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June Foster

June Foster

When June Foster joined the cast of Below Deck Mediterranean this season, the only person who was at-all excited about it was Colin Macy-O’Toole. He was elated to have another American on the Sirocco and he hoped she wasn’t into the dirty sex talk like his coworkers.

Who was the least excited about June joining the crew? It has to be a tie between Chief Stew Hannah Ferrier and June herself. Hannah was miffed to lose Anastasia Surmava, who was the only competent Third Stew Hannah ever worked with on this show. June just didn’t seem enthusiastic in general. About anything. What was going on there? Was she high during charter?

Below Deck Mediterranean Johnny Damon

Oh Below Deck Mediterranean – sailing through some of the most beautiful scenery in the world with some of the most hideous peopleJohnny Damon‘s wife needs to literally take several seats. Preferably on a yacht she actually owns.

I don’t know what is going on with this boat, but the constantly twisted up anchor seems to be a metaphor for the crew as well. Anastasia Surmava is now officially WAAAAY too big for her britches, but her britches are probably a thong bikini bottoms, so…  Last week Anastasia was panicking over a unicorn cake. Now, she’s marching into the Michelin Star Service Station – without her chef’s coat! – to announce that she’s here to pick up her stars. Everything Anastasia served last night was a disappointment and the guests – bless their grimy, probably sexually unsatisfied hearts – were right to complain to Captain Sandy Yawn.

Chefs of the Below Deck: If we can make it at home using a Pinterest recipe we do not want to eat it on a yacht!! 

Hannah Ferrier Below Deck Mediterranean

Tonight MLB legend Johnny Damon is back on Below Deck Mediterranean but it’s not anchors away. It’s anchors gotten away which means the crew is could be permanently stranded outside Monaco!

Captain Sandy Yawn sends Joao Franco and Travis Michalzik on a scuba diving mission to figure out what’s wrong with the anchor even though things could go dangerously wrong. Hopefully they can wrestle the Sirocco free without anyone getting hurt (or in a fist fight). Also hopefully a successfully problem solving with Joao will help Travis find his positivity again! 

Below Deck Mediterranean Mid-Season Trailer Released

The Below Deck Mediterranean season thus-far has given us unprecedented reality TV moments. Mila Kolomeitseva served Taco Bell-style food on a luxury  Jack Stirrup spit into Aesha Scott’s belly button.  He’ll soon be sucking her toes too, as evidenced by the footage in the mid-season trailer.

Whatever your thoughts about the quirky courtship of Jack and Aesha, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  The trailer is a great teaser of hookups, tears, and drunken antics.  But the most exciting moment comes at the very end when a very familiar voice is says, “hello lovelies.”

Joao Franco - Below Deck Mediterranean

On last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean the cracks started to show with an overworked crew and an under qualified chef!

The episode opened with June Foster literally fleeing the dinner table to puke in a trashcan. I thought Bravo was setting us up for some enormous reveal. June is pregnant! Hannah Ferrier fed her a bad oyster! Jackie Seigel‘s ring had poison in it (and who tried to poison Jackie!?)! June had an allergic reaction to spray tan! The thought of dating Colin Macy-O’Toole made June gag.

But re: June and Colin getting together. Have you ever seen two such American smiles? They both have a full set of gator chompers. Teeth so white and straight and perfectly stylized by precision American orthodonistry that a full set of false teeth would just pop out of June’s uterus. 

Captain Sandy Yawn Below Deck Mediterranean

After surviving Jackie Siegel, self-professed Queen of Versailles, the Below Deck Mediterranean crew should be ready to take on anything — or not. With MLB legend Johnny Damon on board cracks begin to show in the crew’s professionalism and performance. Hopefully Captain Sandy Yawn can fix things before they spin wildly out of control…

Team Damon is a rowdy group that requires all hands on deck, but this overworked, fatigued and disoriented crew has barely recovered from staff changes and is also dealing with personal demons that continue to bog them down like an anchor trapped in seaweed. 

June Foster - Below Deck Mediterranean

I can’t figure out who is crazier on Below Deck Mediterranean: new third stew June Foster or billionaire charter guest Jackie Siegel. These two are two urchins in a reef who live in their own worlds – it’s probably better that they stay there instead of permeating ours.

The trek to picnic at Eze continues. Up a mountain, down a mountain, up a mountain, down a mountain, up an inflatable slide, down an inflatable… Oh wait, haha! That’s only for half the crew! The rest of the crew is on a particularly odious Amazing Race challenge featuring deck chairs and how many can be carried at once without a leg being broken (the chair’s or the human’s – doesn’t matter!).

Joao Franco and the rest of the team at Eze finally get everything to the top (with Jackie is whining for food like a petulant child) that there’s no cutlery and no one is answering the radio because Captain Sandy Yawn has them all frolicking in the water under the auspice of crew training. Or producers just wanted another opportunity to showcase Anastasia Surmava in a thong bikini.

Hannah Ferrier Joao Franco Below Deck Mediterranean

It was too good to be true when Hannah Ferrier actually liked her Third Stew for once. However, Anastasia Surmava didn’t last too long as the Third Stew since she got promoted to chef. Now, Hannah is working with June Foster and surprise, surprise Hannah has not been the most welcoming.

She seems to have high standards for June, but very little instruction on how to meet those expectations. Unfortunately for June, she continues to struggle during tonight’s Below Deck Mediterranean episode.