Episode 2 of Below Deck Sailing Yacht opened just after Captain Glenn Shephard learned that the Parsifal III’s engine was full of salt water. It was going to take 15 days to take the engine apart, clean it and reassemble it. Fun times!
The Parsifal III Is Still Not For Sail
The situation with the boat is dire. The local engineers were telling Captain Glenn that their shop was not available to do the fix, since it would take 15 days. “That’s bulls–t!” interjected Colin MacRae, the Parsifal’s Chief Engineer. “I’ve seen it done in 5 days!” But Captain Glenn explained, “The problem is we don’t have the rebuild kit. It might take us two or three days just to find it.”
“On top of that,” Glenn added, “we have guests on board who do not get their sailing holiday. Sucks to be me right now.” Glenn was not a happy captain.
Meanwhile, in an effort to keep the non-sailing guests somewhat happy, Chief Stew Daisy Kelliher was serving them a huge breakfast a couple of decks up. I love me some eggs bennie, any flavor. Yum! As soon as Daisy left the food on the table, one of the ladies brought up, “We will not make them do espresso martinis again. There has to be a limit.”
Her friend questioned that idea. “Why would you say there should be a limit?” she asked. I’m with her! It’s their vacation. They laid out a pile of cash for this sailing yacht that’s currently unable to sail. I think they’re entitled to eat ALL the gourmet food and drink ALL the alcohol. Don’t worry about the crew. That’s what they’re there for. To serve you, the paying guests.
On her way back to the galley, Daisy ran into Junior Stew Lucy Edmunds in the passageway. “Lucky” Lucy was wearing the wrong charter uniform: a tee shirt instead of the collared polo, and a black skort rather than the grey one.
“Oh, hey,” Daisy told Lucy, “this is our uniform,” indicating what she was wearing. Lucy claimed she “literally forgot.” But Daisy just told her to finish up what she was doing in the cabins and then go change.
Back at the breakfast table, Charter Guest Karen (oof, such an unfortunate name to have these days — almost as bad as “Debbie”) was making a pretend phone call. “Hello?” she spoke into her cell. “We need an engine, Can you bring me one? Yes, Parsifal III. Thank you so much . . . They’ll be right over,” she announced, to half-hearted chuckles.
Number One Mission: Distract The Guests From The No-Sailing Part Of The Sailing Yacht
Even though I’m sure there are a million things he’d rather be doing, Captain Glenn stepped into the lion’s den and faced the guests with more bad news. “How are you guys doing?” he asked, although he certainly knew they weren’t happy. “It looks like we’re not leaving the dock [again today],” he apologized.
“So we’re not going anywhere?” a guest inquired sadly. Embarrassed to be the bearer of bad news, Glenn tried to shift the mood. “That doesn’t mean that you guys can’t go somewhere and have fun,” he offered. “There’s a beach a couple of miles away. It’s really nice.”
Fortunately, they bought that idea and said it sounded “fabulous.” Glenn breathed a sigh of relief and beat a hasty retreat. Charter Guest Karen (of course) was not happy. “I love everybody,” she announced. “But I’m done with this. Let’s leave.” Her comment elicited more giggles, but I don’t think she was kidding.
Since the inside crew was so overwhelmed with work and had a mountain of laundry to do, Daisy decided to send the “boys” with the guests on their beach excursion. “Me sending a girl to open up beer bottles [for the guests] would not be a good move,” she said. “Fortunately, Gary [King]’s not here to argue with me.”
Back in the cabin, Karen was on a roll. “We’re not going anywhere,” she complained, “except on a blow-up raft.” She wasn’t really wrong.
On the bridge, Glenn called everywhere he could think of, trying to find the parts they needed to repair the engine. He wasn’t having much luck. Even if he had “all the money in the world,” it wouldn’t make any difference since there was just nothing available.
Meanwhile, the ladies were boarding the tender to go to the beach. Of course, everybody wanted a roadie, but there was no cocktail ice to be found, even though Daisy insisted she had loaded it. Glenn radioed Daisy to bring two bags of ice to the tender ASAP.
“These guests are having less than the best experience possible,” Glenn understated. Sadly true. When Daisy insisted there was ice already in the tender (it was in the ice bucket), Glenn lost his cool. “I’d rather have two than none. Let’s get these guests going.” I hope the guests didn’t hear all the F-words Glenn was using. They were already upset enough without pouring fuel on the fire.
Colin MacRae Saves The Day
Having thought it through, Colin came to Captain Glenn with an unorthodox plan to get the boat moving again. He figured out a way to clean out the saltwater and run the engine without using the aftercooler. They would have to take it slow, but they’d be able to get off the dock. It would be less efficient and require them to limit their speed to four of five knots, but it should work.
A very relieved Captain Glenn exclaimed, “That’s five knots faster than we’re doing now!” Colin should get a raise for saving everyone’s butts (and tips). If they can’t get that boat moving again, they all might as well go home, because their charter season would be over.
While the guests were partying on the beach, Lucy and the other Junior Stew Madison (Mads) Herrera were busy cleaning the guest cabins. The women had strewn their crap everywhere, piled dirty towels in the bathtub, and even clogged the sink drains. One of the stews (I can’t tell you which one, because they both look exactly the same) “guaranteed” that there had been vomiting in the cabins the night before since everyone had been so wasted. I’ve been on cruise ships (I know, I’m too poor for a charter), and I know that puking is very hard on nautical plumbing.
Speaking of vomiting, Chef Ileisha Dell‘s blender just went all The Exorcist and spewed green goo over the entire galley, including the ceiling and Ileisha’s white chef’s coat. Looks like dinner will be a little late. Don’t think it’ll matter because, judging by the intoxicated state of the guests coming back from the beach, they won’t be able to taste it anyway. The boat’s plumbing should expect another workout tonight.
Even while the guests were complaining about not being able to leave the dock — “I can do this in Florida” (pretty sure that was Karen) — Colin was nearly done with the tedious job of cleaning saltwater out of the engine. “We’ve got as much of the water out as we possibly can,” he said. “The next step is to actually start the engine and just shoot out anything remaining in the cylinders.”
“I don’t know many engineers that would take this on,” Colin added. “But it kind of excites me in a way.” While hosing down the outside of the boat, deckhand Chase Lemacks asked his co-worker Alex Propson, “You catching vibes from anyone yet?”
“No,” Alex answered. “I don’t really focus too much on ladies yet.” In an interview, Alex confessed that he likes “brunettes with nice teeth.” Since Daisy, Lucy, and Mads are all blondes, where does that leave Alex? Although he thinks they’re all lovely, none of them is really his type. “[But] it’s a long time on a boat,” Alex admitted. “Whatever happens happens. We’ll see.”
Time for an update on Gary, who was still at home hoping to get a negative Covid test so he could return to his job. Those green deckhands could use some training, even though they seemed to be coping pretty well in his absence. Captain Glenn was once again texting Gary to find out what his status was. “Hey dude, when’s your next test?” he wrote. “We need some good news.”
“Tomorrow morning,” Gary responded. “Fingers crossed.”
Meanwhile below deck, Daisy was subtly flirting with Alex. “I mean, Alex is really good-looking,” Daisy admitted in a production interview, “but I don’t want to be hooking up with any junior deckhands . . . [But] I really do enjoy looking at him.” She’s Chief Stew, for f***’s sake! She’s waiting for Gary’s return. At least he’s the First Mate, her equal in the hierarchy. Or perhaps those rumors about the triangle with her, Gary, and Colin will come to fruition. Can’t wait to find out!
While the rest of the crew were setting the dinner table, polishing wine glasses, and delivering even more towels to the guest cabins, Colin was still down in the engine room, attempting to start the engine. After cranking it for so long that I was afraid he’d drain the battery, it finally turned over. And angels sang! “F*** yes!” Colin fist-pumped. “I knew we [meaning “I”] could do it!” Overjoyed with relief and gratitude, Captain Glenn shouted, “Dude! Is that the main engine running?”
“Yes!!!” Colin laughed, as he ran up the stairs to the bridge. “F*** yeah, baby!” Glenn cackled, as he gleefully hugged his Chief Engineer. “That’s amazing!”
Colin just saved the charter season. He should have a big “S” on the front of his uniform. He’s a superhero. “I’m so f***ing stoked right now,” he crowed, as the rest of the crew hugged and celebrated.
“Everyone give Colin a pat on the back,” Glenn announced. “Incredible. Colin’s always been a legend, but he’s just gone up like three notches in my eyes.”
Even though he was elated about the change in their fortunes, the Captain was still feeling a little cautious about their situation. “Until we get her out to sea and test her under load,” he said, “I don’t want to get too excited. But, I’m feeling good.”
Chef Ileisha Hits A Homerun, While Lucy Faces A Hellscape In The Guest Cabins
As the guests gathered on the aft deck for dinner, everyone wanted to sit next to Captain Glenn. The first course was a cucumber gazpacho with olive oil pearls and fresh radish. Sounds delicious to me! Alex thought it sounded disgusting because he’s a Philistine.
At that same moment, Lucy was confronted with a hellscape in the guest cabins. Apparently, the guests were packing and suitcases had been piled everywhere (it always amazes me how much luggage people bring for a two-night charter). Everything was total chaos. The camera even zoomed in on blood smeared on a bed sheet. I can’t even. Who lives like that? Telling herself, “All right, let’s do this,” Lucy took a deep breath and plunged in.
“I am disgusted,” Lucy interviewed. “There is blood on the carpet. Clothes everywhere. It stank of fish.” Ugh. Fish? I don’t even want to know. Shockingly, it seems rich people can be gross, disgusting pigs.
Back at the dinner table, the staff was presenting the next course, which, ironically, was a tuna taco with a parmesan crust and honey mustard sauce. Again it looked delicious, but a little too soon after what Lucy was dealing with in the cabins.
In the galley, Ileisha was fighting her OCD as she prepared for the next course. Her perfectionism was slowing her down, forcing her to have second thoughts about every small detail. The main course was a surf and turf creation: rib-eye with grilled prawns and truffle butter. Again, I’m drooling, and the guests loved it.
When Daisy went down to check on how Lucy was doing with the cabins, she told her to strip the bed with the blood on it and just redo it. They would deal with the sheets the next day, once the guests had gone.
As soon as dinner was done, the guests retired to their now-clean cabins and went to bed. Pretty sure the tired crew followed as soon as possible.
The next morning, even though Colin was anxious to try taking the boat out, Glenn vetoed that idea. The guests were leaving at noon, so sadly there wouldn’t be enough time to take them out for a sail. In addition, the weather wasn’t conducive to sailing. And Glenn added, “There’s no wind, and there’s rain.”
As the ladies enjoyed another beautiful breakfast on the aft deck, Mads got her turn with the ghastly guest cabins. Even though they didn’t get to go sailing, these guests really put the crew through the wringer. I hope they have the good grace to leave them a decent tip, but I’m not holding my breath.
As he headed to the bridge, Glenn texted Gary the good news about Colin getting the engine running. But his good news was dampened by Gary’s response, “Wow that’s great! Is this a bad time to say I tested positive again? :(” Gary’s disappointing announcement caused Glenn to mutter, “I need a drink.”
Two Karens Try To Stiff The Crew On The Tip
As the deckhands loaded the guests’ luggage into a van, the ladies urged someone (I’m guessing it was Karen, as the “most outspoken of the group”) to make a statement to the staff. Dun dun DUN. I don’t have a good feeling about this.
“What’s going on?” Captain Glenn asked, as Karen tearily approached. “Honestly, I felt like we were getting punked,” she began. “We had no toilet paper.” Really? All I saw was Lucy and Mads refilling the toilet paper. “No towels, no bathmats.” So what were all those used towels discarded in the tub then? “Honestly,” Karen continued, “aside from being with my best friend and the company . . . worst trip of my life.”
“Really,” Glenn was flabbergasted at Karen’s review. “We take pride in making sure you guys have everything at all times.” As Daisy was walking past at that moment, Glenn invited her to join the conversation. He told her, “They were just saying there were a few things where we dropped the ball.”
Even though they said Daisy had been “absolutely lovely,” Karen’s bestie told her, “Nobody took out the trash. There was no toilet paper. We had no towels. It was just kind of a hot mess.” What a liar! Everybody who watched this show knows none of that was true.
Knowing these women were full of poopoo, Daisy politely blew them off by saying, “I’ll speak to the girls. I’m sorry about that.” What good would be accomplished by calling out these lying bitches? The whole world will see the proof on TV that they live in a fantasy world. Personally, my feeling is that they were looking for a refund or at least a deep discount because they didn’t get to leave the dock.
Trying to prepare her staff, Daisy told Lucy and Mads, “Just warning you that they’re complaining about us . . . well, complaining about me. It’s fine, but just so you know.”
Just as I suspected, the rest of the group was waiting in the lounge for the two Karens, and one of them commented, “Neither one of them [the Karens] wanted to give extra money.” So they were trying to get out of leaving a tip. The rest of them were discussing how much tip to leave, with one of them saying, “I think we should leave a lot more,” and another woman agreed, “I’m totally down.” They all stood around on the aft deck shuffling Benjamins, as they decided that they needed to make up for their cheapo friends. Bless their hearts.
Back in the lounge, Karen #1 told Karen #2, “I love you for loving me, even when I’m an asshole.” There’s a moment of self-awareness for you. Saying goodbye, Karen #2 said, “Things could have been better, but overall you guys were fantastic. So, girls’ trip of a lifetime.” I thought it was the “worst trip of your life?” After handing Glenn the tip envelope, she disembarked, while the crew smiled and waved. They were smiling on the outside, but seething on the inside.
Despite the nasty comments, Glenn still said, “Great job, everyone.” They did their best under difficult circumstances. Back to work, cleaning up all the mess.
Going forward, Daisy told her stews, “The aim is to improve. Completely stock up the cupboards with toilet paper, so as to avoid [any complaints]. Do you feel like as a team, we did all we could . . . to deliver?” The Chief Stew just chalked it up to being a “hard charter” and encouraged them to keep learning and improving.
Finally, the moment the crew had been waiting for: Glenn called them to the “saloon” for the tip meeting. “That was the Mother of all intense first charters,” he said. “Missing first mate, no engine. Just that we survived that charter is pretty amazing.”
“Colin,” he added, “well done. I would say that it’s the most challenging engineering problem I’ve ever come across in my career. That’s never happened [before]. Kudos. I can’t thank you enough.”
“Daisy,” he continued, “not being able to leave the dock put an extra strain on especially you guys, so thank you all for your efforts. Ileisha, the guests seemed quite pleased with the food. Personally, I agree, because it was delicious.”
“Chase and Alex,” he went on, “thanks for taking the initiative on deck. As far as the status of our first mate, of course, I will pass [that] on as soon as I have news.”
Of course, all they really wanted to hear was the amount of the tip they would all divide. Drum roll, please. That amount was $19,100 US dollars. Wow! Much better than I was expecting. I’m sure much more than they were expecting after the fiasco with the two Karens. Thank god the other women had the decency to step up and pad the tip on behalf of their two deadbeat friends. The surprise and relief in the room were palpable.
And with that, Glenn announced that he’d organized a nice dinner and drinks to reward the crew for their hard work. Cheers! Let the debauchery begin! The crew enjoyed a lovely outdoor dinner, after which they returned to the boat and continued getting absolutely wasted. I could never do that. My body won’t tolerate that much alcohol and rebels after just a couple of drinks. Maybe that’s a blessing in disguise.
Colin wisely decided to call it an early night. In an interview, he confessed, “I would love to get sh**-faced with my crew tonight, but it’s not actually over for me, because tomorrow’s sea trial day. I have to be mature about this one.”
While Colin responsibly went to bed, the rest of the crew drunkenly frolicked in the hot tub. Chase confessed to Alex, “Daisy’s a looker, bro.”
“I kind of love Daisy,” Alex confessed. “But I also love Mads.” They agreed, “Whoever gets there first.” But then a game of Truth or Dare was suggested, so of course Chase dared Alex to make out with Daisy. Someone else dared Chase to kiss Madison.
Ileisha seemed a little shocked. “What is happening?” she giggled in an interview. “If this is night one, I don’t know how the rest of the season is going to go.” Has she worked on a boat before? Isn’t it always like this when the guests are gone and the crew needs to blow off some steam?
It’s only going to get worse when Gary finally manages to test negative and joins this crazy crew. From the previews, it looks like maybe it will happen soon. Can’t wait for his return and the drama that’s promised to ensue. See you next week!
TELL US – DO YOU THINK THE SERVICE WAS REALLY AS BAD AS THE TWO KARENS CLAIMED IT WAS? WERE YOU HAPPY THE OTHER WOMEN STEPPED UP AND COMPENSATED FOR THEM IN THE TIP? HOW MUCH DO YOU MISS GARY?
[Photo by: Fred Jagueneau/Bravo]