Well, it is with great sadness that I announce Real Housewives Of New York season 11 has come to an end. I am so thankful god has granted these women the serenity to accept that they WILL NOT change and will forever remain the lovable, dysfunctional, bizarro world kooks we have come to adore.
For all the drama and insults they inflict upon each Real Housewives Of New York is unlike any other franchise in their ability to brush it off, chalk it up to experience, and come back together as more than friends, but family. After so many years knowing each other on and off Bravo, this show is also unique in that most of the relationships predate the show, and will outlast it too.
That’s right, tonight Barbara finally gets her moment in the sun and she has the endless tan to prove it. Seriously Barbara shows up on stage looking more orange than a New Jersey housewife headed for the shore for the first time all season!
Barbara is also there to discuss her struggle to get along with the group and her friendship with Luann de Lesseps, who made Barbara feel like a second-class friend. Probably the second the cameras started rolling!
Somewhere a satanic cult is using Ramona Singer as their icon. The recap highlighting Ramona’s season full of atrocious behavior and excuses, followed by the flashback of SEASONS worth of Ramona shrugging that she can’t help what comes out of her mouth because that’s the way she is, finally cutting to the present day Real Housewives Of New York reunion stage where, with all the sincerity of a robot, Ramona admits that she‘s horrible… It’s all literally a study of the human brain without emotional intelligence.
I could literally spend this entire recap talking about nothing but Ramona. When have we ever come across a Housewife so comfortably tactless, callous, and clueless that she offered up DEMENTIA as an excuse for being a shitty friend. DEMENTIA people! DE-MEN-TIA. This from a woman who subsequently bragged that it was OK to be obsessed with her appearance because she works “really hard” to remain ageless. Ramona’s attitude (aka the brain of a 14-year-old social media addict) is the most ageless thing of all!
Tonight the Real Housewives Of New York reunion returns! In Part 2 Luann de Lesseps is called out over her arrogant and demanding behavior in the Berkshires – especially her infamous meltdown over the Fish Room (RIP).
Dorinda Medley is ready to move forward with Luann, but not before one last showdown over a taxidermied shark.
I am going to open this Real Housewives Of New York recap with a controversial confession: I LOVE Feelin’ Jovani! Stone me with sequins and rhinestones; I don’t care I will wear Jovani anywhere — and it feels so right!
How righteous was it for Andy Cohen to play the track during the reunion. While Luann de Lesseps mouthed the words to her own anthem. The other women avoided her eyes out of sheer second-hand embarrassment. I guess you could say they were feelin’ embarrassed, and it felt so wrong.
Anyway, now the outfits! Bethenny Frankel wore a dress that looks like a Tetris game. Which is appropriate considering how many puzzle pieces there are to Bethenny’s life and it’s near impossible to see how all the wonky angles fit together. Luann looked like she was wearing Jovani to her own funeral. Again, apropos.
Emotions run high throughout the day. Tears are cried as much as possible through Botoxed faces and accusations are made. I mean it wouldn’t be Real Housewives Of New Yorkwithout cabaret a meltdown (or 16).
Last night was the season finale of Real Housewives Of New York, which was about as bad a news a girl can receive. I should probably just console myself by investing in a Countess Candle. After all, Luann de Lesseps is my personal idol of how not to behave and why.
It’s the day before the infamous Christmas Cabaret and Luann is in rare form, gliding into the Gramercy Theater wearing a fabulous cape – like a true diva. Next Luann will be getting one of those long cigarette holders (please let this happen). Luann’s weary assistant, the Countess Corraller, is stationed outside her dressing room overseeing the vast collection of Luann-centric products: statement necklaces, t-shirts, and of course the candles, but this is a mere rehearsal before the big show.
Dorinda Medley and Sonja Morgan take time out of their busy lives for a little pampering, i.e. Coolsculpting which freezes their fat cells so they can metabolize them, then pee them out. If only I could do this with ice cream! Also Real Housewives science, as departed by a doctor we’re supposed to find sexy is always the best.
Tonight we say goodbye to Real Housewives Of New York which is about the biggest travesty of my summer. Worse than not having my vacation planned yet ( I know, I know…), but at least we get a little Christmas in almost July with the Countess‘ Holiday Cabaret!
Despite Ramona Singer trying to block the women from attending Luann de Lesseps‘ cabaret by planning a surprise party at the same time, several of the women rally to make it the holiday extravaganza. Unfortunately, despite their best efforts, Luann’s diva behavior asserts itself once again! Can this woman never be stopped? It’s like her own ego literally has consumed her!