My DVR caught the tail end of Teen Mom 2 and the highlights of what’s to come with their new season. So many questions, so many train wrecks. Leah hooked up with Jeremy? Remember Jeremy? He was her second husband who she seemed to marry after a month and get a divorce from like two weeks later. Here’s a novel idea, how about you slow down and figure out if you truly want to be married to that person and should you marry that person you give it some actual time before rushing to file for divorce! Not to be outdone, it seems one, Ms. Jenelle Evans Rogers Evans Eason, will be getting a visit from the cops regarding the welfare of her children. You know what? If the cops show up to my house asking if my child is OK I’m going to let them in and say heck yes, would you like to see just how OK? People who take care of their children don’t need to be defensive. Just in case you think the crazy is saved for the girls, Javi was thinking about proposing to Brianna? Javi, did you learn nothing from rushing into marriage with the last Teen Mom you were with? Does it not seem concerning the new Teen Mom just gave birth to her second baby with a second baby daddy and that you’ve been dating for five minutes? And then we get Chelsea crying over Adam’s mom being mean. I truly think MTV is completely irresponsible for having Janelle still on the show and I think about quitting but a trailer like this sure makes it difficult. I’m a sucker for a show that leaves me yelling and shaking my head at the tv. With that, I guess we better get on to the new business that keeps us yelling and shaking our heads: Teen Mom Young and Pregnant!
Jade: Jade kicked her parents out. She meets up with her grandma and discusses how hurt she was by her mom calling her a bad mom. Her grandma invites them for dinner. Back home, Sean seems willing and happy to go to the dinner with her family.
Ashley: Ashley is crashing with a friend after her mom kicked them out. This was earlier than her initial plan so she wants to apologize to her mom so that maybe they can move back in.
Brianna: Shockingly the apartment in a bad part of town didn’t work out (seems like that didn’t take long even for ‘Teen Mom’ time). So they are off to Chicago to move in with Danae’s mom. Danae’s mom who doesn’t babysit and doesn’t tolerate fighting – this should go well. Danae mentions that he is going to start hormone therapy and it doesn’t seem to go over very well.
Lexi: Lexi and Kyler are out to eat. Lexi is lonely. Kyler declares them in the friend zone and I have some ideas of how to get rid of the smug look on his face while he sits there and taunts her. At least Lexi says no to rubbing his feet later. I shudder at the mere thought of Kyler’s feet.
Kayla: We skip over Kayla completely so you know either nothing is happening with her storyline or some epic fight is coming.
Brianna: Back with Brianna again we learn that their plan was to come to Chicago for a month. What do you want to bet the only true plan is that there wasn’t one? Brianna is annoyed Danae is going on a job interview. She calls her sister concerned that Danae is making long-term plans and as her sister puts it, ‘trying to trap her in Chicago’. So what was the plan then? To come to Chicago and hang out for a month on extended vacation? How do these people have any money?
Kayla: Stephan is now living with Kayla and they are hooking up. The baby is timestamped at 4 weeks old. 4 weeks old, and they are hooking up? You aren’t medically cleared to be having sex until about 6 weeks.
Ashley: Ashley is looking at daycare. It costs $65 a day but has some killer playground equipment. They discuss her sitting down with her mom to talk and she admits ‘she doesn’t want any feedback that she doesn’t want to hear.’ Umm…yup. You speak for the entire franchise from Farrah to Jenelle, and Chelsea to every 16 and pregnant star we didn’t follow through a spinoff series.
Jade: Sean stayed up all night playing video games. Now he doesn’t feel well and they are having a fantastic fight over going to her family’s dinner. It ends with Jade leaving him in the apartment and the mutual wish for the other to go to hell. Ah to be young and engaged whispering sweet nothings to each other…
Lexi: Lexi meets her friend for coffee. She says Kyler keeps telling her she has to ask him out because it’s ‘her turn’. But she and her friend decide this means he wants a relationship. Lexi plans to use the baby so he has to say yes. Great.
Kayla: Kayla is turning 19 and celebrating by wearing what looks like a short, silk robe complete with a plunging V-neck and slit. The V-neck is so plunging and the slit so high that I think I truly detest this ensemble because it drives my OCD crazy that the V and slit don’t meet up in a straight line. Stephan confirms to his friend that they are ‘getting jiggy wid it’ but they aren’t ready for a relationship.
Brianna: Brianna’s mom is coming to visit (didn’t they leave two days ago?). Danae is gone for the job interview and she stalked his Instagram to learn that he is now hanging out with friends. She meets her mom and for dinner and expresses concern that Danae wants to be in Chicago longer. Clearly, her mom is concerned. All I care about is that she moves her bangs out of her eyes! Seriously!
Jade: Jade is upset Sean bailed on her for dinner. She regales the tales of their dysfunction. While anyone in a relationship has been there, sometimes not telling family exactly what happened is ok and saves you from a lot of opinions.
Lexi: Lexi decorates a onesie for the baby so she can ask Kyler out. When Kyler gets there they talk and Kyler changes the baby, naturally without reading the onesie. Lexi asks if he read what it said and he shakes his head sullenly while staring at his phone. She bursts into tears and leaves the room to sob. Kyler eventually summons the energy to set the phone down and glance at what the onesie says.
When we come back from commercial we are back to Lexi. Someday she is going to figure out how gorgeous she is and how much better she can do. For now, she is stuck in the pain of wanting to be with an overweight, condescending, douche canoe who doesn’t want to put a label on their relationship. Can someone point out a redeeming quality of Kyler? I guess he occasionally comes to her house and holds his baby but I would consider this, you know, fatherhood. Is there a quality that could actually make him a decent partner in a relationship? If they get a reunion you know it’s going to be all about getting a bad edit, but seriously, I can’t with him.
Ashley: Ashley goes to her mom’s house to try to make things right. Her mom accepts her apology but doesn’t approve of the engagement.
Kayla: Kayla wants to establish their relationship and Stephan doesn’t want a relationship. They are not on the same page but again we confirm they have been hooking up.
Brianna: Holy emotions, Batman! Brianna is upset that with hormone treatment Danae will want to be in Chicago for at least a year. Danae is upset that Brianna won’t give that time since he has spent 2 years in Wisconsin for her. Danae says Brianna doesn’t have to stay. Danae doesn’t seem to want to go back to Wisconsin at all. In a moment of enlightenment, Brianna says, ‘we didn’t think anything through.’ Um yeah, we know. Danae seems really upset by the 2 years away from home and says now Brianna knows what it’s like and that they put him out multiple times and he had nowhere to go. Danae says again that Brianna can go, and then says that he wants Brianna gone and doesn’t want to be together anymore. A few things, I’ve been wondering about hormone treatment since Danae seems very emotional and angry. If that hasn’t started yet then some anger management or some way to manage emotions needs to be looked at because this isn’t a great base with which to go into an intensive hormone treatment. Brianna doesn’t really seem to recognize that Danae has been working and providing for them and stepping up for a baby, all while being in an unsteady position at her mom’s house. That is a lot to ask and its really unstable. I think this is part of the dysfunction in their relationship. That said, Brianna needs to take care of her baby and this fighting is not ok. They need to be done.
TELL US – WHICH COUPLE IS IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL?
Photo Credit: MTV