Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap

Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap: Sweet Dreams

8 months

Well the day has finally arrived when Jenna MacGillivray and Adam Glick pushed things too far on Below Deck Sailing Yacht. Karma, my friends, is blowing in the winds!

I just cannot even with the sheer ridiculousness of Jenna and Adam. Here is Jenna abandoning her job to the underlings – literally leaving a third stew with little serving experience to manage a table full of guests – while she goes and has a conversation with Adam about the wall he has built around himself to keep out love. IT HAS BEEN SIX WEEKS.

I get it — being on yacht time is like being in a time warp where the normal rules don’t exist. I mean, we’ve had people demanding tickets to Prague and all sorts of hootenanny over yachtmances, but Jenna takes the case!

Below Deck Sailing Yacht,Recaps

Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap: Whistle While You Work

8 months

It’s official – Adam Glick is a bad omen. There he was whistling, whistling, whistling…. all throughout the entire episode of Below Deck Sailing Yacht, and everywhere he blew a tune bad luck soon followed.

Georgia Grobler is secretly in love with Paget Berry, one half of an incestuous set of twins, but in order to keep the on-board harmony Georgia is forced to succumb to a date with Chris Miller, a sunny side up egg in a carton of hard boiled.

Jenna MacGillivray just wants Adam to love her, however the more she begs the more he rolls up the windows on his trusty traveling van and puts up a “No Emotional Vacancies” sign. Madison Stalker just wants to be understood, and appreciated, and loved, and accepted and all the things one will not find in the storage hull of a super yacht. Captain Glenn Shephard just wants to have the perfect sail, but in his quest for an uncomplicated voyage he finds himself throttled by the wind.

Below Deck Sailing Yacht,Recaps

Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap: It’s Not About The Flowers!

8 months

Last night’s Below Deck Sailing Yacht was a battle for the most annoying egos. Starting with charter guest Lyndi, whose voice had a fabricated squeakiness I assume she thinks is cute and charming, but actually sounds like a five-year-old in Suzuki violin lessons. Then there was Adam Glick. Someone please just drop him in a barren wasteland, far from any females for the remainder of his days.

Lyndi is on this trip with her boyfriend Jesse, who she decidedly does not love. Maybe she did love him until she tasted Adam… Adam’s food that is. It’s probably that Lyndi mostly eschews calories, so being around the decadence of Adam’s cooking which contain *gasp* fat grams has her in a state of arousal.

After arguing with Jesse at dinner because she won’t stop openly hitting on Adam, Lyndi and her pal sneak down to the galley to harass him. Jenna MacGillivray is standing right there, watching as these OC wannabe Barbies throw themselves at him. Adam always seems like he smells like grease and fish – uck.

Below Deck Sailing Yacht,Recaps

Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap: Out With The Old…

9 months

Last night on Below Deck Sailing Yacht we lost one crew member and gained a new one. I stand by my stance that Parker McCown is appalling. He has no respect for authority, plus his over-confidence and arrogance is so typical white male privilege. He’s like Gordon Gekko of the high seas.

In a meeting with Captain Glenn Shephard and Paget Berry about whether or not he should be fired, Parker yells at the Captain, argues that he’s being stressed out, then decides to flip this whole firing thing into him resigning because that’s how positive people handle problems. Plus he doesn’t like to be around people who don’t love him. Parker does realize he was gonna be fired anyway, right?

Parker’s real problem is that he doesn’t want to work. He wants to blow all his tip money proposing to the ex-girlfriend, Kati, who dumped him a couple months ago because she wanted to sleep with other guys, then begged him back when she saw a free trip to Greece and the opportunity to be on TV.

Below Deck Sailing Yacht,Recaps

Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap: The Problem With Parker

9 months

Oh, the men on Below Deck strike again. This franchise is cursed by toxic, ridiculous men, isn’t it? And Below Deck Sailing Yacht proves to be no exception! Last night’s chief offenders where Adam Glick (duh) and Parker McCown who has the emotional reserves of a toddler and the coping skills of a drunk frat boy being told the keg is empty.

Well, at least the charter guests were lovely! Both to look at and interact with. Maisa, the primary, is a scout for Playboy Slovenia which sounds like the type of job one has as a glorified yacht girl turned trophy wife. Still Maisa was polite and charming. Most of the guests this season have been great – and even those who sucked as people were at least good tippers. Maybe sail boats put people in better moods than motor yachts?

Adam has his manties in a twist because it turns out that Jenna MacGillivray and Georgia Grobler have a shared ex-boyfriend named Johan. Jenna dated him for a couple months and finds this random connection hilarious. Her current boyfriend Adam — not so much. Adam literally rips Georgia a new one for making a joke about it. Georiga is visibly shaken as she tells Jenna about Adam’s reaction.

Below Deck Sailing Yacht,Recaps

Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap: Two Can Play That Game!

9 months

Relationships went bang and fizzled on last night’s Below Deck Sailing Yacht. The good news is Jenna MacGillivray finally got her wish to f–ck Adam Glick! Cue a marching band to play in their honor. The bad news is Jenna also f–ked Georgia Grobler‘s ex-boyfriend, Johan. Yo, Johan, wherever you are we need a Below Deck cameo immediately! Identify yourself.

Also this is a cautionary tale of why you do not stalk ancient instagram photos of your ex. A) You might accidentally ‘like’ one of his 3,000 year old photos, thus outing yourself as a stalker. B) You might discover that your ex is also the ex of your current boss. Tres Awkward! Especially when current boss is now dating your other current boss, who is none too happy about the spit you swaped with previous companions.

And oh man is Georiga swapping the spit this episode!

Below Deck Sailing Yacht,Recaps

Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap: Calm Seas, Rocky Beaches

9 months

Ahhhh… we are midway through the charter season on Below Deck Sailing Yacht. As well known from previous iterations of Below Deck, this means a time of shifting loyalties, relationships beginning to either fray or cement, and crew-wide fatigue.

Over on the rockiest beach in the world, Jenna MacGillivray and Adam Glick arrive prepared to host a beach BBQ for the guests only to find what looks like a hoarder emptied their storage shed on the shore. What reality show is this?!

Ciara Duggan and Madison Stalker have been there for 4 hours but it might as well have been 4 years. They look like they just escaped a shipwreck and were required to use Madison’s bra as a fishing net. They are sweaty, burnt, hobbling around creatures surprised to recognize other forms of human life (or perhaps disappointed that those human lives were Adam and Jenna?). This is what being off the boat unsupervised does for a yachtie!

Now it’s T-30 minutes until the guests, dressed for dinner at the country club, arrive and nary an umbrella is unfolded. Jenna is in overdrive, panic mode. OK, seriously, what the eff was going on that island all day?

Below Deck Sailing Yacht,Recaps

Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap: Sabotage!!

9 months

I have so many conflicting feelings about what’s going on with Below Deck Sailing Yacht. Like is everyone conspiring against Madison Stalker? Are Jenna MacGillivray and Adam Glick both psychotics who deserve each other? Is Parker McCown a secret serial killer, ala Patrick Bateman. I know it’s not popular but you guys — I just get a bad feeling about him. I mean, I basically get a bad feeling about everyone except for Captain Glenn Shephard and Byron Hissey. So maybe that’s the problem?

I definitely DO NOT have good feelings about the new Below Deck Sailing charter guest Yana, and her, um… diet and cat noises? Is her brain so deprived from lack of food she can’t form complete thoughts which is why she just says “meow”?

Jenna is crying on a dock after begging Adam to sleep with her. They’ve been ‘dating,’ in the loose manor of yacht dating, for the equivalency of 2 charters. Possibly 2 and a half. It is not. that. serious. Adam turns her down because he’s trying to retain some small vestige of professionalism (GO ADAM), and Jenna freaks out that he’s icing her out by putting up emotional walls. Jenna claims she just wants to get closer to him — so how about asking about his childhood, instead of using bumping uglies as a bandaid for actual intimacy. Seems a little… immature, no?

Below Deck Sailing Yacht,Recaps

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Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap