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Below Deck Mediterranean

There are so many boating metaphors we can use when it comes to Below Deck Mediterranean but I’m going to skip those for now and draw on an analogy of sorts to describe this episode: above deck on the Sirocco, everything looks perfect and pretty but just below water, trouble is lurking. I’m not just talking about the rising tension (both sexual and otherwise) between the crew, I’m also talking about the yacht itself, which is experiencing problem after problem (after problem). First, the Sirocco was drifting too close to the rocky shoreline, putting to boat in harm’s way, along with everyone on it.This episode, it’s the anchor chain that has twisted to the point of no return.

But before we tackle the anchor problem, we still have to fix the original issue in progress, which is the yacht drifting into the rocks. The wind has picked up and Captain Sandy Yawn can’t deny that they are getting closer and closer to the rocky shoreline, which makes for great scenery, but would be really bad to get too close to (which is kind of how I view Chef Adam Glick).

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Below Deck Mediterranean recap

Captain Sandy decides the best way to handle it would be to get Max Hagley into a tender boat to push the Sirocco away from the danger zone, which Max can’t seem to understand the point of, but sure enough, Sandy was right. The yacht gets to a safe distance and they drop two anchors just to make sure they don’t drift too far again in the high winds. Personally, I don’t think there was too much at stake since there is enough silicone on board to keep two yachts afloat but I suppose even if the guests are built in flotation devices, you aren’t really supposed to rely on that to get you out of a yachting pickle.

Since they dropped two anchors, Malia White is put on anchor duty, which means she has to check it multiple times throughout the night. If Malia is on anchor duty, Lauren Cohen is on drama duty. She can’t stop sulking around the boat, upset that former fling Bobby Giancola is “soiling” her good name. Yes, she actually used those words. I’m not entirely sure how she thinks Bobby is soiling her name and why she cares so much. None of the girls care what Bobby has to say and the guys, well, they are all too busy jockeying for their chance at Malia. Lauren’s self-imposed angst is really wasted on everyone. Bobby isn’t giving her the warmest of welcomes but it doesn’t exactly warrant her crying into the laundry or sobbing as she wipes down the guest shower.

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Chief Stewardess Hannah Ferrier sees the dilemma of an emo Stewardess and asks Malia to step up and help in the interior so Lauren can go listen to some Evanescence and write in her journal (or something). Christine “Bugsy” Drake goes to tell Lauren she can stay hidden for the night and gets treated to Lauren’s pity party, with Lauren asking why this is happening to her. Given that Bugsy just lost her Gran, she can’t help but watch with a bewildered look on her face, not really in the mood for Lauren to be pondering just how unfair life can be all because of a hookup gone sour.

Speaking of sour, Bobby finally realizes that he messed up with his old pal Hannah, who is his only friend on the boat. He finally shows up a glimmer of decency and pulls her aside to apologize for overreacting the other night when they were drunk and he accused her of c*ck blocking him. He was doing so well with his apology until he started to blame Lauren for putting things into his head and confusing his little pea brain, but I guess we will take it. They hug and Hannah admits to herself that she’s been burned by Bobby before, so she’s still a bit wary.

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Dinner is on the horizon and the Mr. Skin team invites Captain Sandy to join them, which means the pressure is on for the interior crew to make everything perfect. The guests arrive for a bra optional dinner and Mr. Skin himself tells Sandy about how the Empire of Skin was built (I will spare you the details).

Adam is in the galley, trying hard to focus on dinner but is easily distracted by Malia coming in and out. He can’t resist the urge to flirt with her, despite the fact that he’s also been unlucky in love, after being in a seven year relationship that ended because of cultural difference. Between flirting and trying to keep up with making the guest requested boob cake, Adam is starting to sweat and he takes out his frustrations on Hannah, snapping at her for everything from clearing the plates too quickly to how she reads off the food orders.

As Sandy excuses herself from dinner to go look at the Mr. Skin website on her laptop (seriously!), the crew gets ready to present the grand finale of desserts – cakes that look like boobs. Adam has been toiling away at the cakes, making sure they are perfect because every luxury chef knows you’re only as good as your anatomically correct cakes. The crew changes into cheeky little t-shirts that have skimpy bathing suit print on them (you know, the ones you can get on the boardwalk at the Jersey Shore) to deliver the cakes in total style. The Skins love it and give them a standing ovation and you have to admit, it might not have been classy, but it was a nice touch.

Below Deck Mediterranean recap

While the guests finish the night out by jumping on the lazy susan and doing yoga moves in a mini dress with no underwear on, Bobby and Max retire to their cabin to check out the Mr. Skin website too, with Bobby literally slobbering on himself as he looks.

Lauren takes some alone time to call her Dad back home and get some of the support she needs. She is a self-proclaimed Daddy’s girl and admits that she headed out to sea to get away from being stuck in the middle of her parents’ bitter divorce. But now she feels like she replaced being stuck in the middle of her parents with being stuck between Bobby and Hannah, which is a pretty far stretch, if you ask me. Let’s keep things in perspective here!

Hannah and Bugsy take their own private time to talk and Hannah tells Bugsy how impressed she is with how she is managing the loss of her Gran and still doing her job. Hannah is also no stranger to loss – her brother died when she was a child so she can relate to the sadness of losing a loved one. The two bond over a shared experience and you can see their friendship growing.

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It’s a new day and time to pull the anchor up so the Sirocco can head back to port and drop off the Skins. One small problem – the anchor comes up and it’s hopelessly tangled into what Bobby would call a rat’s nest. Captain Sandy springs into action and I don’t care what anyone says about her being a micro manager, she is right where she should be when it comes to these issues – in the thick of it, guiding her crew. But Bobby doesn’t appreciate her expertise and disagrees with pretty much everything she tells him to do until she coolly reminds him that she has been in yachting for about as long as he has been alive. Wesley (who I still can’t help but call Wiz) Walton knows he has to step up as Bosun and do everything he can to help fix this anchor so they don’t have to cut it, which would cost them the rest of the yachting season.

Since they are hours over form their scheduled departure time, Hannah calls the Skins a water taxi and Wiz dives into the water to try and fix the anchor. After hours of working on the anchor, the water taxi arrives and the crew has to get into their whites to line up and bid adieu to the Skins, a full seven hours after when they were supposed to leave. This wasn’t exactly smooth sailing, but the Mr. Skin team had a blast, or more specifically, a “Skintastic time” and heap extensive praise on the whole crew. They might have been naked the whole time, but they were fun and easy going charter guests who didn’t let anything bother them.

Below Deck Mediterranean recap

After getting changed and grabbing a quick bite to refuel, the crew goes back to working on the anchor chain, worried they will have to cut the anchor. But Sandy doesn’t give up easy and they keep at it. The girls can’t offer too much more by way of helping, so Sandy gives them to go ahead to enjoy themselves for a bit. Lauren decides she’s brought the crew down enough and decides to apologize to Bugsy for being so lame and selfish with her emotions, so she redeemed herself slightly there. The girls then change into their bathing suits and have fun doing dives off the yacht into the water as Adam creepily watches Malia and talks about how hot she is. Eat a boob cake and settle down, buddy!

The anchor drama continues and we are over eight hours into the crew trying to fix it, to no avail. With the only other solution being to cut the anchor and lose the season, it’s not looking good for the crew of the Sirocco.

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Photo Credit: Bravo

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