Well, yachties, this is it. The Season 2 finale of Below Deck Sailing Yacht. We’ve made it through a pandemic. The dreadful Barrie Drewitt-Barlow and his twisted Brady Bunch. One charter cut short by COVID, and another cancelled altogether. A pissing match over pita bread. A broken-down tender. “Ta-tas for Trump.” The least empowering women’s empowerment dinner of all time. A chlamydia scare (that turned out to be just run-of-the-mill chafing). And a messy love triangle that’s still not over. Honestly, what didn’t happen this season? Actually I do have something: it was a rare season where no one got fired.
So, remember last week when I pointed out the potential for the first-ever crossover event in Below Deck history? Yeah…that didn’t happen. Which I also predicted, but it still feels like a missed opportunity. Especially with Season 6 of Below Deck Mediterranean right around the corner. But alas. Instead, we get a completely different crew from the Lady Michelle for the final charter of the season. For reference, that is the boat we’ll be seeing next season on Below Deck Med. So now I’m left wondering about filming schedules and whether the two shows overlapped. Did Sailing Yacht wrapped before Captain Sandy Yawn and co. headed to Croatia? Was it the other way around? I need to know.
We’ve reached the penultimate episode of this charter season on Below Deck Sailing Yacht. And if you think this season has been off-kilter and slightly bizarre, I’ve got news for you. It’s not over yet. So prepare for things to take several unexpected left turns before this season crashes into the metaphorical dock. For one thing, we still caught in a love triangle that will…Literally. Never. Die. We still have serious questions surrounding Dani Soares‘ surprise pregnancy to account for. And just when you thought we’d made it through filming in a pandemic unscathed, COVID attempts to get the last laugh…
But back to that love triangle. We thought this had reached a conclusion weeks ago. Except last we left them, Gary King was planning on sleeping with Sydney Zaruba to get back at Alli Dore for breaking things off with him. Which she only did after finding out he’d already slept with Sydney. Gary’s need for female attention is like a demented merry-go-round. And surprise, you can never get off. Which, come to think of it, is probably more than fine with Sydney, who seems perfectly happy to be used in Gary’s sordid hookup revenge plot. The only person talking any sense in the situation is Colin Macrae, who flat out tells Gary he’s being a complete idiot. But Gary’s made up his mind and is determined to sleep with Sydney (again).
If the Below Deck Sailing Yacht crew wasn’t on their A-game in last week’s episode, Captain Glenn Shephard will be disappointed to know the scrambling carries over into this week. Maybe it’s residual from the crash a few episodes back. Or maybe it’s the gaggle of ladies currently on board. But something has definitely put the crew on the wrong foot and nearly everyone seems to be underperforming. That being said, the worst offender continues to be Natasha De Bourg, who keeps everyone waiting as she throws together lunch at the very last second for the guests’ beach picnic. I mean, she literally has the audacity to snap at Captain Glenn when he asks her to hurry. Girl, you’re the one not doing your job. Get a grip.
Even worse, Natasha‘s constant incompetence is making everyone else look bad. Particularly the interior. Which means the mess particularly falls on Daisy Kelliher‘s shoulders. And considering she’s pretty much right up there with Kate Chastain as one of the best chief stews in the Below Deck universe, that’s particularly unfair. Because Daisy is really good at her job. (Seriously, even Kate says so.) If the worst mistake you make in a charter season is radio’ing that you “found” more rosé, you’re a pretty stellar department head.
When it comes to the larger Below Deck universe, does anyone out there actually care all that much about drama between guests? That’s the question I kept returning to as I watched this week’s episode of Below Deck Sailing Yacht. Sure, it makes for good TV when they’re particularly obnoxious or memorable. (Think the Drewitt-Barlow family from earlier this season.) Or when they’re making things miserable for the crew with their wild antics. (I.e. Deloris going overboard for a midnight swim on last season of Below Deck.) But when the guests are busy fighting amongst themselves, I tend to check out. It’s just not that interesting in the context of the story any iteration of Below Deck is telling.
Apparently, Bachelor Nation alum Erica Rose and her friends didn’t get this memo. Or chose to ignore it in an effort to either A.) vie for camera time or B.) use this charter as their personal audition reel for the Real Housewives. As the episode opens, they’re still fighting over lunch, with one convinced that she’s being shunned by all her frenemies for…get this. Being the prettiest one in the group. For real. These guests are so vain and immature that their arguments sound like they should be happening in a middle school cafeteria. “Mom, can you come pick me up? Everyone’s picking on me because I’m the prettiest one at the sleepover!” Girl, please.
Nothing like a little chlamydia scare to add insult to injury, huh? This season of Below Deck Sailing Yacht just has everything. Love triangles! Ships crashing into the dock! Filming during a global pandemic! Sailing! Truly the only thing we’re missing is another Deloris jumping overboard to cap off the season. And hey, there are still two charters left, so there’s still time. But before we jump into the venereal-seeming elephant in the room, we need to talk about the boat. You know, the one that crashed into the dock at the end of last week’s episode?
Yes. So. Parsifal’s stern rather regrettably smashed right into the dock. And Captain Glenn Shephard is mad. No, more than mad. He’s furious. This is by far the most angry we’ve ever seen the laidback Canadian cap on either season. And for good reason. Because realistically, this is one of the worst accidents in Below Deck history. It’s worse than anchors getting tangled up. Or the tender breaking down. Frankly the only thing worse that’s ever happened was the time Ashton Pienaar nearly died. At least with this accident no one was injured.
Do we think Sydney Zaruba and Alli Dore are going to argue over Gary King in every episode of Below Deck Sailing Yacht? Because that’s what it’s starting to feel like. Last week, Gary couldn’t believe the women were fighting over him. This week I can’t believe the fight is still going. When confronted by Alli, Sydney claims she doesn’t have “any tears in her soul” for either of the love birds…right before she bursts into tears over them. And despite all the drama, Alli still ends up in Gary’s bed for the night.
The next morning, things are looking up because it’s the crew’s day off! In every iteration of Below Deck, the crew usually gets only one full day off per season, so it needs to be taken advantage of when it happens. Dani Soares and Jean-Luc Cerza Lanaux emerge from the master cabin in a hungover haze. Dani claims she doesn’t remember much of the night before. Including hooking up with Alli, which she chalks up to some drunken fun. And rather hilariously, Colin Macrae takes over the galley for the morning to teach Natasha De Bourg a thing or two about eggs. Hearing the chief engineer ask the chef if she knows what sunny side up is was easily the funniest line of the night.
Anchors aweigh, JL saves the day! Who knew our boy Jean-Luc Cerza Lanaux had it in him? And who knew Gary King would trust his junior deckhand with such a dangerous, potentially deadly task? (Especially one that could lead to a terrifying watery grave.) On second thought, maybe it makes sense that Gary would put JL in that position rather than risk himself. But either way, the deckhand came through in a crisis. But as always, I’m getting ahead of myself…
At the end of last week’s Below Deck Sailing Yacht, Jean-Luc was not exactly getting a heroic edit. Far from it, in fact. With the charter guests roasting atop an ancient Croatian castle, he couldn’t be bothered to stop eating dinner and bring them a few bottles of water. Instead, Gary had to rush down from the highest tower and do JL’s job for him. Before the deckhand could even find the cooler bag, Gary had made it to Parsifal and back, bragging to Daisy Kelliher that he knew he’d do the job quicker than JL.
Sydney Zaruba is a bit unhinged when it comes to love. That’s become a well-established fact in the universe of Below Deck Sailing Yacht. But it turns out that when you add alcohol, she gets even worse. This is something poor Alli Dore learned quickly at the end of last week’s episode. You know, the one where a drunk Sydney went on the attack and drove Alli to flee to her cabin with her constant passive-aggressive jabs. Last week, Colin Macrae chalked it up Sydney just being a scary drunk. But this week, he expounds on his theory that it all goes back to the love triangle that never ends. Sydney’s just jealous and picking a fight over Gary King.
Thankfully, we quickly skip ahead to the next morning. Which turns out to be a turnaround day on the boat, since the next charter doesn’t start until the following afternoon. Jean-Luc Cerza Lanaux and Dani Soares emerge from their guest cabin in postcoital bliss. Or at least general giddiness. (They even used the master suite because it tuns out JL’s 6’9″ frame won’t even fit in the other guest beds, either.) And Alli‘s waking up to the realization that yes, she has a growing “attachment” to Gary. But she refuses to do anything about it on account of Sydney‘s, ahem, rather intense feelings for the shaggy-haired first mate.