Last night’s Real Housewives Of New York had it all: turtle time, flying trapezes, sexually harassing birds, meltdowns at premiere galas, breakups, brawls in the spa, makeups at the spa, ghosts of Sonja Morgan‘s past, and wrap dresses. You know, just an ordinary episode! (Seriously how is this one of the lower rated Housewives franchises?!)
Sonja is just strolling down the street with her coffee and her trendy patterned tights when a limousine window rolls down and a voice calls out from the dark, “Hey hooker…” Sonja doesn’t even flinch, she just keeps doing her Mary Tyler Moore strut with a distracted smile until the voice gets more persistent. But it’s just Bethenny Frankel! Sonja laughs because she assumed it was one if the regular people who call her a hooker during her morning coffee run! Where is Sonja getting her coffee from?
Tinsley Mortimer is one of those Housewives who tends to fly under the radar. The Real Housewives of New York star generally doesn’t stir up a lot of drama and for the most part she is not really the target of the other ladies. Sometimes, you get the sense that she is holding back the real Tinsley. Who is this elegant socialite that appears to have it all, but also seems to have more depth than would appear on the surface?
We know that Tinsley lives in a hotel, loves lacey dresses and was once the star socialite of the New York City society world. She has also shared her sometimes difficult past, including an arrest and a divorce, as well as her longing for a baby. This week we learned more about Tinsley’s father, his drinking and his sad accidental death. Tinsley admits to having unresolved feelings about her father and none other than the Countess Luann de Lesseps played counselor to her.
The Real Housewives Of New York never fail to disappoint! They cycle through emotions faster than teenage girls, even though they’re all, for the most part, menopausal women.
We open in the Berkshires where Sonja Morgan is having a meltdown over Dorinda Medley touching the sacred MOOOOOORGAN LETTERS, which really should be under plexiglass like the Guggenheim Bible and the first thong Sonja ever washed in her bidet. “She didn’t desecrate them!” Ramona Singer yells in an attempt to calm Sonja down, but Bethenny Frankel is the expert in psychotic breaks.
Bethenny has a lifetime of experience, after all, so she ushers Sonja out of the room, grabs her face, and performs an exorcism. I also think Bethenny must have hypnotized Sonja with one the 32 diamond rings she’s wearing, because from that moment forward Sonja became obsessed with The B. Back at the table, Sonja is ready to resume partying. Everything’s fine!
Dorinda Medley tried to make Bluestone Manor scary but “nice” for Halloween on the Real Housewives of New York. That ranged from peeping vampires, a Morgan mansion tour and a naked chef. Much to Dorinda’s annoyance, her costars thought sleeping in the fish room was the scariest thing about the manor.
The room assignment passed around like a hot potato. Ultimately, newcomer Barbara Kavovit was left holding it. The second scariest part was Sonja Morgan’s drunken meltdown at dinner, which was provoked by Dorinda manhandling some Morgan artifacts during their visit to Ventfort Hall.
As an avid Real Housewives of New York fan, I live for the annual trip to the “Bezerkshires.” Dorinda Medley made Bluestone Manor “nice” for Halloween with crazy and gory decorations, including a peeping vampire. Dorinda booked massages and yoga to please Luann de Lesseps. Dorinda dealt with Bethenny Frankel insisting on having the best room in the house. She endured her guests fighting over who had the
pleasure misfortune of staying in Dorinda’s expensive fish room, where you literally sleep with the taxidermy fishes. After much squabbling, that honor went to RHONY newbie Barbara Kavovit.
And then, Dorinda brought Sonja Morgan to see a historic Morgan house in the area, which elicited a strong reaction from Sonja. Sonja did not approve of how the historic Morgan papers there were treated.
Peasants people are able to touch the actual letters. Once again, poor Dorinda tried to do something nice in the Berkshires, and everything went up in flames. Later that night, a drunken Sonja hit on bestie Bethenny, and had a sobbing meltdown about the Morgan papers. In fact, Sonja screamed, “You don’t touch the f***ing Morgan letters!”
Even though Dorinda Medley is housing everyone for free and providing yoga, massage therapists, naked chefs, and Morgan mansion tours, the Real Housewives of New York ladies couldn’t help being demanding.
No one wanted to sleep in the fish room at Dorinda’s Berkshires house- literally because of the decor. It isn’t in an undesirable location of the house. It has central air conditioning and heating. Oh, and it’s a room in a mansion. Who really cares about what’s on the wall? Apparently everyone. Luann de Lesseps, Ramona Singer, Sonja Morgan, Tinsley Mortimer, and Barbara Kavovit didn’t want to sleep there. During last week’s episode, Luann stormed out of dinner just because she didn’t want to sleep in that room.
Bethenny Frankel even called ahead to make sure that she got to sleep in the “second best room” in the Berkshires mansion. During the next episode, Bethenny insisted that she would have no problem switching rooms with Luann if she texted her to ask about it. That’s easy to say about a hypothetical scenario. Does anyone believe that Queen B would really give up the (supposedly) superior room?
The cast of the Real Housewives of New York has departed the Hamptons for Dorinda Medley’s Blue Stone Manor in the Berkshires. Dorinda really did try and make it nice. That included a field trip to a historic Morgan House for Sonja Morgan’s sake where Dorinda casually touched some of the artifacts much to Sonja’s dismay.
Sonja still regrets the end of her dynastic marriage. So after they return to the lesser manor, she starts drinking like she’s making up for Luann de Lesseps. Drunk Sonja greets newcomer and latecomer Barbara Kavovit outside where in addition to insulting Dorinda’s apartment, Barbara hates on the fish room before setting foot inside. It’s not a great look on a houseguest. Or a new cast member.
I’m beginning to think that next time, instead of going to The Berkshires, the Real Housewives Of New York all just need to take a trip to rehab. I’m sure Luann de Lesseps knows a place!
Dorinda Medley thought she was making it nice by decorating her house like cheesy haunted house, but the Fish Room is no halloween theme! Those are $15,000 taxidermied sword fish (why? how? so confusing?) and it’s a privilege to pass out drunk before their glassy-eyed stare! Also they are there all. year. round. Come Easter they wear bunny ears, come Christmas twinkly lights, come St. Patty’s day a leprechaun hat, but come Halloween they get to just be their creepy selves. Kinda like the Real Housewives when they enter the Berkshires – all their most idiosyncratic tendencies and behaviors come out in full force and they are their most selves.
Take Luann for instance, throwing a haughty fit after learning she was placed in the Fish Room instead of ‘Hannah’s room’ at the front of the house.