Welcome to the recap for The Valley Season 2 Episode 13. In the last episode, Kristen finally got the proposal of her dreams, minus the dolphins. Yet, Janet figured out a way to make it all about her. This week, the saga continues as Janet threatens to rain on Kristen’s parade. Jax makes a mess of things again. Zack and Kristen are annoyed AF with Brittany, who seems to be always choosing Team Janet. So here’s exactly what happened on The Valley Season 2 Episode 13, “The Cruise From Hell.”
Aloha from the newly engaged
The after-fishing impromptu engagement party is gorgeous. Well done, Zack, for all the hard work. The drinks are flowing (Danny has already grabbed a tequila-based drink), and everyone seems to be in the happiest of moods. The issue isn’t lost on me that Janet, who willingly excluded Kristen and Zack from her baby moon, is now also left out. But I would argue it’s by choice, and she seemed fine not to cheers to the happy couple. But for some reason, B is fighting the fight for the Capernas. Girl, just take a shot and simmer down.
Brittany won’t back down
Zack makes an outstanding point, noting that the Big Big Bear trip is not the same as this engagement party. Everyone was invited. Let’s repeat: EVERYONE WAS INVITED. Janet chose to remove herself. In a weird turn, Jasmine once again goes off on a tangent to complain about Nia and Danny being late. Brittany seconds that emotion, saying, “Well, if no one is going to be held accountable, then I’m going to leave.” Honestly, the remark came out of right field. It turns out that B is just butthurt she didn’t get to be on the fishing boat. Grow up.
The after-party heads back to Brittany’s room, which is also Janet’s room. As everyone but the love birds are rehashing, cameras catch Janet and Jason, burrowing into their bed with their tails between their legs, feeling awkward.
It’s a great day for a great day
Well, that sentiment would be nice if Kristen hadn’t woken up to a text from Jax, which read, “Congrats!” Kristen has every right to be worried because he is the loudmouth and will, if push comes to shove, tell everyone her good news. Before she could call out Brittany, the guys’ chat was popping off, with Jax saying he wanted to announce their good news. Which he did. To Schwartz. Delusional. Sadly, Brittany is the one to take the fall. But the girls do finally have their sit-down heart-to-heart. Kristen finally confronts Brittany’s inability to see Janet’s faults.
No amount of bling could contain Kristen’s true feelings. She noted, “Janet is a miserable human being. I can’t take it anymore.” All the viewers and cast understand this thought process, but our Kentucky muffin is wearing blinders. I love the passion in Kristen. Cause it’s not about Janet, really. It’s about Janet possibly trying to come between Brittany and Kristen. Even though Brittany doesn’t feel like she should have to choose a side, she does. And it needs to be Kristen. But we all know it won’t.
Poseidon’s rath has no off button
Bless Danny for trying to send out a prayer before the gang’s boat ride. Spoiler alert: It didn’t help. Firstly, everyone, and I do mean everyone, had to stare at Luke’s “moose knuckles.” Everyone is eating their fish tacos in peace until Janet calls Zack down to the lido deck for a chat. Picture it: Janet, Kristen, and Zack are all rehashing their issues. It wasn’t pretty. Kristen hit the nail on the head, noting it was all unnecessary bullsh*t. In fact, Kristen is the only one calling Janet out on her hypocritical statements. If I could applaud Detective Doute, I would. But I’m too busy slurping on my cola and eating popcorn to stop. As the voices grew louder, it seemed the root of the issue happened to be Janet’s ability to attack the Bookos.
Kristen was livid to the point where I thought we might be yelling “Man overboard!” It gets a whole lot worse when Janet doubles down on her comments about Danny, stating, “I said out loud ‘Yes, that he sexually assaulted Jasmine,’” and with that, Kristen stormed off. She was not about to play more into the grey area narrative. For Kristen, the story keeps escalating, and at some point, Janet needs to get off the merry-go-round of lies. It’s about now that Bravo producers need to define slander…
The Valley airs Tuesdays at 8 PM /EST on Bravo. It can be streamed on Hayu in the UK and Ireland.
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF EPISODE 13 OF THE VALLEY? DO YOU THINK BRITTANY TAKES JANET SIDE?
