precious little fighter is healing well, and Jennifer just beams as a mom. She is grateful for Patricia, Thomas, Whitney, and Shep for reaching out to her since Ascher’s birth, but one name doesn’t make the list.
Roam if you want to! Landon‘s website lives (at least on Bravo)! She and her business partners are working at her dining room table planning the site’s soft launch. Give her a break…technology is hard (blogs the girl who wishes she still had a flip phone). Landon is ready to prove to her family and friends that she can make this dream a cyber-reality.
Never missing a moment to needle his pal, Shep invites Craig to the batting cage. He can’t wait to call his friend out on his lacking legal career and pussy pink eye. Get your mind out of the gutter, people. He’s allergic to cats, and his cat slept on his face the night before. Long gone are the days of Craig’s puffy eyes being caused by late nights at Republic. Shep interrogates Craig about not finishing law school and applying to take the bar when he hadn’t yet graduated. Craig retaliates that his friend is a loser, and Shep counters Craig has been removed for their group’s text chain. A fate worse than death! Remind me never to cross Shep.
At Fuel, Cameran and Chelsea are cocktailing and queso-ing (my kind of afternoon). Cameran prods her friend about a potential flirtation with Shep, but I am just fascinated how reality stars from different shows befriend one another. According to Cameran, Chelsea and Shep are a match made in heaven–they have all the same interests (except Chelsea isn’t a man whore). Chelsea is intrigued, but she wants Cameran to pump the brakes with her matchmaking.
Down the street, Shep is lunching with Whitney and Austen. As they giggle about the buffet of barely legals at the recent pool party, Austen concludes that Shep will never meet his sister. The topic of conversation turns to Landon’s site launch, and Shep shares a recent encounter some of his friends had with his one time close friend in Nantucket. He reveals Landon critiqued his friends’ app logo and made comments about not hanging out with millionaires because she only hobnobs with billionaires. Shep is embarrassed and disappointed.
In the Old Village, Naomie arrives home after a long day of school. While she’s getting her Masters, she has no clue what her beau does all day. Here’s a hint…he spends a lot of time with that cat that gives him hives, sometimes with a wheelbarrow! When Craig recaps his baseball blunder with Shep, his girlfriend plays devil’s advocate. She is ready for her significant other to join her on this amazing adventure known as adulting. Naomie is a breath of fresh air…she’s able to keep it real with Craig while still being supportive…even if Craig is exaggerating a wee, slight bit. Sure, Shep was a condescending asshat, but Craig is definitely putting words in his mouth.
In case you thought Landon was doot-de-dooing around, you are wrong. She can’t wait to prove to her friends that she has a real job, and she leaves a voicemail for T-Rav to make sure he’ll be at the launch. To be fair, Thomas would’ve totally answered the phone if he hadn’t been busy whispering sweet nothings to himself in French. One by one, Landon‘s friends convene on her opening night at Scarecrow, including her millennial boy toy in wedding attire. As he tries to impress Landon with his tux and cuff links, she giggles. He may not be fancy, and he may not be rich, but have you seen his abs?
Whitney‘s date Daisy mistook the event for a roaring 1920’s theme party. She’s about two months late (and a Christina Ricci bob short) for Z’s Amazon Prime red carpet. Cameran is fascinated (who isn’t?) by Whitney’s escort. Cameran compliments Daisy’s accent. Likewise, Daisy shrills, horribly imitating Cameran’s southern drawl. Sign this chick up to be a regular cast member. Right. Now. The people have spoken, Andy Cohen!
Cameran corners Craig about why he has been avoiding her. She’s heard that Craig has been saying she’s been hateful about him behind his back. Craig clarifies that he doesn’t think Cameran is being a bad friend…he was simply repeating Shep’s speech with a bit more exaggeration than he gave Naomie. Why else would he have been kicked out of the group chat? Cameran sets the record straight. They didn’t remove him from the group chat to talk smack about his poor life choices. They did it so they had a forum to make fun of Craig’s Instagram account. I couldn’t love this reason more.
As party goers crowd around a laptop to tour the site, one of Landon‘s business partners lets it slip that she, not Landon, writes all of the content. Whitney lurks around T-Rav, hoping to find a partner in crime to snark with regarding roam. Instead, Thomas touts how high definition the site is while championing her oral skills. Laugh, laugh, wink, wink! Landon drapes herself on Thomas as he lavishes on the praise, and Shep interrupts to remind his friend that it is important for Landon to remain humble. He wants to hear her side of the story with his friends in Nantucket after giving his friends’ impression. Landon is understandably upset. She didn’t make that comment. Sure, she criticized their logo, but only because it looked like a budget dating site. Shep tries to relay that she shouldn’t burn bridges, but Landon has heard enough. She storms out of her own party.
The following night, Shep is having an ice breaker date with Chelsea at the Gin Joint, complete with a Cameran chaperone. Shep knows he needs to tread lightly. He doesn’t want to do anything crappy to one of Cameran’s nearest and dearest and jeopardize their friendship. As the trio splits the Weekend at Bernie’s, Shep delves into his conversation with Landon before Cameran dips out to make curfew.
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? WILL CRAIG GET CALLED OUT FOR EXAGGERATING SHEP’S RUDE COMMENTS?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]