This episode of Real Housewives of New York City was scattered, hard to follow, and all over the place – so the writing is reflective of how difficult it is to connect the plot points. The episode, which Bravo dubbed “Ramona’d” was all about Ramona Singer unleashing her Pinot Personality and letting her cray-cray take over, I call that Cramona. Crazy Ramona. We’ve seen it before from Mrs. Mario Singer – however not like this, but lets start out the recapping by focusing on another lady who is losing her marbles and a different one who is losing her teeth. Sonja Morgan and Cindy Barshop take it away!
Replacing Jill Zarin this season as Empress of the frienemies, Sonja agreed to trek all the long way downtown to TriBeCa and meet Cindy for some shopping and designer schmoozing at Vivienne Tam and then lunch at Cipriani. Unfortunately, when Sonja arrived Cindy had some news: after having a few too many Martinis at Ramona’s event the previous night, she devoured a bunch of pistachios and the veneers on her two front teeth fell off! A likely story if I’ve ever heard one –I personally think she took a drunken tumble after all those martinis. It happens to the best of us. The ladies proceed into the store where Cindy actually pulls out the broken front teeth, which she has brought with her in a Ziplock baggie along with an accompanying tube of Fixadent. While in Vivienne Tam Cindy, asks Sonja to help her put her teeth back in. Yuck. Sonja is understandably grossed out! Who wants to eat lunch after all that? Sonja still does, actually.
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The ladies are shown kind of hanging around awkwardly in the store with nothing much to say to each other until Vivienne Tam herself shows up and helps the girls pick out some clothes. They have a dress-up session and Cindy ends up wearing something bright purple and was it feathery? And Sonja got her favorite – a micro-mini! She was actually wearing the same dress as the designer but much, much minier due to Sonja’s height. I’m not sure what I thought of those two looks, but it seems like the ladies were into them. During another awkward pause, Sonja lets Cindy in on a little secret: she is planning a Toaster Oven cooking party (seriously – another cooking party?) to promote her new cookbook (le sigh) and wants to invite Kelly Killorean Bensimon and her kids plus a secret surprise guest: Queen of Turtle Time, Princess of Pinot: Ramona Singer! Cindy does NOT think this is a good idea, given that Kelly’s kids will be there and naturally, Ramona might act out (but Kelly will behave perfectly – as always??) and lets Sonja know this. Sonja brushes it off in an effort to defend her friends, saying they wouldn’t do anything at her house and in front of children, and to continue with the UN Mission of peacemaking on domestic soil. Cindy then invites Sonja to a little event of her own – her birthday party – which will be a horseback riding event in The Hamptons. Well, kind of in The Hamptons, it’s actually in Quogoe. Which was allegedly young and hip in 1984 about the time our gals from the Real Housewives were also young and hip – but now, much like the ladies, has faded from grace– more on this from The Countess later. Sonja, in denial about how awesome she is tells Cindy: “Oh, Quogoe – I don’t go there.” Leaving Cindy flabbergasted. I mean, I understand it’s far and I understand Sonja was miffed about Cindy having dental drama and snubbing her Toaster Oven-deal, but if you really are friends an extra hours drive is worth it. The frienemies continue to square off, metaphorically circling each other like two boxers in the ring. If looks could kill – oh, there’d be a funeral in the wild isles of TriBecCa. Downtown Cindy wins the round by abruptly canceling lunch with a totally lame excuse – she has to go to the dentist to get the other half of her teeth reattached. Sonja wants her Cipriani and she having none of this. Cindy doesn’t care though, cause she is used to the dangerous life and with a rebel yell she ditches Sonja on the corner in TriBecCa, leaving her to fend for herself among the downtown heathens. The viewers know – this isn’t the end of this feud. Sonja may be an Upper East Side girl, but she will cut a b*tch, just you wait Cindy Lou Downtown, just you wait.
From downtown to out of town, we go see Luann, Countess No More, who is holed up in her little shack on Quogoe, Oops!… I mean, Southampton. Wasn’t Luann purchasing a Pied-a-terre in Manhattan last season? What happened? Well what happened, was her ex-hubby The Count of some unknown dominion, decided he didn’t want to finance anymore of his daaahling ex-wife’s extravagance. No, no, just kidding, he actually didn’t want to run into Luann on the big island while he was romancing young supermodels and wooing them with the promise of a title (as he did with Luann and his other ex-wives) so he banished her to the house in The Hamptons. (kidding again!) Anyways, poor Luann is trapped aloft in a luxury beach home. While they show a sweet scene between her and Victoria preparing breakfast and discussing why they consider Southampton home, Luann explains that she is reduced to merely visiting the city a couple times a week to socialize and “work on her music.” Yep – you heard it people – she is apparently auto-crooning her way to MORE songs. It is revealed that while Luann is prancing around New York releasing Grammy Award winning albums, she is leaving her kids with some nanny or another in The Hamptons. That must have been when Victoria got up to no good on Facebook. Bad Nanny! Luann and Larsa should talk. Then David Schwimmer’s long, lost twin brother, Jacques arrives and does tricks with their dog and I have to say that was actually a really cute scene. And they seem very happy together, so that’s nice. I’m glad Luann has found someone who seems to appreciate her.
This episode had a lot of animal stuff happening – horses, dogs, animalistic behavior from the housewives… So keeping with the trend and in anticipation of the party she will not be attending, Sonja and Kelly go whoresback riding. Sonja is excited and I think she was genuinely into it, but Kelly – mean, mean Kelly just kept telling her what she was doing wrong and how dangerous it was. To be fair to Kelly, Sonja did look kinda out of control up there, bouncing around and not really steering the horse, ignoring the instructor. Sonja knew she was a little out of control and even made a joke about it. But then Sonja, anxious to show us how indifferent she is to what others think, Oh, I mean her savvy riding skills – attempts to canter on the horse. And then BOOM! Off she goes – ass over teacups as my grandmother would say – Sonja fell off her horse! Right on her head! It was really surprising! And she handled it like a champ; she got up brushed herself off and admitted her skill level might not be up to par. There was one positive though to Sonja’s fall – it obviously knocked some sense into her because in the interview segment she remarked on how “brainless” Kelly is, which appears to be pretty much true.
Since this episode is obviously all about hanging out in The Hamptons and arguing about whether or not Quogoe is worth driving to, the ladies reconvene to a cocktail party at Luann’s shack by the sea. The one with the great bar area. Sonja, who is staying with Luann because her house is being rented out, arrives in full Luann regalia – fringe, turquoise, the works… That’s Sonja being a good friend. And then we see Sonja being a bad friend. When Cindy shows up, Sonja launches on her; letting us know this feud that began in the unfettered wilds of downtown NYC will continue in the schmanzy seaside town of Southampton. Sonja is all over Cindy, not letting her get a word in edgewise – about her party, where her invite was, how come she can’t go because its too far and she already had done her driving for the weekend, why she is having it there, is it a kids party, how she throws her Completely Bare mail in the trash, and on and on and on and on… Talk about a faux pas! Luann interjects via interview segment to give us a geography lesson about Quogoe and why no one goes there and also an etiquette lesson on how to tastefully decline an invitation. If I were Luann I would have chosen that moment to let her dear, daaaahhling friend Sawn-ya know that “Money can’t buy you class!” Cindy, who is pretty frustrated by Sonja’s ambush, subtly lets us know she has been hanging out with good old KKB, when she says she wants Sonja to “Zip it!” Where is the former Mrs. Bensimon when we need her?
Oh, here she comes – bearing gifts of Native American t-shirts, because Luann “loves Native Americans” (do you think she got that shirt at Vivienne Tam?) and wearing beautiful jewelry. That she designed herself! All by herself. Um… that necklace she made looks like something I made at GirlScout camp in the third grade. The collection also features a gold-plated macaroni necklace and some braided friendship bracelets constructed from silver, platinum, and rose gold thread. Kelly started her line during arts and crafts hour while “vacationing” in the institution. If anyone has an interest in purchasing these exquisite and intricate pieces, you may do so here. Clothing is also available! Sonja then makes another faux pas when she says Kelly’s necklace reminds her of Elle MacPherson in St. Barth’s– a real supermodel and Kelly’s archnemesis, oh I mean her ex -husband’s second wife whom she loves and admires. Oopsie! Sonja correctly identifies herself as a “bad friend” after the comment, but it was actually a hilarious scene.
Meanwhile as Sonja is interrogating Cindy some more, Alex McCord arrives (wearing a vest that is apparently made of roadkill). It isn’t a party without at least one member of Silex representing! And then Ramona “Pinot” Singer arrives, in a tizzy; seeking not the company of her friends or a pleasant evening at Luann’s house, but Pinot Grigio! It was literally the first thing she said when she walked through the door! “MUST HAVE PINOT NOW” she demands, practically throwing a tantrum and stomping her feet – she is like the Veruca Salt of Pinot Grigio! She wants what she wants and she wants it now! Ramona, after guzzling her first glass or two, loses her ability to exercise restraint and insinuates that Luann is a negligent mother, because in between making music and being in love in New York City, she only has time to be a “weekend mom” Really, I sighed out loud during this scene. Oh Ramona… I love you, but that was bad.
While Luann is attending to Cramona (Ramona on Pinot) and Alex is getting another drink, Cindy steals Kelly away for a little chat about Sonja’s Toaster Oven Party. Cindy acts really bizarre and evasive (and immature) when she makes sinister comments like: “whatever you do, don’t bring your kids” leaving Kelly more than a little freaked out. Eventually Cindy let’s Kelly know that No – Sonja will not be baking little children in the Toaster Oven ala Hansel and Gretel, but that she will be inviting the Wicked Witch of Pinot Grigio – Ramona Singer in an effort to help the ladies talk things out and mend fences. Kelly then reveals that Ramona’s Pinot love fest is the real reason she isn’t interested in a friendship with her, because she doesn’t want to be around Turtle Time. Yeah, Kelly really is crazy – Turtle Time is awesome! Here’s the thing I don’t understand – while Ramona is pretty kooky, particularly this season when she seems to be taking the Pinot sipping a little far – it was KELLY who had the very scary, insane and possibly drug induced melt-down that ruined Ramona’s vacation and caused the infamous “Scary Island” Shouldn’t Ramona be the one wanting to avoid Kelly? Instead she has been really nice and low-key, including her in things and pretty much letting her alone.
The next morning, Kelly, who doesn’t want to be around Ramona AT ALL, invites her and all the other girls to participate in a charity dog walk. The ladies then managed to make yet another charity event all about them, though. Ramona, forgetting that she totally insulted Luann the night before while in a Pinot induced haze, has a situation with Cindy’s brother that she needs help with and to her credit Luann was very gracious and gave Ramona good advice. Then Sonja walks on the beach (while wearing heels!) with Kelly and talks about her upcoming luncheon. Kelly reveals Cindy told her about Sonja’s “frientervention” and that she has no desire to be part of Ramona’s life. Sonja tries to have a discussion with Kelly about why and what is going on, etc but Kelly plays her favorite game – Ostrich! She literally buries herself in the sand and starts doing ‘sand angels’ to avoid having any sort of conversation with Sonja. Which took her right back over the edge into crazy-ville. Darn Kelly, so close yet so far away! I do think the best part of this episode was Sonja’s impersonation of Kelly. Totally spot on!
And then the housewives FINALLY go to Quogoe – sans Snobja of course (who according to Luann was getting a mani/pedi instead). The afternoon in Quoge was pretty much dubbed by the Bravo editors the “Ramona Sucks and Can’t Do Anything Right” day, as she got herself into trouble with practically everyone there. Everyone else says potato, Ramona says Pinot! A LOT – which appears to be the problem. Seriously at this point, Pinot Grigio needs to be like the eighth housewife! Paging Andy Cohen!
Describing Ramona’s issues at the party, Luann explains that Ramonais “Pinot Polar” Before Pinot she is Ramonaand after Pinot she is Cramona. A woman who has certainly never read “Class With The Countess” Thank you, Luann the “Pinot Polar” description was amazing and priceless. Ramona definitely seemed “off” at the party; she had that weird fit on the horse, complaining about how lame it was, and then she tried to talk to Kelly (which I thought was actually nice) and it was pretty evident that Kelly running away from her and acting like Ramona was some homeless bum trying to get money from her, hurt Ramona’s feelings. So Ramona yelled at Kelly for not inviting her to any of her events, and I think Ramona had a good point, but it was poor timing and made her look bad. This is where things really went south for Ramona, she kind of got in Cindy’s brother’s face about “cigar-gate” in front of Cindy’s elderly parents until Cindy has to physically intervene. When she tried to explain herself she started to cry and Cindy was really weirded out. Luckily they were able to reconnect over solving a dip crisis, Cindy hates dip! Hates it and Ramona was able to put a napkin over it to hide it. You gotta love Ramona, because at the end of the day she has a good heart and wants to be loved. She just kind off went off the deep-end this episode and so did Sonja. They were both so self-absorbed and twitchy. It was hard to watch all the erratic behavior and bickering and tit for tat going on.
So anyways, this is my kinder, gentler, less “Ramona’d” (i.e. erratic and twitchy) recap. I hope you all enjoy it.
Also, what do you think – is something going on with Ramona? Is she crazier than usual? Also, are we seeing the real Sonja this season or is she playing the the cameras?
PS I stand by my WWHL recap. I think Luann did handle Cat well, but she also made some digs (such as insinuating Cat lied about her age). Two ladies with really big egos and equally big hats rarely make good friends!
Hi Readers, This is Mary – yes, my original recap left something to be desired. Please forgive me, I had a sick child and it was difficult to write with a screaming baby in the background! I appreciate all the feedback – even though some was not so nice – now I know how the Housewives feel when we rip them to shreds. Tough life being in the public eye. 😉
UPDATE – A clip of Cat and LuAnn going at it on the WWHL after show is below!