After roaming around the peninsula on the previous episode of Southern Charm, the crew was up to new antic’s on last night’s installment, and it included a cameo by Billy Ray Cyrus. Could this show GET any better (typed in my best Chandler Bing font). After the requisite morning montage, Thomas Ravenel dons his Joker glasses to get down to business as Cameran Eubanks and her pal Chelsea Meissner are working out with a trainer after a boozy night. Cameran needs to counteract her gas station diet, and Chelsea dishes on her slumber party with Shepard “Shep” Rose. Spoiler alert, there was no nudity. Cameran is excited her pal may be on the Soulmate Express with the fratastic bachelor, and she encourages Chelsea to keep playing hard to get (ie, no pants dropping) to pique Shep’s interest. He’s used to girls to giving up the goods and is need of a challenge.
Craig Conover meets Landon Clements at Tavern and Table to sympathize over adulting difficulties when there are happy hours to be had. The two giggle over the pronunciation of charcuterie, making a profession out of philanthropy, and hobnobbing with the richest of the rich. Craig is working on an event for his girlfriend Naomie Olindo’s friend’s charity. It’s focus is disaster relief for orphans in Haiti, and Craig has been tasked with ordering the step and release, um, repeat. Landon and Craig bond over how hard they work and how sucky it is when their friends claim they aren’t working hard enough. Please! These tapas aren’t going to eat themselves. Someone has to do it! You can’t spell fundraiser without FUN after all.
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Shep is heading to Rhode Island for a friend’s wedding, complete with a new dop kit from his mother. Naomie stops by to get Shep’s fundraiser donation since he won’t be able to attend. Over a glass of wine, Naomie diplomatically shades Shep for his recent interaction with Craig. She explains that Craig may not know much about the organization, but she’s hoping he will be semi-helpful in planning the charity auction. Shep and Landon share their side of the mini-altercation about Landon’s lack of business acumen with Naomie and Craig respectively. Craig can relate…Shep hates to see his friends succeeding. He is only happy when Craig is floundering. Naomie counters Shep’s digs about her boyfriend, and he takes her words to heart while reminding her that he needs to speak the truth. If you’re friends aren’t hard on you, who will be?
At her Wentworth manor, Whitney Sudler-Smith visits his mother Patricia Altschul. She is tasked with packing her Louis Vuitton luggage all by her lonesome for a getaway while her butler Michael is on vacation. Bravo, step up your Pat game. This minute exchange wasn’t enough, and it included Whitney, so it was basically a wash.
Meanwhile, Kathryn Dennis meets with a modeling scout who pretends not to know the reason a make-up-less Kathryn is out of the game. When asked for recent photos, Kathryn takes out her laptop and admits she needs to update her portfolio. The scout gives an awkward nod and grimace while explaining to Kathryn the importance of maintaining current photographs. After more painful fake nodding and sympathetic head tilts, the agent suggests Kathryn look into doing a family photo shoot. Kathryn insists she’ll pursue the idea…as soon as she’s allowed to see her two kids again.
Good gravy. Thomas is channeling camo chic while saluting himself in the mirror. He’s invited Landon over for a cocktail while lamenting that he should have gone for a more mature lady…like one in her early thirties. When she asks about the whereabouts of his children, he casually replies, “
The guest house Montessori,” before offering Landon a bourbon and Coke. Coca-cola, people. Get your minds out of the back alleys. He’s a changed man! Landon declines the sugary beverage, mumbling about post-thirty metabolisms. Preach, girl. I feel ya! After ignoring T-Rav’s offer of a cocktail napkin, Landon recalls the last time she was in Thomas’ home…the night of that fateful dinner party. She believes the drama from last season has deprived her of a friendship with Thomas because people love idle gossip. He invites her to help him with an expedition polo match, and she’s thrilled they can finally connect again. Rumor mill be damned! Thomas tells Landon that he hasn’t had any contact with Kathryn, but her reveals she’s passed her drug test and is now able to have supervised visitation every other weekend. As T-Rav flirt, Landon giggles nervously.
On the day before the charity event, Naomie is frustrated with Craig for waiting until the last minute to order the step-and-repeat. He tries his best to smooth things over by imploring her not to stress. Naomie recalls her conversation with Shep regarding his negative comments about Craig, and she touts it as an actual mature way for adults to converse. Craig is floored. Naomie agrees with Shep? Where is the loyalty? Craig compares Shep to an abusive spouse, and Naomie is confused by the comparison. She is simply saying that perhaps there is some truth to Shep’s accusations that Craig being slack. She ends the debate by saying Craig needs to agree to disagree.
That evening, Thomas meets up with Shep, Austen Kroll and Mr. Mullet at Rarebit. It’s Achy Breaky Charm, y’all! Thomas is hitting on his neighbor Laura, and after she flits away, Shep admits to hooking up with her in the past. Friends share. T-Rav invites Austen to his polo match before accusing Shep of being in love with Landon. Not so! Shep is all about his revolving bedroom door. Once he even introduced himself to a cute girl a mere day after sleeping with her. Oops! Austen wants to fit the mold as Shep 2.0, but he kind of has a conscience. Is that bad? The boys head to Stars where Shep bankrolls a girl’s 21st birthday party before focusing on a girl who teases that she’s using him for sex. Before he can seal the deal, the chick’s friends pulls her away, citing real men at the bar. Shep exits with his tail between his legs to catch his flight to Rhode Island, while the same girl finds herself at the bar with Thomas (speaking of tails between legs). As only a best friend can, the girl’s baby-sitter once again swoops in to save her from certain embarrassment on national television while Austen and Whitney commentate like ESPN reporters on their friends’ game.
A couple hours before the fundraiser, Naomie is putting the final touches on the silent auction as Craig swoops in with the coveted step-and-
release-repeat. She is impressed that he pulled through in the eleventh hour until she learns he hasn’t printed out a single description for the auction items. In his defense, his printer isn’t working.
Across town, Cameran drops by Ms. Pat’s to scoop Whitney on the way to Republic for the fundraiser. With Pat and Michael on vacay (separately), Cameran likens Whitney to Kevin in Home Alone. Thomas calls to tell his friends that he won’t be attending the event because he’s heard Kathryn will be there. He doesn’t want to engage, plus, his neighbor may need some tending.
At Republic, the more Craig brags about getting things accomplished under the wire, the more Naomie seethes, proving yet again she’s the unsung heroine of the show. He passive aggressively reminds her that he’s got this, but he’s really only got this because Naomie is coming behind him fixing his mistakes. Whitney condescendingly congratulates Craig on his foray into philanthropic endeavors, and Craig retorts he’s channeling his inner Patricia. Whitney scoffs – the only similarity between Craig and his mother is that they breathe air. Naomie gripes to her parents in French about Craig’s slack-assed behavior, and I so wish I spoke another language for situations like this!
Chelsea and Austen arrive, and she teases Shep 2.0 for being sweaty. Whitney lets it slip to Cameran that Shep boasted to him about shagging Chelsea. This revelation is very different from Chelsea’s intel, and Cameran is peeved that Shep would spread rumors about her friend. She hopes that Whitney is just trying to shock her–surely Shep wouldn’t lie. Over a forced phone call, Shep denies Whitney’s claim, and Chelsea reminds Cameran that she’s an open book. If she’d schlepped Shep, Cameran would be the first to know. Plus, ew. Regardless, Chelsea seems to only have eyes for Shep 2.0. And he only has eyes for hazel-eyed, sandy blonde, 5’8 ladies. Two out of three ain’t bad! Austen invites Chelsea on a proper date, complete with a meal. Bonus points…he’ll even drive her. That’s worth its weight in Uber ratings!
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? IS AUSTEN OR SHEP A BETTER FIT FOR CHELSEA? DO WE NEED MORE OF SHEP’S MULLETED FRIEND?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]